Depressed...

[kitty124]

I have had a difficult life...
- Felt suicidal many times before
- Extremely emotional
- Low self-esteem

And much more. It is hard to express the depression and feelings in my body... So very hard.

My suicidal thoughts began when a girl told me things that were true but very rude. She said that my legs were hairy and that I was growing a unibrow (which wasn't true but I was growing some hair in between my eyebrows, but very little) and then she began to make fun of me because my hair was oily. Her actions created a relationship with my physical appearance and my mental attitude the resolved around escaping. I wanted to leave my own skin and I didn't know how except by suicide.
Then, one day my Dad came in and wanted to put a disc of Puss in Boots on my computer. I had downloaded and joined bad content for my computer and mental health. He asked me questions that triggered my emotionally unbalanced switch and I cried. I began to tell him after he had gotten on and checked my History. He told me to never go on these sites again and I was beginning to feel okay. You see, I had this strange "fetish" for watching weight gain crud on YouTube and my Dad was sort of overweight and I was scared he would be offended.
During this event I had thought suicidally.
This ties in with the following event of cleaning my room. My room was very messy and trashy and had notebooks with once again weight gain crud. I didn't want him to see it and once again considered suicide.
Well, I lived a good life until recently.
School.
The previous weekend I had felt very happy and optimistic and after Monday... I began to feel angry and upset and depressed. Monday is usually the day when I'm happy... But that Monday I wasn't.
During my school time, my friend and I were going to play a game where we made sentences by passing a ball. Two guys played and made offensive sentences about me. Then, by a series of events, I got smacked in the head by a ball. The guy who hit me (one of them that made the rude sentences) just said he was going to get a ball. It hurt. I assumed he hated me, so I hated him.
Even more previously before that, I had gotten a crush on someone. But, it didn't seem like he liked me back and that he liked someone else. It happened so many times with so many heartbreaks...then the ball incident...
It started to hurt.
Then, piled up with all else, it just crashed on me... I want suicide so bad...
Take me away from life... That's how I feel...it is terrible!

Someone help me...

[dqfloat]

Please, please find someone you can confide in.  If not your dad, then a school counselor or teacher.  Maybe a friend's parent, but find someone.  If you are able to talk to someone, you will start to feel better.

Suicide is not the answer, and there is a suicide hotline you can call for immediate help.  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They can help you.

[tschock]

Some people are so ignorant...but you need to be bigger than them.

I was picked on all the time when I was younger too, and all I did was to turn the other cheek.
Let them think and say what they want...but you know the truth...you know who you are inside. They are so blind by stupidity and one way thinking that they can't see you for who you truly are...and you know what? It's their loss!  They will never be able to be your friends. They will never know what they are missing.

I know it's easy enough to say "ignore them", and I know it's another thing to actually do it...but all I ask is that you try.  Just walk right past them when they say hurtful things.
I'm not sure about your age, but I'm going to assume that you are quite young...around 12-17. At that age girls become women...and those girls that are talking about your "hairy legs" are jealous...because you are showing signs of becoming a woman...and they aren't!
Seriously! When I was 12 I started getting hair all over...my chest began to grow, etc. The other girls teased me all the time. My mom finally got so fed up that she called the police in. ( Only because they beat me up and broke my glasses )
When they were questioned it all came out in the open...it was because I was maturing...and they weren't.

As for the crush...there are more "fish in the sea"...in other words...you are going to go through many crushes in your lifetime...we all do. It's part of growing up. And you know what? It's okay if the boy you like doesn't like you back...because one day you will meet the "right one", the one that you will give your whole heart to, and he will give you his. That will be your first true love...and it will be wonderful! You will feel so loved by him that they rest you left behind will seem like fleas on a dog.

How well do you get along with  your dad? Are you close?
Are you embarrassed of his weight? Do your thoughts often return to his weight problems?
Have you tried talking to your dad about your problems?
I'm willing to bet that he knows how to help you...but you would have to give him a chance. Perhaps you could talk to a school counselor or your doctor.
You need to open up and trust someone...especially yourself.
Trust in yourself. Allow yourself to be happy. Quit thinking about those who hurt you on a constant basis.

We're here if you need us.