I am a 17 year old male currently a Junior in High School. I have a job a Burger King at the moment, I am so lost right now, my grades have "slipped" up really bad ever since freshmen year. I feel like I cant make it, I want to attend college and make something of myself but I dont feel like I have any help at all. I am living with my grandmother - 3 Years, I dont really know my father havent seen him since I was around the age of 5. My mom has chosen some bad decesions in her life, and isnt in my life anymore. I have spoken with my school councilor about a plan so I can go to college, and what I need to do, I have to retake 7! Classes Online, so I can have a good enough GPA to get in, I am also doing horrible at the moment in my Junior year. I am not dumb or stupid at all, its just I have had so much stress in my life the past couple years I cant see me having a bright future anymore. To add on to all of this my grandmother has been "hounding" me about money for my cellphone bill, insurance bill, I have to get a car soon, I owe her 350 dollars, she always tells me I need to learn how to get my **** together, and budget my small paycheck from Burger King. I just cant do it! I am extremely behind in my school, which I need to have caught up, I have bills to pay, I have a job, I have a really divided family, I have become non social with alot of people. I dont really have alot of great friends in my life at the moment, I dont go anywhere, I just need someone(s). help to get me motivated. My new friend and hopefully girl friend has been through similar things, and tells me to just stay postive, but I just cant. She is the only thing that I am actually happy about. Shes a senior and will be leaving soon so I dont know what to do. My grandma is complaining about bills to me, behind in grades, family issues, I just dont know what to do anymore. Maybe somone here can give me some good advice, and help me out with some postive ideas.
Take a deep breath. You are in too far and too emotionally involved to make a clear plan. I know I sound rash in saying that. Sometimes, it feels like everything around us is swirling and we are in the middle of what feels like a tornado and can't control anything.
It is ok. It is actually normal for that to happen on occasion. Here is the cliche: It helps us to grow and learn. UGH! Hate it. Really hated it when it was told to me! Start here: grab onto one topic and work it.
Girlfriend: A good thing. Quite worrying about after she graduates. That is the future and you need to concentrate on the 'now'. Enjoy the time you have now. Once you clear up the 'now' situation, sit down and have a good talk. She can help you slow down the tonado & stay focused on your step by step plan to get back in charge.
Grandma: Grandma's worry about money and everything. I am not saying ignore her. Just understand age has certain effects on people. The older you get, the more you worry and tend to obsess. I am old enough to have experienced some of my own changes and see it coming! My kids are going to enjoy me as an old person! HA.
Job: You should be proud of yourself. That you worry about paying them says a lot a great stuff about your character.
Phone: Is the phone bill a real issue or just complicating the picture by stressing you out more?
Dad: Drop him from the issue for right now That is for years later. It totally ***** that he is so stupid to not know what a wonderful son he has. You cannot hide from the fact that you would have loved to had a father in your life. There are all kinds of fathers. The MOST important thing you take from this is what kind of father will you be when you finally have a family. Take what you know, and make changes in your life to be a better person than either your father or mother were for you. That is intelligence and maturity and you seem to have plenty.
Mom: Made bad decisions. Learn from them. Don't dwell on them. It is all a choice later in life. Do you want to be a better person? Not having grown in a "typical family situation', keep observing those around you and learn what you want for yourself and your children. Your parents are not with you now and did make stupid decisions. But hard as it is to accept, they did love you. People make stupid decisions & we aren't privledged to know the 'why' of it. Your Grandmother, for all her faults and foibles, does care for you also. The hardest thing is to allow ourselves to be vunerable enough to show that we care. Some people, care but can't show it. Her generation was raised so very differently than mine and even further from yours. Try not to let these issues fester inside of you. Accept her for being there at the very least. Maybe, later in life, you will find out what was with your parents and their decisions. Even if you don't, it is your life you need to live. Not theirs. Honestly, I think you are pretty great for dealing with all of this, being normal (yeah, I said that) and wanting more in your life. It shows fortitude, strength, confidence and maturity. You are so young. Accept that there are many years ahead and a lot of adventures.
As you get older, you will see the wisdom of these words. Just keep them in mind to remind yourself later of how right I really was. (yes, I did say that also!)
Schedule/Money: What is your schedule like? How many hours are you working? Big question and it is going to hurt: how much money and time are you spending on your girlfriend and buddies? What are you spending it on? Be honest. If you smoke, total it up. (not implying that you do) But look at where your money is going. Drinks, snacks, meals out, movies, magazines. Really think about it. What can you change or do without for a few months. Sorry, i don't feel bad for you, i am having to give up my beloved boat this Summer. It is very, very old and run down, but I love it. I have to make a decision on which things are priority. It totally *****. And it is gold glitter: giving that up is torture.
What is there that you can change? Rent a movie instead of going out. Less driving around in a car. Have you seen gas prices? Mine topped $60.00 for a tank. We are doing shorter trips and planning better. Get someone to pitch in for gas or let them drive and give them a few bucks for gas.
