Aa
Do I have a mental problem? Should I seek help?
This is something I posted on Yahoo Answers, but I wanted serious, proffessional opinions. It is quite long as I struggle to explain, so bear with me....
A few years ago, I was a tough guy. The toughest guy in fact. Trained 4 hours a day, did Muay Thai, go into quite a number of fights when I was younger, got shot at and shot back at people, rough existence. I was never scared of anyone or anything, although I regret that part of my life, I've come to accept the fact I was a different and mean person back then.
Then, when I had my kids, I changed drastically. Had to stop trainning because my youngest got sick and money problems started piling on.
Yet, for the past like, 3-4 weeks, I,ve started DRASTICALLY changing for reasons I don't know. I feel like I'm slipping into insanity, for lack of a better explanation.
I watched about 4 months ago, by almost random accident, a compilation of plane crashes. Since then, for an absolutely unknown reason, I can't sleep at night. There's an airport on the island where I live, big commercial airport. We hear planes over our heads every 30 mins or so. I've started developing a paralysing, almost irrational fear of one crashing and killing me and my kids. I don't know where this came from, but my heart starts beating so bad I feel like I'm having a heart attack. I've never had these before and I have a LOT of trouble controlling it, a guy who used to pride himself on his self-control....
Second, tornados. We had some storms recently and the same type of fear as the above keeps me awake whenever it rains. I'm deathly scared. Once made a mad dash for the basement because I thought "that was it"....completely irrational.
Third, my new neighbors are complete jerks, not to mention a criminal gang. Music so loud and crazy at all times of the day, threats to neighboors.
I spent about 4 hours yesterday with my head spinning and almost grabbing my baseball bat and kill the whole lot of them. A few years ago I wouldn't even have hesitated.
But I fear them. I started being afraid of everything and anything, uncontrollably so, for no reason. I don't know what's going on. I even fear calling the cops because they have a police scanner and I fear them trying to kill my kids......
So my question is, what the hell is wrong with me?
Why am I suddenly afraid of everything and can Ido anything to stop it? I really feel like my heart will blow up every time and it leaves me with HUGE headaches afterwards....
Reading the last bit makes me look a lil bit out of my mind LOL.
I'm not. I'm a real rational person actually. I used to be a mean son of a gun, but not anymore. Only thing makes me mad is the neighboors, but the problem I have I want solve is these inexplicable "panic attacks" of fear I've never had before. And when I mean crippling, I mean it prevents me from doing activities I used to do. Sometimes I'll be walking down the street and hear a plane and DUCK on a sidewalks because I feel it's "coming down too low". My kids laugh at me and I laugh with them, but....this isn't me.
Don't worry, I won't kill my neighbhors. I wanted to beat them up bad, but like I said...I'm getting afraid for no reason. I actually feel like my head is going to burst when it happens. I don't know how to explain this.
Oh and I don't take medication. i'm as fit as a fiddle according to the docs. I went numerous times at the hospital because I started developing trouble breathing (probably because of smoking.....) all at once, especially in the mornings. They disagree on asthma, they disagree on everything. So no medication and I endure even though I cough so much in the morning I feel like I'm going to choke to death. I also only have my kids every weekend out of 2, so thank God, they don't get to see the worst of these attacks...
Another ridiculous example.I can't control it. It's ruining my life. Sometimes I don't go out because I'm afraid...something will happen. It's ridiculous. I didn't go and buy more coffee yesterday because I was afraid to pass by my neighbhors home, afraid he'd insult me like he does with the whole neighborhood (except me as of now), me getting angry, trying to off that guy and then getting off-ed myself. The whole concept terrorises me.....
I should also mentioned my neighbors are members of a notorious known gang of criminals in my city. But since it's a known "unknown" fact they buy off the cops, whenever I call them, they don't show up.
Way back when, I used to get these...rages all the time. I could focus them and fight. Sometimes I still get them, I get so ANGRY I could literally make a hole in the wall and go kill everyone in the appartement next door and laugh like Hell while doing it... but then, not to mention the fact it's a crime and it disgusts me even though sometimes I feel like I have no choice, all that hatred turns to fear in a second and leaves me shaking like a freaking leaf without strenght in my bones. I have to sit down when that happens.
