Depression, anxiety and my relationship.

Hi, Im a 17 year old. Long story short..
I thought I had a perfect life, was such a happy person with my boyfriend who I've been with for a year now, absolutely in love with him more than anything until I woke up one day and my life changed forever.
I just wanted to cry when I looked at him and I had no idea why; I just knew it was to do with him. Didnt I love him anymore, what the F is up with me why wouldnt I love him, whats happened?! I just felt completely numb and all i did was cry, then came the anxiety and worrying. Theres not a day that goes by where I dont think and worry about it.

I couldnt stop thinking about it all the time then eventually I had to tell him, he burst into tears and pleaded for me to stay with him, which I want to; I want to spend the rest of my life with him (I dont care if im 17).
We stayed together and he just tried to understand and help me, my mum suggested that I had depression due to her personal experience.

I then came to realise that I do suffer from multiple depression symptoms, you name it I have it...
Insomnia, abdominal pains, suicidal thoughts, hatred of life, lonely feelings & about 10 more..
I came across a website that said emotional numbness was a symptom, it then went on to say that its hard for someone to show and feel love sometimes while depressed, this calmed me.

Sometimes Ill have bouts of happiness and Ill feel completely normal, but I know im gona want to be alone very soon, depressive, start to cry etc etc..

I love my boyfriend I know I do, I just get this weird feeling sometimes and I DESPISE it, it makes me nervous to go and see him incase I feel horrible and depressive so I wont be my usual loving self around him and it upsets me so Ill most probably cry.

He says he'll stick by me through everything until Im over all this cos' he loves me and wants to be with me more than anything which I admire of him. But I obviously cant help but feel sometimes that im wrecking our relationship due to my awful mood swings, anger, numbness etc. I just feel I need to put on a front.

Atm Ive spoke to counsellors been to the doctors and that and I am going to see a nurse who speciallises in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) soon and hopefully Ill get better.

Im kind of coming to terms with it now and just wanting to get past it and move on from it, obviously it isnt that easy but im motivated to not let it ruin my life. At the start I often thought I would rather be dead than feel like this.


Does anyone understand what Im going through/agree with me or has any advice for me Please?

[remar]

Good for you! I'm glad to hear your seeing someone that does CBT. It's a really good kind of therapy. I agree with your mom. It does sound like you have depression. And emotional numbness can be one of the symptoms. When is your first appointment?

[RLG123]

Thanks :D I just wana get it out of the way and have a normal life again now, it really worried me at first cause I wana be with mmy boyfriend more than anything in the world.
Have you suffered from depression?

[RLG123]

Thanks :D I just wana get it out of the way and have a normal life again now, it really worried me at first cause I wana be with mmy boyfriend more than anything in the world. My appointment is a week this friday.
Have you suffered from depression?

[remar]

I think you will like CBT and get a lot out of it.
Yes, I have depression so I understand what you're going through.
I'm always here to talk with you.

[RLG123]

Thank you so much :)
and I hope so, ill keep you posted on how it goes.
Im doing quite well atm with how im feeling, like obviously I have my down daya/moments but anxiety wise im doing great, its just I need to learn how to get out and do things and motivation/concentration at college that is getting my down a little.

[forgottensick]

  Hey there. I started feeling what you are feeling when I was around 15 or 16 years old. I`m now 53. Back then they didn`t know much about it. I have been on everything from zoloft to lithium. They all did something for me but mostly kept me in a daze. The past 16 years I`ve been taking Paxil and have been able to cope with the depression and anxiety. I can tell you that eating the right healthy foods and getting a LOT of sunlight will help. I know it sounds strange but do you eat a lot of fast food?  A LOT of food we eat has a chemical called MSG in it. It has been causing a lot of problems in people. Many people are very sensitive to preservatives in food which can cause depression,anxiety, insomnia, and pain throughout your body.
  So try watching what you eat. Stay away from anything with MSG in it. Almost everything we eat, mostly when we eat out, contains MSG. Also get a much sun as possible. Vitamin D is very important for mental health.
Keep posting here. We will help you as much as we can. We understand where you are coming from.
   Dan

[RLG123]

Hey forgottensick, thanks for your input, its nice to know it is actually normal/common for me to feel like this.

Yeah, since this has happened Ive suggested taking omega 3 capsules, a multivitamin daily and eating healthier, Im have a naturally petite, slim frame so I am able to eat anything I want and not put on weight which I have always boasted over, I used to have such a big appetite for a small girl now I just dont want to eat, Im not hungry as much as I used to be I have to force myself to eat sometimes. But I am now more interested in eating healthier foods such as sandwiches, yogurts, salads etc.. Im not really into fish and eggs that much apart from fish fingers & eggy soldiers haha, hence the reason I am taking omega 3 capsules to compensate.

And yeah Im one for walking, I wank to and from college daily which is a 30 minute walk there and back. Im always walking places I want to go, which is a good thing. Im thinking about taking up an excercise class at a local gym to keep my sleeping patterns in tact & simply for a hobby, for something to do; I want to be fitter in person, mentally. Not for weight reasons.
I used to always think 'oooh yeah I can eat whatever I want, fast food the lot and do no excercise' just thinking Ill be fine but I never once thought it'd have a massive impact on my mental health, Im glad I have realised now.

Since eating alot healthier and taking my vitamins I have actually felt a big change on my moods, obviously the depression is still there and I still isolate myself from my friends and dont really want to go anywhere with them.. all the obvious symptoms of depression but yeah I do feel a lot better thank you.

Im also going to see a nurse on friday about CBT, I hope this helps me to a further extent.
Ill keep you's posted.

Thank you for all your help it is MUCH appreciated. Its nice to know people actualyl understand me and im not a freak.

[forgottensick]

  You sound like a very smart young lady.  You also seem to have a fast matabalism which means your body absorbs and burns food fast. More reason to eat right as you don`t need to be absorbing a bunch of preservatives and junk. I don`t really know how it is in the UK, but here in the US FDA approves preservatives, pestisides, GMO`s and all kinds of unhealthy food for human consumption. And then they wonder why so many Americans are sick,depressed, in cronic (chronic) pain,kidney failure,etc.
And then on top of all that, young people around your age are also going through hormone changes. More reason to eat healthy and exercise in the sun. Don`t forget about getting lots of sunshine.
  I feel you are on the right track. Let us know how things are going. Keep posting.      Dan

[RLG123]

Haha yeah, I'd say im kind of motivated into getting over all of this, I know what I want and what I dont want. & yeah I do, good point yeah, I prefer to eat healthier foods now, I dont feel the urge for big juicy cheeseburgers anymore I much prefer to have a ham salad and a yogurt!
Yeah, I just went for a walk then, we dont get much nice weather down here though haha! & yeah I just want to get over all of this and be normal, active and enjoy life again.

Thanks again, you've made some really good points.

[Katdunn]

I am currently going through this same exact thing. I hope you are getting better with it. I an the same age and came here seaking help/advice/comfort it's good to know Im not the only one and there is someone my age going through this also. Mine has been going on for about 2 1/2 months now and my boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. I can say mine has gotten only slightly better it sure is a long bumpy rd :/