Depression or Grief

[Midnightone]

My father passsed away in March 07 from a massive heart attack - I saw him gasping taking his final breath. I cant get this out of my head, and other times I cant understand if he is alive or dead - then when I realize it - it hits me like a brick and its all that I can think about. I am having concentration, memory problems, and I was not sleeping at all. I did not go to the funeral I could not stand to see him in the coffin. People tell me that this is the reason that I am having trouble dealing with it. I dont know I was so close to dad. He lived a good life he was 95, but still it has left a hole in my heart. I can only think of him dying. Plus I have the stress from my mother not dealing with things and she is constantly calling me everyday.
My doctor put me on 10 mg of celexa (depression) and 7.5 zopiclone (sleeping pill). I have been on the depression pill for only ten days and I dont think it is working yet, although I feel a little different. Maybe better I dont know, could be in my head. I took sleeping pills for 20 days and my doctor does not really want to give me any more as they are highly addictive. But I can fall asleep and when I do after many hours then I wake up again. I cant function on 4 hours of sleep. It is turning me into a not nice person at all.
Anyone else dealing with grief and having to take anti-depressants. I have not had any problems with depression or sleeping prior to my dads death. I have not ever lost a loved one, this is the hardest blow I have ever been dealt with in my life, and I am not coping too well.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am at my wits end as to what to do.
And how long should I be taking antidepressants. And how long does it take for them to kick in. thanks

[lonewolf07]

Grief, in my opinion, is something we all deal with differently.  It can hit you at any time or place.  It seems like you are doing everything you can do deal with your grief.  I didn't take any anti-depressants because I felt I needed to feel the pain and anguish of grief so I could heal rather than suppress my emotions but that does not mean that you should do the same thing.  You have to deal with your grief with whatever helps you the most.  Grief is so incredibly painful words can't describe it.  Maybe that's why we have tears - a way of expressing the hurt that words cannot.

Have you considered a group that deals with grief?  I went to one a few times and it really did help.

lonewolf

[Midnightone]

I just came back from the herbal store and have stocked up on sleepy time tea and cinnamon tea, so I hope this helps.
Thanks

[ParamedFlorena]

The good news about the antidepressants are that the side-effects could work faster. One of my coping-techniques to keep the depression down is: 1. Exercise, 2. Sleep and making sure vital needs are covered.

Ten days, then maybe the AD should start working a little bit after all. In a bit of time, you have been off the sleeping aids long enough to take some again.

Have you tried the alternative way with herbs? You've got camomille tea, you have cinnamon tea, you could get some clues if you went to a herbal store!

Florena

[Midnightone]

I am so mad right now.
My doctor is refusing to refill my prescription for zopiclone.
Because I took it from March 6-26 and April 3-12

so there goes my sleeping - the only thing that was helping me cope was getting a good night sleep and now that is gone.
The doctor thinks that I am getting addicted to it, no I was really getting used to having a good night sleep
and doctors are supposed to be there to help you.
He said to keep taking the anti-depressants they will work in about 4-6 weeks, so great I will wait for another 4 weeks and hope to get some sleep then.

I can hardly wait.

[hope_for_more]

When I lost my dad ten years ago he was the first person I'd lost that I was really close to too. I took it very hard.  I remember thinking I would never smile again I was so terribly sad.  Sometimes I'd wake up in the morning and just for a moment would forget that he was gone but I would suddenly remember and as you said, it was like getting hit with a brick.  I too was worried about my mother and how she was coping, I kept thinking of his death, he died at home of cancer with us in the room.  I'm was in my forties at the time and I know some people thought an adult should cope better but I will always be his child.

Over time the memory of his death faded and the memory of his life took over.  It's amazing how quickly some people think you should be over it but you will deal with it in your own time, not by a time schedule.  

I've had to learn to forgive myself for all the "what if" and "if only I'd" too.  My mother's passing a few years later wasn't any easier but in a way I guess I believe they are together now.  I talk to them sometimes and it's funny but it is very comforting to me.