Am I really going mental, do I have a mental problem?
A few years ago, I was a tough guy. The toughest guy in fact. Trained 4 hours a day, did Muay Thai, go into quite a number of fights when I was younger, got shot at and shot back at people, rough existence. I was never scared of anyone or anything, although I regret that part of my life, I've come to accept the fact I was a different and mean person back then.
Then, when I had my kids, I changed drastically. Had to stop trainning because my youngest got sick and money problems started piling on.
Yet, for the past like, 3-4 weeks, I,ve started DRASTICALLY changing for reasons I don't know. I feel like I'm slipping into insanity, for lack of a better explanation.
I watched about 4 months ago, by almost random accident, a compilation of plane crashes. Since then, for an absolutely unknown reason, I can't sleep at night. There's an airport on the island where I live, big commercial airport. We hear planes over our heads every 30 mins or so. I've started developing a paralysing, almost irrational fear of one crashing and killing me and my kids. I don't know where this came from, but my heart starts beating so bad I feel like I'm having a heart attack. I've never had these before and I have a LOT of trouble controlling it, a guy who used to pride himself on his self-control....
Second, tornados. We had some storms recently and the same type of fear as the above keeps me awake whenever it rains. I'm deathly scared. Once made a mad dash for the basement because I thought "that was it"....completely irrational.
Third, my new neighbors are complete jerks, not to mention a criminal gang. Music so loud and crazy at all times of the day, threats to neighboors.
I spent about 4 hours yesterday with my head spinning and almost grabbing my baseball bat and kill the whole lot of them. A few years ago I wouldn't even have hesitated.
But I fear them. I started being afraid of everything and anything, uncontrollably so, for no reason. I don't know what's going on. I even fear calling the cops because they have a police scanner and I fear them trying to kill my kids......
So my question is, what the hell is wrong with me?
Why am I suddenly afraid of everything and can Ido anything to stop it? I really feel like my heart will blow up every time and it leaves me with HUGE headaches afterwards....
Reading the last bit makes me look a lil bit out of my mind LOL.
I'm not. I'm a real rational person actually. I used to be a mean son of a gun, but not anymore. Only thing makes me mad is the neighboors, but the problem I have I want solve is these inexplicable "panic attacks" of fear I've never had before. And when I mean crippling, I mean it prevents me from doing activities I used to do. Sometimes I'll be walking down the street and hear a plane and DUCK on a sidewalks because I feel it's "coming down too low". My kids laugh at me and I laugh with them, but....this isn't me.
Don't worry, I won't kill my neighbhors. I wanted to beat them up bad, but like I said...I'm getting afraid for no reason. I actually feel like my head is going to burst when it happens. I don't know how to explain this.
Oh and I don't take medication. i'm as fit as a fiddle according to the docs. I went numerous times at the hospital because I started developing trouble breathing (probably because of smoking.....) all at once, especially in the mornings. They disagree on asthma, they disagree on everything. So no medication and I endure even though I cough so much in the morning I feel like I'm going to choke to death. I also only have my kids every weekend out of 2, so thank God, they don't get to see the worst of these attacks...
Another ridiculous example.I can't control it. It's ruining my life. Sometimes I don't go out because I'm afraid...something will happen. It's ridiculous. I didn't go and buy more coffee yesterday because I was afraid to pass by my neighbhors home, afraid he'd insult me like he does with the whole neighborhood (except me as of now), me getting angry, trying to off that guy and then getting off-ed myself. The whole concept terrorises me.....
I should also mentioned my neighbors are members of a notorious known gang of criminals in my city. But since it's a known "unknown" fact they buy off the cops, whenever I call them, they don't show up.
Way back when, I used to get these...rages all the time. I could focus them and fight. Sometimes I still get them, I get so ANGRY I could literally make a hole in the wall and go kill everyone in the appartement next door and laugh like Hell while doing it... but then, not to mention the fact it's a crime and it disgusts me even though sometimes I feel like I have no choice, all that hatred turns to fear in a second and leaves me shaking like a freaking leaf without strenght in my bones. I have to sit down when that happens.
