Depression/Anxiety/Autism/Schizoid

[ensone]

I have been suffering from depression since I was 16/17 years old (possibly far younger than that) and in later life (I am 41), have found anxiety a huge problem.  However, I have always had a bigger problem to do with interacting with people and I can't stop thinking that I may be autistic or have some brain abnormality caused by the medication that my mother took during pregnancy to stop morning sickness (I have a small cleft at the base of my back and it was mentioned when I was born that I may have spina bifida albeit this was quickly ruled out without me actually being tested for it).  I have always been happier alone, am extremely obsessive about sticking to a routine/planning things out meticulously and knowing where all my possessions are in my house (if i lose something, I have to find it no matter what).  I 'zone out' during conversations with others/cannot concentrate on several conversations at once and get agitated after a very short while if someone talks to me.  I think i have been trying to block out all emotions since a very young age and now do not feel very much at all.  I think of all other people as a threat and do not like being touched/being in close proximity to others.  I have trouble empathising with others and other peoples problems mean very little to me. I have always had only one main friend at any one time but do not really trust anyone (even family members).  I am obsessed with language and word play (I always make up songs in my head using rhyming words and sometimes sing them out loud) and doing things in a specific way.  I am happy dealing with data rather than people.  I am a fantasist, I find watching any sort of conflict hard and cannot express anger openly.  I am indifferent to praise or criticism.  I am possibly also slighty body dismorphic.  I have trouble even going shopping and find it hard to look at people's faces for very long.  I can fake short conversations and smiling at people.  I do not seem to fit some of the main traits of autismn however: I do not count or put things in lines/order, am not obsessed with timetables, numbers, etc, do not make repetitive body movements, etc.  I have been seeing a psychiatrist for 7 years and am undergoing group psychotherapy, which is really really hard for me.  I am currently taking Pregabalin and Mirtazipine daily and have been given liquid Diazepam (I cannot swallow tablets) to take in case of a very bad anxiety attack.  I have always had problems with maths and solving numerical problems (equations, fractions, etc). My psychiatrist ruled out Autism purely by asking if I was born prematurely and if I was a low birth weight (I was neither) and I now feel stupid asking him about it again - he simply sees me as having depression, anxiety and strong obsessive tendancies.  I am married with 2 children but had my wife not pursued me, would never have got married or had children.  I have been off work on sick leave for over 5 months now and worry what job am i going to be able to do when I go back to work.  I think I fit the criteria for Schizoid Personatlity Disorder but now my wife wonders if I might be autistic (she mentioned it yesterday with no prompting from me - I have never mentioned that I thought I might be autistic to her) as well and I worry that my children are now showing some very specific obsessive behaviours and they are very resistant to change (my son particularly).  He does not count or hand flap etc but is happier playing on his own, does arrange toys and pillows in straight lines and I can see he is starting to have problems with people (he is 5 years old).  He can appear to be quite a social person though.  I score 37 on online Autism tests where anything over 32 - 35 is considered likely/very likely to be autistic.

[TheLightSeeker]

Hey Ensone.
Welcome to the forum.
1.Look into G.A.P.S. "The gut and psychology syndrome". The book, the diet, and also check the web for all kinds of info.
There are GAPS trained Doctors, but I know that a very large amount of people have done this -very successfully- mostly on their own!

2. Check out  Energy Spiritual Psychotherapy.
Outside the Physical aspects of the different Labels we  are given ( or not given yet- like your situation) to our conditions and illnesses, there is a larger overarching aspect.
And that aspect is located higher in the Hierarchy of Energy.
It is located in the Emotional and Spiritual Realm.
Absolutely well worth looking into this area, and yet I find is so overlooked by most.
If you are looking for answers that the Intellect cannot answer, this would be  the place.

I don't want to offer you any false hope, but this kind of Therapy,
can truly be life transforming!
After all,  we cannot ignore that we are  also Spirits in physical bodies.

Please keep an open mind. Don't  believe everything you think,
and don't buy into anything that is limiting and negative regarding your health and wellness.
We live in a very negative world, we are guided mostly by our Egos and not by our Spirits.
We need to embrace our Spirit and follow our Hearts more often.

Please post your views on this.

Blessings,
Nikodicreta

P.S.
You could also check "Allergy Antidotes" or N.A.E.T. Practitioners or Doctors in  your area.
Some deal with serious conditions,
like many in this Depression Community, and treat the illnesses as an Allergy
(with a specific protocol) .

[weezer555]

Set your mind at ease and see a psychiatrist. It sure helps to know the nature of our behavior. Good Luck.

[meniere135]

Asperger's people frequently get diagnosed with OCD - it's usually part of the syndrome.

[weezer555]

Your symptoms do not strike me as aspergers in ant way. With ocd its common to get stuck on thoughts that continue without resolution and attribute all symptoms to c ertain disoreders etc. I apologize for not catching that you see a psych already. You sound like you still suffer. Consult a different psychiatrist and bring printout plus med hx.
I relate strongly to your symptoms.

[weezer555]

I am bipolar1,ADHD and ocd. I relate to your symptoms but doubt anyone can self diagnose since we tend to lack insight and may not relate to pertinent symptoms.
Print what you wrote and see a psychiatrist. You verbalized your symptoms incredibly well and this way you wont get side tracked or over explain. Life can be enjoyable and you dont have to struggle to function. Louise

[meniere135]

After reading your post, it sounds like you have Asperger's syndrome - which you probably already know is high functioning autism.  Your post caught my eye because I've been thinking my husband also has it.  For years I couldn't pinpoint his behaviors.   I thought it was OCD combined with other diagnoses.  But when I read up on Asperger's, I felt like I hit the nail on the head.  I have three kids and I also feel that they have Asperger's traits - I don't know if they would get a full blown Asperger's diagnosis, but they definitely have traits.  My husband also has an autistic cousin (she has the classic autistic symptoms) - rocking, hand flapping, doesn't communicate but understands us when we give her directions, etc.  My oldest daughter dated someone for 2 weeks - he was diagnosed with OCD.  After listening to him, I have no doubt he has Asperger's.  When he was on an antidepressant (an SSRI), you could barely tell he had Asperger's.  But when he wasn't on it - it was obvious that he had that problem.  My husband refuses to go on antidepressants.  I read that a gluten free/casein free diet is something that helps some autistics.  My husband does improve on the gluten free diet - he seems calmer on it - about 80% calmer.  He won't do the casein free diet (no cow's milk or its products).  I noticed caffeine makes him extremely irritable and miserable and exacerbates his symptoms.  Caffeine makes him feel better initially, but if he has more than one cup a day - he's super agitated and miserable and he gets a crazy look in his eye and gets paranoid to some extent.  My oldest daughter is gluten free and only close to milk free - she is doing fairly well with fewer symptoms.  My middle daughter just went gluten free and seems to be less irritable and less anxious but still with some anxiety (she seems like she has sensory integrative disorder more than Asperger's) - so I'll see how she improves.  My son also just went gluten free this week.  He seems somewhat calmer and says he feels better.  But it's too soon to tell yet.  So maybe give diet a try and see if it helps at least some of your symptoms.  Please get back to me to let me know how it goes.  Hope this helps.