Aa
Depressed
I hate my life!!! I'm 19 years old and I feel like my life is already over with.
When i was 8 years old my uncle died, and he was an uncle that loved very much, he was my role model. Throughout that process of burying him, I didn't really mourn his death because it didn't feel real to me. Then along the years I still didn't feel anything until high school it really hit me and it hit me hard that he was gone.
I was depressed over that but it wasn't hardcore depression. I was dealing with it the best I can and I told nobody how I was truly feeling on the inside.My parents didn't know how I felt and they still don't because I don't "look" depressed...but anyways... It hurts to say that i have been depressed for 11 years, but I have. I was almost feeling okay with his death until this pass spring 2 of my aunts died and then my grandmother died from cancer. My grandmother was my everything and now I don't have her in the flesh and it hurts, it hurts so much. I'm sick of everything. I hate going out in public place, i would rather sleep all day.
I'm not happy, I haven't been happy in a long time, but I have been faking life.
On the inside the only true person that knows how i'm feeling is myself.
I just need help!!! I'm @ the last ends for myself and I feel like one day...I'm just going to end this life that has been hurting me for so long.
When i was 8 years old my uncle died, and he was an uncle that loved very much, he was my role model. Throughout that process of burying him, I didn't really mourn his death because it didn't feel real to me. Then along the years I still didn't feel anything until high school it really hit me and it hit me hard that he was gone.
I was depressed over that but it wasn't hardcore depression. I was dealing with it the best I can and I told nobody how I was truly feeling on the inside.My parents didn't know how I felt and they still don't because I don't "look" depressed...but anyways... It hurts to say that i have been depressed for 11 years, but I have. I was almost feeling okay with his death until this pass spring 2 of my aunts died and then my grandmother died from cancer. My grandmother was my everything and now I don't have her in the flesh and it hurts, it hurts so much. I'm sick of everything. I hate going out in public place, i would rather sleep all day.
I'm not happy, I haven't been happy in a long time, but I have been faking life.
On the inside the only true person that knows how i'm feeling is myself.
I just need help!!! I'm @ the last ends for myself and I feel like one day...I'm just going to end this life that has been hurting me for so long.
I know what it is like to have losses in life. It is very painful.
I know what it is like to be suicidal too because I have bipolar. But life will get better.
Try to find someone to talk to someone professional. Don't stay in bed all day. I know you don't like public places, but you will get your energy and happiness from being with other people. Join some clubs, take up some activities. My psychiatrist told me to find distractions so I took a singing class and a bellydance class which brings friends and happiness. Dancing is good for us that have mental illnesses.
Life will get good again for you.
Hugs and Love
I know what it is like to be suicidal too because I have bipolar. But life will get better.
Try to find someone to talk to someone professional. Don't stay in bed all day. I know you don't like public places, but you will get your energy and happiness from being with other people. Join some clubs, take up some activities. My psychiatrist told me to find distractions so I took a singing class and a bellydance class which brings friends and happiness. Dancing is good for us that have mental illnesses.
Life will get good again for you.
Hugs and Love
sweetie. life and death are the2 hardest things. i lost my dad when i was 18. then my husband died 4 and a half years ago of an overdose. i literally walked around like a zombie for 4 years ive only started coming out of it when i went into liver failure and they told my family they didnt think i would make it through the night. right before that i wanted to commit suicide and end the pain but when faced with the reality that i would never see my kids or grandkids again i fought to live. i made a promise to god if he let me live i would do just that ,,,LIVE
ive kept my promise. i really started doing a lot of work in therapy and it has helped. dont get me wrong...i have good days and have really crappy ones too. life has thrown so much **** at me you would never believe it if i told you.
i guess the point is PLEASE dont kill yourself. life is short enough. i try to live life for my husband,he was 37 when he died. some how that seems to help but not always.
think of all the people who would feel immense pain if you took your life and how they would ache to be with you just one last time.
sweetie, life has its ups and downs, i know how it feels to want to kill yourself, ive been there too many times but you have to FIGHT and tell someone who can help you...PLEASE
cathy
ive kept my promise. i really started doing a lot of work in therapy and it has helped. dont get me wrong...i have good days and have really crappy ones too. life has thrown so much **** at me you would never believe it if i told you.
