Depression, mood swings and bad anger waves

I had a baby 15 months ago. He was born 2.5 months early.We spent a lot of time in hospitals, but he is fine now. He is a very healthy boy. When he was born, i did not feel like i was in a panic or stresssed . I did everything i had to do. My husband is very supportive and helped a lot. So i should not say that all what happened with my son, put me in a situation i am in now. I getting worse and worse now. I developed insomnia, after my son was 5 or 6months. I always was a light sleeper , but it got to the point that i can't sleep at all. Doctors gave some meds, that i take once in a while as i don't want to get addicted to sleeping meds. But despite that  i became very angry,not happy , negative person. I started to feel that anger waves comes more often, and when it comes i scream, i ***** , i am a nasty person to my husband, and my son feels that . He is very difficult to feed, and it takes a lot of effort , time and energy. I losse patient, i feel like i just want to run out of the house and be alone. Every small things  amkes me angry. I feel like after i had a baby  i can't accoplish anything, i can't find time to go to the gym, i can't clean the house the way i used to . There is no time in a day to do things i need to do. I work part time, and that is the only place that i am happy, and relaxed. But all the things , all the work with the baby, cleaning, laundry, and no time makes me overwhelmed and angry. I bacame very depressed as my husband is not happy seeing me like this. I feel that i am destroying my family. I don't want to feel the way i feel. I want to be able to overreact, to be more calm. However when those anger waves comes, i can't stop. I feel i want to explode. I am very against taking medication , but i think i have to. I don't know what to do. I don;t want to be on meds and be so slow, no energy. I want to be healthy , active , have more energy with my son. But i want to be relaxed. I don't want my son to feel my bad energy. What should i do. What kind of medication are recommended. And why this is happening? Where is this anger coming from. I have never been this way.

[mammo]

Being a new mom is very over-whelming, even worse when you've had to deal with a preemie.  I think your anger is from depression, and seeing a psychiatrist is your best option, as he will be able to diagnose your problem and prescribe the best medication for you.  There are millions of us on medication, so know you're not alone.  Medication shouldn't make you not have any energy, if it does then call your doctor.  If taking medication makes you able to fuction, and be happy, and provide a good environment for your baby, then you should do it.  Don't allow your quality of life, your marriage and your baby suffer needlessly, there is so much help for you.  I can read the frustration in your words, I've been there and know where you're coming from.  When we're depressed anger can come out of no where and confuses us.  But with the help of a psychiatrist you can get through all this, and live a happy life.  Take care...

[JG525]

You sound like a lot of new moms! Maybe you have some post-partum depression.  

Talk to a counselor and a psychiatrist or at least your GP.  I'm sure you can get the help you need if you ask for it.

J

[Kaunas]

Thank you !

[kathy434]

You have a lot on your plate right now.  Consider putting your priorities in proper place.  One, you need to get a lot of rest.  If you need sleeping pills to accomplish this, then discuss this with the doctor.  Not all medications are addictive.  Next, lighten up on your housework.  Your baby is going to be his current age only once, and you will likely enjoy these moments with him if you can just concentrate on him and on you.  Your housework will always wait.  Nobody cares how your home looks.  If they do, hand them a rag and the sweeper and let them go to town to their own satisfaction.  Nobody is going to get sick or die because you don't have a spotless home.  Gain control of your stress level with relaxing music, deep breathing, taking your baby for walks, visiting with gal friends and LAUGHTER.  That is a major stress reducer in of itself.  You don't have to be a perfect anything.  Nobody else has ever been or will ever be, so relax.  You are working outside the home as well.  That takes up a lot of your time that could be used for house, laundry, shopping, baby care, and 100 other things we always manage to squeeze in.  If your husband isn't lending a big hand toward the workload at home, then he needs to see the light and start.  He can cook some meals, he can wash dishes the nights he doesn't cook, he can help with the laundry, housework, shopping, doctor visits and more, and he will still have plenty of time to get out with his buddies once in a while.  Balance the scales.  Get a Merry Maid to come in and clean your house once a month.  You deserve that if it is within your budget.  There is a way out of your situation as it stands.  You have options.  What you are going through, many of us have also gone through.  Now we talk like mothers do to their daughters.  We have also been where you are at right now.  And we found solutions to our problems.  I hope this is of some help.     K

[kathy434]

Let me add another thought.  One thing new mothers learn about having a new baby in their lives is that everything slows down.  It takes twice as long to accomplish what use to take only minutes of your time.  Realize, with laughter, that now you are having to do everything s-l-o-w-e-r.     K

[therese83]

Hello

You have post natal depression.  I had it the same.  You should get treatment from a Psychiatrist who has experience with this.

I know it well, lying there awake knowing that your baby is asleep and you will have to get up soon!  You can recover and treatment can work quickly.

I think it will have an efect on your child as well, but you should get treatment for yourself

There probably were many factors that contributed, but it has been going on for sometime now and you deserve to feel better. I wish you the best