Am I really going mental, do I have a mental problem?
Hello and welcome!
Sounds to me that you've developed panic attacks. Everything you describe is pretty much textbook, from the irrational fears to the desire to avoid situations that cause you anxiety. You also describe a panic attack pretty much perfectly (which could be part of the breathing issue).
It's not at all abnormal that once a person has kids (especially someone like you who lived a kind of "on the edge" existence, feeling invicible), they begin to realize just how NOT invincible we are, and it scares the crap out of people. It's at that time, anxiety can be triggered, and for some people, they just cannot shake it off. Sounds like that's where you are.
It's normal to have certain fears, and worry about the safety of our kids, but when the fears become irrational, and when they become all consuming and affect our daily lives, it's time to get some help. You don't have to accept this as your new "normal".
You would start by asking your doc for a referral to a psychiatrist, who will thoroughly evaluate you and offer you an accurate diagnosis. There are many different kinds of anxiety disorders, if I was a betting woman, I'd bet you're dealing with panic disorder with a resulting agoraphobia (avoidant behavior of anxiety producing situations).
Understand this, this has nothing to do with being normal or rational, or crazy. MOST of us with anxiety disorders (I have PD myself) are completely rational, even analytical people, which makes it that much more frustrating and confusing. We torture ourselves because we KNOW our fears are irrational, yet feel powerless over them. That will change once you get some help. Therapy is a must. You will learn all about what's going on and different ways to cope and ways to stop that anxious reaction and "what if" thinking you're doing. It takes some time and some practice, but it's totally doable.
Also, medications are an option. Meds are not a cure, but they help to control the symptoms to get you feeling a little less anxious, so you can make progress with your therapy. Meds will help improve the quality of your life by decreasing the amount of panic attacks you have, and the severity of them. Once you learn how to dismiss the thoughts and take the control back, you'll be well on your way to managing this.
Don't get hung up on the "whys". It's virtually impossible to figure out why some of us end up with chronic anxiety issues...with the exception of someone with severe past trauma. There are theories that there is a large genetic component, along with other factors. This isn't a character flaw or anything of the sort. This doesn't define who YOU are as a person. All this means is you've developed anxiety that is affecting your daily life.
I agree that the neighbor situation is not good. Now, I don't believe that's causing these issues for you, it's just another thing that's triggering anxious feelings in you, and your history of living a more dangerous lifestyle in the past is feeding your fears. If at all possible, it would be great if you could start looking into changing your environment. Is moving a possibility?
So, start with your doc, ask for a referral, find out what you're dealing with and start discussing treatment options. There's nothing wrong with seeking help for this. Actually, it's the smart thing to do. It's nothing to feel funny about, or embarrassed about in any way. This is totally manageable. You're not crazy...but you do seem to be dealing with some sort of disorder...that needs sorted out. Just because you're a big "tough guy" doesn't mean you should somehow "man up" and just deal with it, or try to fix it alone. You'd be surprised at how many big tough men deal with anxiety disordfers.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. We have a great anxiety forum if you want to check it out. I think you'll be amazed at how much you'll relate to others there. Even just searching and reading will probably bring you to a lot of "a ha!" moments.
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Anxiety/show/71
(Just a mini disclaimer..I'm obviously not a doctor and am not "diagnosing" you...but my reply is geared toward the assumption that you're dealing with an anxiety disorder....which is my hunch).
Sounds to me that you've developed panic attacks. Everything you describe is pretty much textbook, from the irrational fears to the desire to avoid situations that cause you anxiety. You also describe a panic attack pretty much perfectly (which could be part of the breathing issue).
It's not at all abnormal that once a person has kids (especially someone like you who lived a kind of "on the edge" existence, feeling invicible), they begin to realize just how NOT invincible we are, and it scares the crap out of people. It's at that time, anxiety can be triggered, and for some people, they just cannot shake it off. Sounds like that's where you are.
It's normal to have certain fears, and worry about the safety of our kids, but when the fears become irrational, and when they become all consuming and affect our daily lives, it's time to get some help. You don't have to accept this as your new "normal".