i guess the point is PLEASE dont kill yourself. life is short enough. i try to live life for my husband,he was 37 when he died. some how that seems to help but not always.
think of all the people who would feel immense pain if you took your life and how they would ache to be with you just one last time.
sweetie, life has its ups and downs, i know how it feels to want to kill yourself, ive been there too many times but you have to FIGHT and tell someone who can help you...PLEASE
cathy
Too many people (not particularly at MH) are too judgemental about suicidal thoughts. Sometimes these thoughts, in a twisted way, show us that we have choices even bad ones. I've had suicidal feelings since I was a child and have tried it. I'm not embarrassed about it but I'm not proud of it either. I've been judged by folks who know nothing about suicide. All our lives should be so easy.
I really wish I could say something original but I think you need to talk to somebody who you feel safe with and who can help you find your way back to .... whatever you want. The answers, I think, are within us. Sometimes we need somebody to help us "find" them or release them. Not being clear, I know. IMHO your feelings are an appropriate response to something(s) that have happened to you. But you want to feel "better" that's why you posted here - right?
Look after yourself and do what YOU think is right. Leave suicide for another day. We can only go one minute to the next.
HUGS
I really wish I could say something original but I think you need to talk to somebody who you feel safe with and who can help you find your way back to .... whatever you want. The answers, I think, are within us. Sometimes we need somebody to help us "find" them or release them. Not being clear, I know. IMHO your feelings are an appropriate response to something(s) that have happened to you. But you want to feel "better" that's why you posted here - right?
Look after yourself and do what YOU think is right. Leave suicide for another day. We can only go one minute to the next.
HUGS
hello in bell ,yes you've had a lot of deaths in your family ,and i truly my heart goes out to you ,you need help to deal with all of this hun believe me ,you cant deal with any of this on your own,its gone on so long ,please tell your mom or dad ,how you are feeling ,i lost my two children to suicide ,yes my son 24 ,and my daughter 17 years old ,she suffered more than i ever thought after my son died ,but kept it to herself ,oh she told her friends she was going to take her life ,but they didn't believe her ,so if your going to tell anyone please tell your mom ,you wont hurt or worry her ,but you will break her heart to bits ,suicide is a very hard death for anyone left behind ,i hurt so== much i feel like i want to die ,but im getting help and im fightin it every day but m still here ,so please dont break your mom or dads heart if you could see the hurt here in my home that once was a happy home you would tell ,please let me know ,i wish i had my children here to tell me ,i would have looked after them so well ,they were my children, and you are your mothers daughter,give her a chance and tell her ,god bless ,bell
Hi,
It can be a lonesome struggle. I don't know why it happens, but I've many times seen that in grieving-situations children can often be "forgotten". Not everyone thinks of the younger ones. Maybe their grief is meassured after the adult grief?
Grief needs expression. Words. It touches all those existential questions of life, living, death and dying. Those are questions that matter.
For years a loss can be a name. People maybe imply that you grieve, but they don't know how to talk about it.
Then someone else dies. Not only did you loose an uncle, but now you lost aunts and grandmothers. These are important persons and beings in the family.
You say you're faking life. I'd say you're still trying to find a way. You have gone through some serious grief. Maybe when you can give names to all the emotions that come along, it won't feel so tough? When we have to fight down emotions every single day, it becomes tough. Maybe you could have tried to talk with someone professional about it? Maybe some friends understand? It is one thing I'm sure of: Life IS more than grief.
Florena
It can be a lonesome struggle. I don't know why it happens, but I've many times seen that in grieving-situations children can often be "forgotten". Not everyone thinks of the younger ones. Maybe their grief is meassured after the adult grief?
Grief needs expression. Words. It touches all those existential questions of life, living, death and dying. Those are questions that matter.
For years a loss can be a name. People maybe imply that you grieve, but they don't know how to talk about it.
Then someone else dies. Not only did you loose an uncle, but now you lost aunts and grandmothers. These are important persons and beings in the family.
You say you're faking life. I'd say you're still trying to find a way. You have gone through some serious grief. Maybe when you can give names to all the emotions that come along, it won't feel so tough? When we have to fight down emotions every single day, it becomes tough. Maybe you could have tried to talk with someone professional about it? Maybe some friends understand? It is one thing I'm sure of: Life IS more than grief.
Florena
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