Depression - Need help NOW!

[Jackie100]

The Doctors Forum is filled to capacity.  I  need help now.  My post from another web site is copied below. I'm too tired to write more.  I won't get through another week. I want to die.  Here's my other web site post:
My "Depression: A Life Sentence?" Diary

Depression.  I  just want to live a normal, productive life.  Diagnosed with clinical depression after an attempted suicide 20 years ago.    I've seen Therapists, Psychiatrists, taken various antidepressants, etc.  Currently, I am transitioning from Effexor XR to Cymbalta, which may be PART of the problem.  I  am in the depressive "Inertia" mode.  It would be nice if there were a caring and competent doctor out there that could do a complete evaluation.  You know, instead of those 15 minute appointments. I  don't know if antidepressants are the answer or the problem.    I  just know that I'm tired of this, and if  I decide to kill myself, I'll get it right next time.  For now,  I'll just go lay down.

[marilyninaz04]

My ex-husband (who I actually still loved and cared for) killed himself at the end of last May.  I cannot tell you how this has changed my life and the pain and sorrow I feel at his loss.  I know that many of you who suffer from anxiety and depression feel alone and are suffering when you are in an "acute" phase particularly, but please, please try and remember how many people love and care for you and the awful aftermath you would leave if you followed through on your plan.  I think of him every day....I wonder what he would think of the pain and suffering he has caused....actually I know how he might react to the pain and suffering he has caused his parents in particular who are still living......I am angry and at the same time totally depressed myself for feeling like I let him down.....even 8 years after our divorce.  He was an intelligent, beautiful person who practically "glowed" with personality....it makes me extremely sad to think he is no longer on the planet.  I don't know what to do with my grief over the loss....so those of you thinking of killing yourselves.....I know it seems like no one cares....I know that you feel like you are along in a deep dark hole but you are not....please take at least one more day to seek out help from someone who loves you.  I wish my ex-husband had just picked up the phone to call me....I would have been there for him even though it had been 8 years since our divorce....

[DOGLOVERONE]

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN KEPP THIS UP!!! PUT ON A HAPPY FACE FOR FAMILY BUT ITS BECOME INCREASINGLY MORE DIFFICULT.DIAGNOSED OR TEN YEARS AGO WITH DEPRESSION AND WAS PUT ON LEXAPRO.HAVEN,T HAD THE MONEY TO CONTINUE WITH IT OR SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT 30K IN MEDICAL DEBT I HAVE TRIED EVERYWHERE FOR HELP.NOW TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY MY WIFE LOST HER JOB AND WE HAVE FALLEN INTO A  TAILSPIN DOWNWARD. CAN'T SLEEP OR EAT-- CRAZY THOUGHTS GO RACING THROUGH MY HEAD.I HATE TO ADMIT IT BUT I'LL JUST BREAKOUT START CRYING FOR NO APPARENT REASON.FEEL ALONE  EVEN THOUGH MY WIFE IS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME.HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lonewolf07]

Right back atcha, as my kids would say.

Hugs ....

[Jackie100]

Lonewolf,
Thank you for taking the time to write that genuine reply.  I  will give everything you said some serious thought. I  agree with you that I  need to check into talk therapy, again.  Take care of yourself.

Jackie

[lonewolf07]

As someone who has experienced suicidal feelings and attempted suicide I can only tell you that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  IMHO anti-depressants don't work as effectively as they should unless they are accompanied by talk therapy or group therapy.  Anti-depressants don't make a person happy or even content.  The vicious circle of external factors making us depressed and our depressions effecting external factors is something that has to be broken.  Do I know how to break it?  No.

I believe a lot of depression is anger turned inward.  Rather than hurt someone else we hurt ourselves.  Suicide is an option but not necessarily the best one.

There are a lot of folks here that can give you better advice than I can even though there is not a day that passes that I don't feel suicidal.  I just try to go from minute to minute.\

Those 15 minute appt's are beyond ridiculous.  Again at the risk of being offensive, I sense anger in your post and that's a good thing - it alleviates the "inertia".

lonewolf