Depression from a relationship

I have been on and off with this guy for four years. We recently got back together in January this year and have been dating for 6months. We had ups and downs and fights and all but for the most part I really saw his progress in the relationship a lot more then the other times we tried to date. In December he had apologized for all that he has done to hurt me in the past. (left me when times got rought with him, cut me off, one time when I thought we were going to date again prior he told me he loved me and we had sex 2 weeks after the next day I see him holding hads with another girl....things like that was the past) This time around I thought all of the=at stopped for good that we were really moving foward. Our bond seemed different.... He has been telling me he wanted to go away, out of the country and was talking of where he wanted to go and he mentioned Costa Rica, where his ex lives, they email often but he  hasnt seen her in about 3 years. I told him if you go there, basically its over with us. He kept saying he understood and that he wouldnt go. (we had about 3 different conversations about this.) He also said hes close to the family and she had a boyfriend, regardless I didnt want him going there, I knew he still loved her...

About a week and a half or 2 weeks ago he tells me his aunt had a stroke. I tried to be there for him. I asked him if he wanted me to come over if he wanted me to take him out, anything... he was very rude about it and wanted to be by himself. I was very pushy and he hates that, I know  but I just wanted to be there for him... he was rude and said very hurtful things to me and said  he didnt know if he still wanted to be with me, althought he said he knows he still loves me. I was really hurt and tried everything in my power to talk about it. He woulds only text me and not call or answer his calls or talk in person. He planned to go away the 1st week in August so I had asked him if he was still going away and where he said "why does it matter?" and I said cause I want to know. He then said Europe, (which he had mentioned before as a possible option, that he was going with his aunt. So I believed him. I find out the next day, monday of this week from facebook that he went to Costa Rica and he was staying with his ex and her family.... it also now says they are in a relationship on her facenook and are engaged. on his page it talks about how much fun hes having and what a great time hes having and how he loves his baby with her name there and her family. How is that even going to work when we live in NEW YORK???????.. I was so beyond hurt when saw this I wanted to die. I went crazy on him sending him a lot of emails and saying really horrible things. I feel like this whole 4 year o and off relationship was a lie and a joke and I was played the entire time.... I really don't know what to do with myself anymore. And I also want my old Ipod and my $70 I let him borrow from me months ago...What do I do? How do I get past this cause I can't seem to wrap my head around this situation... I feel so alone. And my dad is going through his seond heart surgery on Wed. and he (the boy) knew all this and still did this to me....

all I have been doing is crying, please help..... I feel like I want to die like I don't want to be here anymore. I cannot handle this. On august 25th I am supposed to tansfer away to school but I son't even want to go there anymore...I don't know what to do with myself and really feel like killing myself...Ive never been through something this bad before. He won't answer my emails, locked my cell number and my facebook... I feel all alone.

[MMahon]

It's hard to give good advice to you just based on this post. It's hard to get a good, full picture of what your situation is. BUT, based on what you write I would advise you to cut this guy loose.  He is using you and you don't need to be treated this way by any man. You are much better without him.. Don't let your whole life hinge on a man whose mistreated you and will no doubt do it again.  Go away to school and put this whole unfortunate experience behind you.
Learn from it and go on with your life and you will eventually meet a man who'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated because he truly loves you.  Don't waste time trying to right a ship that's already sunk.  Get on that lifeboat and move forward and in time you'll see that things will be so much better and you will be very glad that you did.
Good luck.

[MMahon]

It's hard to give good advice to you just based on this post. It's hard to get a good, full picture of what your situation is. BUT, based on what you write I would advise you to cut this guy loose.  He is using you and you don't need to be treated this way by any man. You are much better without him.. Don't let your whole life hinge on a man whose mistreated you and will no doubt do it again.  Go away to school and put this whole unfortunate experience behind you.
Learn from it and go on with your life and you will eventually meet a man who'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated because he truly loves you.  Don't waste time trying to right a ship that's already sunk.  Get on that lifeboat and move forward and in time you'll see that things will be so much better and you will be very glad that you did.
Good luck.