I didn't take an AD but maybe would have if I'd gone to the doctor, frankly I didn't feel like going anywhere.  The best advice I can give is to talk about it openly if/when you feel like it to someone who will listen....a therapist perhaps or a friend.

I don't know much about Celexa but I think 10mg is a pretty low dose and most AD take awhile to work, think in terms of weeks but I'd talk to the doctor about it.  When my daughter started on an AD her pdoc told her to take something over the counter like Benedryl to help sleep so yours may be able to recommend something too. (Again check with your doctor).

Be kind to yourself and I'm very sorry for your loss.

[ParamedFlorena]

Today, I wrote a bill on something, so sure I did. I ended up writing 14.08.2004
A little bit of time ago. Going from the past year to this year always have a certain adjustability-factor to it. Did I create a new word now? Mmm, hope I didn't.

Anyhow! Now knowing this dear you, it becomes a whole lot more difference. It's still fresh for you, you haven't tried on these new shoes that life threw to you. I'm sorry to hear of your loss!

It is in grief that we learn who the listeners are. I'm sure your mother is a good listener too. She might push this whole loss away to her copeable distance too. After all your father did pass away from a family. It's maybe not so very relevant now who you are, but now with the loss of your father, the family that stands behind should come together and talk and bring up the good sides of your father. It is ok to talk about the funeral - some say that that's what helps the grief start, while others don't. You can ask the others how they thought his funeral was - but if they say "that's your reason" I'd say: "That's YOUR WAY".

No one can be fully educated about grief, but everyone will sooner or later meet it in their lives. The loss of  a parent IS the hardest loss, next after loosing a child, and how it happened does matter to you.

Vent how much you like! The walls in here are soundproof.

Florena

[Midnightone]

Man am I ever brain dead

MY DAD PASSED AWAY MARCH 08

[ParamedFlorena]

Hi,

May the good memories of your father warm you.

The priest in the village where I live, and also the funeral parlor tells the relatives: "You can keep the smiling face of your beloved. You don't have to come to the visitation."
It happens very often that there are relatives that don't come to the funeral at all, but rather see the gravesite afterwards. Now in the spring it's many that plant something too at the gravesite.

This year, I plan to plant a rosebush by my mother's grave (a bush won't die like a boquette). It is always strong to go there. Seeing my own maiden name on that stone started my real grief, and that was last year.
It is 22 years since she died this year. The memory of how we found her still flashes up now and then, but getting in touch with a good psychologist as I was a kid, and even now from time to time, it has been the best choice I ever did. (You won't believe it: They claimed my reactions on me being born prematurely and that's just not right!).

Medications works on the emotions and the depression, but only a psychologist can help you over the highest mountaintops. You're allowed to grieve and you are allowed to feel sad and miss your father. Don't forget that. A year doesn't mend grief all at once. Even though you've now just met the first anniversary down the line, you will meet more. You will notice that the next anniversary will be different than this one.

Going through grief is normal, but it is also something called "complicated grief" and I guess maybe you should seek someone professional to help you there, while you have us here! I know I'd appreciate to hear how you're doing.

The initial reason of me being put on Remeron the first time was that I had a tough time coming through September/October and was told it was either a Seasonal Affective Disorder or grief.

Last summer I went to her gravesite as my sister got married in that church - and my SAD-diagnose melted away in ZERO time! Below my maiden name, the date was 25 September.
The more help you get to sift and sort your thoughts, the easier it is going to become.
I've never slept well so the Remeron brought me a lot of positive effects even though I woke up with a massive hangover while I was in the beginning of it.
During grief, I don't believe we should give the antidepressivsa all the credit. It is tough work and we really need to get our emotions figured.

For those who wonder how I can still grieve over my deceased mother? Grief can hit at any time. If it isn't dealt with when it starts, it can be put off for years and cause a whole lot of symptoms. The stronger the symptoms, the more should we look for the cause and treat that.

Please stay in touch Midnightone!
You have touched my heart with this

Florena