Depression

[mom1166]

How long does depression last after losing a teenage son?

[mom1166]

Thank you so much for your comment. The way you talked about your son really touched my heart. Thank you

[teko]

First let me say, I am so sorry for your loss. We as mothers never think any of our children will go first. I lost a son 10 years ago and for the first year or so afterward I existed. I went thru the motions of living. I felt guilty if I felt happy for any reason. The holidays and family get togethers were heartbraking to say the least. It has only been six months, which feels like yesterday. Be kind to yourself and do not deny your grief. Google the stages one goes thru during the grieving process to see where you are. One thing I remember the most during that time, was that our lives together and his life since birth kept replaying over and over in my head. I remembered counting his fingers and toes when he was born, remembered his smile and his blonde hair as a toddler, first word, first temper fit etc. It went thru my head in a few seconds, over and over again. He was older than your son was. He died of aids and left a wife and 2 children behind, which I have not seen since. You will wake up one day and notice you got thru an hour or maybe even a whole day without the thinking constantly, then it will graduall get to where it may hit once or twice a wk. You will never never get over losing your son, but you can live and be happy once again. Your son would want you to be happy and tho his job here is done, yours is not. Hugs and prayers go out to you!

[Survivor59]

I agree with LeftCoastChick.  You won't ever totally get over it.  The pain lessens as time goes by.  If you're having serious depression problems, go see a doctor.  Sometimes (this is just my opinion) I think depression gets to be a habit.  I went on anti-depressants for the first time last December.  I was having bad anxiety/depression problems and just could not seem to pull myself out of it.  Anti-depressants broke the cycle and kind of helped my mind hit the reset button.  I've quit taking them now and feel really good mentally (having some physical withdrawal symptoms though), but if I ever need meds again, I'll take them.

I've never lost a child, but about 5 years ago my 18 year old nephew was murdered by a friend.  Our entire family was devastated by the loss.  It gets easier.

[LeftCoastChick]

Grief lessens in time, but you never "get over it", it's just not so sharply painful, when you get out of that tunnel of pain - you'll start remember how he was, in a special way, not just remembering the pain and loss. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, wrote a great book, it's been around for years, it's called "On Death and Dying". It makes totaly sense, the steps are different for each person, or in a different order, but it does explain your feelings. I read it when a good friend in high school killed himself, I just couldn't get past the thought that I could have done something, i retrospect i couldn't have. It gave me an understanding of my feelings. It still hurts to talk about it, but those feelings aren't in my thoughts to the same degree as they were. I reread after my Uncle passed a couple of years ago, he was the closest to my heart.  It's such intimate journey, there are no time lines to heal. I would say though if after a year, your not able to ge past certain points, you may want to see a therapist. even earlier, grief gets easier the more you talk about it.

I wish you the best on this difficult journey,
LeftCoastChick
Depression Community Leader

[upsetwoman]

I think I take a long time to start to grief.  This form of anger and anxiety is so bad I mentioned in another thread that I attacked cousins that I've  had alot to stay to over the years.  I really let them have it.  There wasn't anything wrong with what I said.  It was only truth based on how stupid they are!  Yet I should have stayed the way I was, quiet and not mix too much.  Now, they are mad knowing how i feel.  I think everything that bothers me comes to haunt me when I grieve.  My Dad is actually dead!  I still can't believe it.  My nephew, 16, is really dead.  It is hitting me lately and I wish I could get to the pain and take it out.  I wish we all could.  Talking does help.
See you,
Upsetwoman

[star641]

I'm so sorry for your loss ,.....can i ask you if you have been diagnosed with depression ?
its so early days for you in your grieving ,..grieving  can take the form of depression .
when my son died from suicide i felt depressed so depressed ,i know if you haven't grieved in the first 6 months it turns into depression  ,...it took me 3 years to even start to grieve for my son  because i couldn't believe my son was even dead ,...
as i was about to grieve for my son my daughter took her life she was just 17 years old ,
now i suffer with sever depression now,...things got so bad for me after that ,..and after that my 11 year old son was diagnosed with a tumor in his leg ,..god gave us a break on that one it turned out to be benign ,....he is just 12 now and doing fine ,...
i cant really answer your question on depression because there is more to depression than you think .   i am here doe if you ever want to ask me anything about loosing your child ,...my thought are with you at this time ,...bernie mom of mark and tracey ,

[bernie40]

I don't think anyone can ever truly "get over" losing a child but what will hopefully happen is that over time you will learn to deal with the loss better.  As for "choosing to stop being depressed" I think this is a terrible statement to make (perhaps I have misread it??).  It infers that people have control over whether or not they are depressed and this is absolutely not true.  Yes, you can choose whether or not you try to do something about it but even that can take strength that sometimes is just not there.

Your loss is very very recent and there is no time scale no set rules on how long you will grieve for.  All I know is that eventually you will start to do a little more, maybe not daily, but you will find yourself doing things that you haven't done for a while.

Seek the help of a good bereavement counsellor, trust in your Dr and reach out for help from those around you (and your faith).

Take it each day at a time.  My heart goes out to you.

[upsetwoman]

Anytime, please write.  My heart and soul go out to you as you grieve.  I don't know how you do it.  Keep moving.  Feel the sun on your face every day.  Your son is out there. What do you do to keep busy?

[mom1166]

Thank you for your comment. I am sorry you lost your nephew. I know he was a very special young man the way you spoke of him. I lost my son 6 months ago. He was 18. He died of an overdose of prescription pills. I do have a relationship with God. He has helped me so much, but I do have times that really are hard. I am good most of the days. There are days that are real emotional. Thank you again!

[upsetwoman]

My sister lost her son to a battle with cancer on Sept.2, 2003.  This sadness needs to have a bandaid put on it.  It does't go away.  The bandaid will work as long as you like it to.  My sister works hard, goes out alot, has a great boyfriend, and has used my help as often as needed.  You really need to connect with God if you haven't.  You can choose when to stop being depressed.  If it doesn't eventually go away, please seek the help of a good doctor.  Try to exercise and know that we too lost a beautiful 16 year old.  Sometimes think of his struggle, lying in bed, waiting to die and I get depressed.  I visualise him in heaven doing work for God and that is what gives me comfort.  My nephew taught me who Jesus was.  He drew closer to God through prayer each day to prepare for his new home.  He told us he would miss us, and he also told me personally to BE STRONG, AND BE HAPPY.  This banner hangs in the highschool and is printed on the gold plaque in the hallway memorial set up for him.  He is our hero.  I know I will see him in heaven if I follow the right steps he followed.  God Bless, and you are not alone.