[Gotmoxy]

I know exactly what you're going through. 8 years ago I went through the same situation with my daughter's father. He lied to me and constantly took me for granted. But yet, I wanted him so much, I couldn't bear it!! How could someone tell me they love me and then walk all over me!! I found online profiles of his on dating sites, he would go out drinking all the time when I was pregnant, and always put everytrhing else before me and his unborn child. And yet, I was sure I loved this guy??!!! Yes things were great in the beginning. But that's the way they always are. Just two people trying to make a good impression on each other. After a while, everyone's true colours come out. Anyways, my daughter's father ended up leaving me for a 16 year old girl!! We were 21 at the time. And you what?? I was still willing to work things out!! I was so afraid of being a lonely single mother, and growing into some old maid. It's a good thing he didn't want to be with me, because that's exactly what I would have ended being. Could you imagine staying with this guy, and then he ends up leaving you when you're much older??? It would be alot harder to move on for sure. Believe me I was upset for a quite some time. I couldn't eat, sleep, and so lonely. I cried for days after. But Karma does come back! That little girl ended up having an affair with his brother (his best friend), writing bad checks in his name, and running off down state with another guy!!! And he had the nerve after all that to ask me if we could ever get back together!! I was HELL NO!!! I look at him now, and I don't even know how I was ever attracted to that piece of work!! That loser doesn't even pay child support. I am in a happy, healthy, secure, faithful relationship now. I had to kiss alot of frogs along the way, and you might have to too. But trust me, he's out there, waiting for you. And the right guy, will be able to help you overcome your insecurities and trust issues patiently, just like mine. I'm excited for you that you are going to a new school in a different area! And you should be too!! Making new friends and dating new people is just what you need right now. Feel free to PM me anytime you want to chat. TTYS.

[cutipup100]

thank you for your advice on my situation. It is just very hard I obsess at knowing whats going on with him even if it is going to hurt me in the end I just need to know...I make myself sick, cant sleep. Theres a lot going on and I feel like life is over :( I am really just lost and totally in a bad place its hard to think straight and to stay positive...

[claudicakes]

Hi hun,
It looks like  u need a good friend to support you, by the sounds of it you are very young..and trust me....it may sound clichee but I have gone through this same situation, my bf was engaged behind my back!! Listen hun, this guy is garbage, i know u dont see that now because u still love him and want to be with him and all my friends bad-talked my ex and I stuck up for him, and deep down wanted him back!! even after what he did!! I know ur experiencing the same feelings bc u mentioned you were obsessing over him....BUT LET ME TELL YOU.....this wont go away over night, life does go on and you have to fight through the pain bc time will heal the pain and heartbreak you are feeling....It takes time, you invested time with him you are a human being, ofcourse u miss him, ofcourse ur in pain and depressed. Honestly, my only advice is that you WILL get over this, that I pROMISE YOU, THERE WILL BE OTHER BOYS AND BETTER ONES.....FIGHT THROUGH THIS BECAUSE I KNOW RIGHT NOW YOUR WORRY IS THAT YOU WILL NEVER EVER BE HAPPY AGAIN, BUT YOU WILL!! it takes time, and as for your father, prayers, stick with him and spend time with him --family is more importaant that this fake you dated for 4 years, and if it makes you feel better----he is lying to the other girl too, so let her take the burden and keep living your life even through the pain, and also try to get rid of FACEBOOK SOON it causes pure drama and ur torturing yourself, but I know u also cant help it..I DID IT TOO....so stay strong,yOU WILL love again, and happiness will come, fight!!

[claudicakes]

ALSO, I FORGOT TO MENTION ANTIDEPRESSANTS HELPED ME SLEEP BC I WOULD STAY AWAKE EVERY DAY ON FACEBOOK TRYING TO KEEP TRACK OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP TOO!! I HAD A PANIC ATTACK AT WORK BC MY BODY SHUT DOWN FROM THE STRESS, AND HEY, IF YOU NEED THEM FOR SLEEP TAKE THEM, THEY WILL ALSO HELP WITH SCHOOL, GIVE IT SOME TIME AND U CAN WEAN OFF WHEN UR READY!!!

(effexor xr) (AD-name)

:)