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This question may leads to a little depressing or maybe not.

Have you ever feel that you're treated.. differently ?
Like.. um.. do you believe in God ?
Have you ever wonder why some others life is different?
Like.. you've tried so hard and so many times.. again and again
But you just failed.
But others they never asked for it. Even if they do, they succeed.

Why my phone aren't buzzing ? I don't understand why.
I've tried to reach out and communicate. trying to be the fun type, cracking jokes just hope people would find me fun and talk to me often.
But why it hadn't ?

Was it my approach wrong?/

Have you ever been jealous to a person? That you never thought you would, that you never ever think about comparing yourself to other, or to your friend next to you. But it just did. It just happen.
I have a friend. Known her since high school. We sat beside each other. I gave her support when she was down. I tried to introduce people to her. (in high school)
Even during classes i try to let her know study is important since its the last year and i want her to at least get in to college.

But somehow, i've never even think about comparing to myself to her.

Then in college, she's changed. She's doing so well, she has so many friends. Her phone will be always buzzing. She would always go out at night. To drink.
Even there's a lot of people liked her. confess to her.
My crush too.

Then internship year. She don't really have plans. I cheered her, trying to give her a way to go. So i recommend her to a good place.
I heard it's hard to go there. But she just texted me she got accepted.
Somehow i find.. how come i'm not accepted?
Then i cried just now.

Why? Is something wrong? Is something wrong with me?
I don't know why, but my mind jsut start to float some images and compared my life to hers.
Somehow i'm all alone here in my room. My house. During weekends even after school day i jsut came straight back to home. I was never asked out with friends to hang out. My lecturer doesn't seem to find any fond of me.
I tried to find part time job, but thye were hiring full time for kitchen. (i'm a chef)
It's just so hard for me.
She jsut went in to one, or got recommended by her friend. Good salary even the chef inside all likes her. So many guys were after her.

I didn't get the job, no one was after me.

She got into the internship. I'd probably can't.

I feel very tired..
i keep thinking about suicide. it's not about trying again anymore.. it's about.. myself. Somehow something wrong is with me. Not about fixing, but about, maybe, this life. I'm meant to be alone and i'm prepared to just jump out of the window.

Please help, even if i know deep inside only i can help myself, but.. your words might soothe me. please..
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2 Comments Post a Comment
Avatar f tn
You're not alone in this world.  I know sometimes it feels that way.  I don't know what advice I can offer--my own family is going through rough times.  But I can tell you that you're not alone.  Do you have a counselor available at school, or a pastor at a church that you can speak with?  Just talking with someone who is trained to listen can help.  It takes courage to make that first step, finding the right person to talk with.  But that first step could be your new beginning.  Every person on this planet is valuable.  You're valuable.  And you're not alone.  Take care.
Avatar f tn
I know how you feel. I'm only young but I do know what you mean. I used to be best friends with this girl, and now she's excelled in school and friends and I'm just left behind. But don't worry, sometimes people end up worse off even though they deserve more, and the reason why? The world can be harsh like that, but its all about what you do about it that determines the outcome. You can let it get to you and let it break you or you can strive to be better, at anything, at everything. I feel abit of a hypocrite saying this cause I feel the same as you a lot of the time, but when I look at it from someone elses point of view I see that its not so bad. You just need to realise what you really do have! Yeah someone may be a bit smarter or more popular than you, but there always is someone better. You just have to realise that just because there's someone better, doesn't mean you aren't amazing still. You should make a list of what you DO have. Your health, family etc etc. Just think about what's going right instead of what's going wrong..
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