Do I have a form of OCD?

Hello,

I am a 21 year old male. I have always been one to dwell on past events and wonder what things would be like if I could go back and do things differently, but a recent experience has made it an obsession. In October my girlfriend broke up with me, we were only dating for 2 months long distance. I seemed not to care and did things which lead her to believe that I was not interested in continuing the relationship.

After she broke up with me, I became obsessed with the idea of going back in time to correct my mistakes. I cannot go 5 minutes without the idea popping into my head. It affects every aspect of my life. Any time I am doing any sort of activity or am socializing, I imagine what it would be like at that moment if I had changed things. Often times I reject offers to social gatherings and spending time with friends to dwell and fantasize about being given a second chance.

Because of this, I am very depressed, and feel anything I do or plan to do in the future does not matter, or that it shouldn't matter, because that isn't "how it's supposed to be". I feel very helpless that I am not able to change the past, and often give myself false hope by browsing the internet for crazy time travel stories, magic, astral projection, etc. I then daydream and fantasize about using  some sort of specific method to achieve my goal. I have never been a religious person, but at this point I force myself to believe in any system that would allow me to re-do my past.

An example of how it pops into my head constantly is the other day I was filling out a form that required my address. While filling my address out, I thought to myself how the address would be different if I had done things differently (We planned to move in together early in the relationship). If I am sitting with a friend or engaged in any sort of social activity, I often disassociate myself from what is happening to ponder what it would be like if she was there with me right now, or what I would be doing at the time.

This has driven me to the point of almost insanity, as the helpless and hopeless feeling I have along with hatred for myself for what I have done constantly gives me suicidal thoughts.'

I don't believe I was ever odd in any sort of way growing up, I don't think anyone really notices how affected I am by this, which leads me to believe that I don't have any sort of disorder but just have trouble with this one problem. But, I have read that even without performing rituals or trying to be organized one can be classified as having OCD. I am just looking for some opinions on this.

[jo929]

you sound like a very smart youn man that has it together but you want to dwell in the past are you sure that you thought this much of the girl or are you a little upset that she broke it off i think that you know why you want to go to past but you know that you cant  , the way you come across i dont think that this is the major issue with. her .as far as having ocd i would not dwell on that if you cant go forward then go to the dr but maybe you can try to focus on the future i do hope so dont look back look to what is ahead there is a whole world out there if you want it, and it isnt as if you were in a middle age crisis have fun      jo