You would start by asking your doc for a referral to a psychiatrist, who will thoroughly evaluate you and offer you an accurate diagnosis. There are many different kinds of anxiety disorders, if I was a betting woman, I'd bet you're dealing with panic disorder with a resulting agoraphobia (avoidant behavior of anxiety producing situations).
Understand this, this has nothing to do with being normal or rational, or crazy. MOST of us with anxiety disorders (I have PD myself) are completely rational, even analytical people, which makes it that much more frustrating and confusing. We torture ourselves because we KNOW our fears are irrational, yet feel powerless over them. That will change once you get some help. Therapy is a must. You will learn all about what's going on and different ways to cope and ways to stop that anxious reaction and "what if" thinking you're doing. It takes some time and some practice, but it's totally doable.
Also, medications are an option. Meds are not a cure, but they help to control the symptoms to get you feeling a little less anxious, so you can make progress with your therapy. Meds will help improve the quality of your life by decreasing the amount of panic attacks you have, and the severity of them. Once you learn how to dismiss the thoughts and take the control back, you'll be well on your way to managing this.
Don't get hung up on the "whys". It's virtually impossible to figure out why some of us end up with chronic anxiety issues...with the exception of someone with severe past trauma. There are theories that there is a large genetic component, along with other factors. This isn't a character flaw or anything of the sort. This doesn't define who YOU are as a person. All this means is you've developed anxiety that is affecting your daily life.
I agree that the neighbor situation is not good. Now, I don't believe that's causing these issues for you, it's just another thing that's triggering anxious feelings in you, and your history of living a more dangerous lifestyle in the past is feeding your fears. If at all possible, it would be great if you could start looking into changing your environment. Is moving a possibility?
So, start with your doc, ask for a referral, find out what you're dealing with and start discussing treatment options. There's nothing wrong with seeking help for this. Actually, it's the smart thing to do. It's nothing to feel funny about, or embarrassed about in any way. This is totally manageable. You're not crazy...but you do seem to be dealing with some sort of disorder...that needs sorted out. Just because you're a big "tough guy" doesn't mean you should somehow "man up" and just deal with it, or try to fix it alone. You'd be surprised at how many big tough men deal with anxiety disordfers.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. We have a great anxiety forum if you want to check it out. I think you'll be amazed at how much you'll relate to others there. Even just searching and reading will probably bring you to a lot of "a ha!" moments.
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Anxiety/show/71
(Just a mini disclaimer..I'm obviously not a doctor and am not "diagnosing" you...but my reply is geared toward the assumption that you're dealing with an anxiety disorder....which is my hunch).
I am sorry but all you will get here is opinions from other people with depression, we are not a group of mental health professionals.
It sounds to me like you are having a completely rational reaction to your neighbors which is also spilling into other fears. You need to move out of there ASAP. That would be enough to drive anyone crazy.
And you need to go back to the doctor and describe your coughing just as you did above. That coughing is not normal.
I think that once you get away from your neighbors, your system will calm down. But also, there are many studies that show that constant noise, specifically from flights going close over head can cause all kinds of physical reactions. So your body may also be reacting to the noise.
As far as your anger, I hope that you don't act on it, because that could prevent you from ever seeing your children again. You would be best to get counseling for it, if it continues AFTER getting away from those neighbors.
I don't know if you have a job that you need to stay on that island with the constant noise, but if so, it would be worth it to find another job off the island.
I don't think that you are crazy. I just think that your circumstances are making you crazy, if that makes any sense. LOL. Wish you the best.
And you need to go back to the doctor and describe your coughing just as you did above. That coughing is not normal.
I think that once you get away from your neighbors, your system will calm down. But also, there are many studies that show that constant noise, specifically from flights going close over head can cause all kinds of physical reactions. So your body may also be reacting to the noise.
As far as your anger, I hope that you don't act on it, because that could prevent you from ever seeing your children again. You would be best to get counseling for it, if it continues AFTER getting away from those neighbors.
I don't know if you have a job that you need to stay on that island with the constant noise, but if so, it would be worth it to find another job off the island.
I don't think that you are crazy. I just think that your circumstances are making you crazy, if that makes any sense. LOL. Wish you the best.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Depression Community
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
