I'm not sure if what I'm going through is simply depression, or if it is something else as well.
I have very self-destructive tendencies. In addition to the physical pain I self-inflict through cutting, head banging, and hair pulling, I seem to cause myself a lot of emotional harm. When I argue with my boyfriend, I always seem to continue the arguments. I deny reality just to keep things going. I won't let him leave to end it. If he does, I will follow him, screaming at the top of my lungs in public.
That's not even the half of the crazy stuff I do. I always seem to make things worse. I don't want to, but it's like there's something in my head making me do these things.
Is this a part of depression, or is it something else? How should I seek help to stop this behavior. My life (and that of my boyfriend) is much harder and less happy because of these issues. Please help!
see a psychiatrist and get evaluated. also therapy will help you to deal with the issues you have. you sound a little bi polar but only a psychiatrist will be able to evaluate and let you know what is at the root cause of your behavior. I wish you luck. the help is out there for you but you have to take the first step to get it.Let me know how you are.
OMG... you are telling my story! I used to cut, and behave exactly as you did. My god, the abandonment issues.. the self mutilation.. and self emotional abuse. My dear.. you are not alone!! You are so not alone. Let me just let you know that now. This isn't rare, it doesn't make you a horrible person. You may feel crazy .... but you aren't.
Depression is one aspect of what you are describing.. but I was hazzard to guess, abandonment issues, low self esteem, prior abuse experiences are part of it too. I am speaking from my own experience..
Somewhere along the line, I got it into my head that I was worthless. When I fell in love it was heaven at first, until the honeymoon period was over. He made me feel so good about myself (Just the fact that he loved me) that I would have done (and did do) just about anything to hold on to him. I got pregnant at 19 infact.
I urge you to seek therapy with a good recommended therapist. Realize that your mind interprets information information to hurt yourself. If you look up self injury on the web.. there are some sites that can help you feel less alone with it (even some depressives don't "get" it).
you would benefit from seeing a psychiatrist. your behaviour sounds not unlike that of a borderline personality. you can recover from this over time with the help of an analyst or decent psychiatrist who also practices analysis. if you are dedicated and patient with yourself, you can definitely change this behaviour and stop your suffering. dont be afraid, just make an appointment.
Please.. don't diagnose this girl. I have had similar issues, and I am neither Bipolar nor Borderline personality. I know your intentions are good.. and I don't want to alienate people here, but if I heard advice stating that I had major conditions like this, I would be even more depressed and terrified to seek help.
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