Ok. School needs to be a priority. Narrow your life down to school, girlfriend and job. Shorten the list of distractions. It is only for a short period of time. College IS important. Obviously you realize this as you are worried. Again, I am impressed. Much more mature than I ever was at your age.
Plan on one or two activities with other friends each month. Incluse your girlfriend on one. That way, there is a 'guy' time and where you both get to spend some fun time with other friends.
School: Which subject is the most difficulty right now? Have you considered speaking with the teacher? Man, it is so hard to think of them as human beings who have done the same stuff you have. Go to the teacher and ask for an appointment to discuss your grades. You want better grades, your history shows you have/and can do it. Things have been stressfull, you are worried and trying to juggle issues and get them under control. You want to succeed in their class; what advice can they offer at this time. If they are good, they will talk with you. You. might not like all they say but try to keep an open mind. Hopefully, they will also. It never hurts to ask. It may taste a little bitter until you realize it doesn't hurt.
Back to Grandma. What is the issue with the insurance? Are you using her car?
Hate to tell you this, but continue to do just that. Owning a car is expensive. Unless you can do the maintenance and pay for all parts. Insurance will probably go up if you aren't on her policy. Back to the fretful Grandparent thing; they have learned a few things in life, sometimes see where you are headed and worry. No, I am not backing her against you. I have enough experience to see it from two perspectives. Give her something to feel secure about; offer a budget plan to pay her back. Let her see that you are the serious person I see. It offers reassurance of her money (not that I think it is the real issue unless she has a very limited income), but is a show of 'good faith' on your part. DON'T FORGET TO PAY HER when promised. Grandma, gets $ ? each check towards the cell phone. The rest is for you to spend as you need or want.
Like I said, really look hard at where you are spending your money.
Extra Credits: I guess I have to say; you need to accept those credit hours need to be made up. No getting around it.
It may mean a delay of your plans. I put off school to work and finally went back. Had to be done. But for me, I wasn't ready for school. Do things happen for a purpose? I don't know and am not qualified to say that (no one is). But, the object is to realize it is not the end of the world.
Here is some good advice. From a millionaire and a successful officer in the Army:
Set a series of goals.
1. 3 month goal 2. 1 year goal 3. 3 year goal
As you complete each goal, add another to extend it. You meet the 3 month goal; add a 5 year goal, then 10 year and so on.
It works. I met my goals and still use it. You may have to shorten your immediate goal time right now, but make the plan.
I hope the whirlwind starts to slow down around you. You have a good mind and ideas about your life. You also see where the problems are and are intelligent enought to realize that you need help. Those two sentences should reasure you that you will succed although it may take a little longer than planned. Don't forget to post how you are doing.
Finally got back here to check some posts. I am glad to see you wrote back. Let me know how things are going. What plan did you come up with and what is happening with your grandmother? Remember to take it a day at a time. You cannot accomplish everything at once. You are so much more mature than I was at your age and impress me with your strength and insight. It will be your biggest asset in the future to get you the career and life that you want. It is hard to explain this, but you are very young yet. I am not old but remember being your age very clearly. All I can tell you, is that for every decade we live, we mature to a different level and become more aware of the world around us and all the events that are happening. Each decade is a stage we go through. Teens are the 'me' and 'my peers' stage. The 20s are learning and breaking free. 30s you turn more serious about career, interests and become more selective. 40s you are looking at the finer things that you want and somewhere in there you may have started a family. Now you earn a good credit rating with your debts. LOL I already have my daily chant of what I don't want in my 'elder' years. No shuffling, complaining, spying on neighbors and definitely not obessed about my yard.
Somewhere in all this, find time to travel and learn about the world outside of what you know. Never be complacent. Twenty years ago, my mother gave me a paper i wrote when i was in elementary school. I said I wanted to travel the world; meet people from all different places, learn about different cultures and visit famous places in the world. Well, I did all that. I didn't get rich and travel but went about it in a round-a-bout fashion. I joined the Army two separate times. To date I have been to about 20 different countries, seen castles, eaten in homes in Europe, Arabia and France. Made friends in many places around the world. Lived overseas, tried all kinds of exotic foods (hate sea cucumber but found camel is a delicacy which looks and tastes like roast beef), slept in mud and 3star hotels, driven cars 115 mph and 3 different kinds of tanks. I have been in a war, but much prefer peace; have a great life and family. Until my 20s I was so shy I couldn't talk to anyone but my closest friends. Anyone who knows me now will tell you I can get a life story out of a person in minutes and love to talk with people of all nationalities and cultures. I try to learn something new each day. Despite depression and life's difficulties when they happen I have maintained humor and never give up.
I still have the boat but am trying to sell it. Guess gold glitter isn't in this year! I didn't plan all this, but at one time I wrote about it. Who knows where you will go or what you will do. Just enjoy getting there. The 20s are great for school and traveling. You won't mind the discomforts so much at that age. I didn't write that to talk about me but to let you know that you don't know where your life will lead. It is fun if you don't let the bs get you down. Keep a positive attitude and laugh. Let me know how you are.
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