Do I need medication

[tammy1986]

Hi all,
My dad had commited suicide 13 years back. My younger sister commited suicide in mysterious condition 3 months back. I'd quit my job and went back to my homwtown to b with my mom. However i could not survive and um back. I cant stop crying and i get suicidal thoughts every now and then. I've become so depressed that it has started hampering my relationships with every person that i know inclusing my lovely boyfriend. I was a very happy person who loved to interact with people and now i dont feel like doing anything. I dont have any purpose in my life. I dont want to die as my mom has seen lot of hardships in life.It seems as if everyone has used me. Ive been betrayed by my friends n have had 2 failed relationships. I dont know what to do . Please help.

[ilgyid]

Tammy. this is a sad situation sweetie-one I have battled for many years. My dad killed himslf in 1977, my only sibbling died in 1986 thru a horrible car accident, my mom died in 1990 of a massive heart attack.My youngest son was suicidal for years all this made me so confused and nervous. Anti-depressants have helped me. I would suggest you go to therapy and talk about it all you can. I found venting has helped me as much as much as meds. I have thought a lot about is suicide in your genes. enviromental or what.I think it is more the enviroment you are in, how you handle stressors in life, how much faith  I have in God number 1. The desire to live  has such an important impact in the decisions we make. The old saying is true" It isn't how big the dog is but, how much fight is in the dog. I know a lot of what you are going thru so many questions and not many answers. God love you dear===Ilgy

[tammy1986]

hi bell, sorry got busy looking for jobs. I am trying my best to distract myself so much so that i dont think anything. my mom has come to stay with me for few days and i draw tons of +ve energy from her.Also i can tell u that crying helps a lot , it takes out all the emotions in form of tears and make u light. i really pray for u as well , u r a wonderful person and we deserve a decent life without medications and doctors wat say ? so please lets pray together that there is nothing in this world that we cant sort out .. i really   for ur wellbeing .. tk care of urself bell...and give my love to ur children .. big huggs to u..

[bell24]

hi tammy,how are you doing today love ,and how is your mom ,are things a bit better with you and your boyfriend  i hope there are ,remember your kid sister is with ,and will always be with you and your mom ,and she is with my son and daughter ,as im with you ,funny old world isn't it ,you are thousands of miles away yet we've met here .i hope your ok .god bless .bell.

[bell24]

oh let your emotions  out you will feel a bit better ,well so im told ,that one i cant really say ,maybe you might help me with that one ,just to tell me what its like when you cry and how you feel ,oh i been told by my therpist its good to cry but she hasn't gone through what we went through ,would you tell me just how that feels ,tammy i never could cry after my daughter died it was to much after my son ,and i wish i could cry ,cry all day ,bell,

[bell24]

im so sorry for not getting back as i wanted hun ,your mom might seem strong but believe me and im a mom to ,we do that for our family's dont forget a rock can get crushed ,im sure she lives you to bits and that goes without saying ,she also lost the man she loved ,and part of her, your sister you both have to look out for each other ,it will bring you closer to one another as well ,hun i hope i dont ever say the wrong thing to you ,as ive said im just a mother ,but the mother of my flesh and blood ,have you thought about getting help from your d.r.when your ready that is ,hun you may never know  the reason why your sister did what she did ,all you can say is she  got  to tired to live ,lots of things will go on in your head and that is normal ,you are not helpless ,can you remember when you cheered up your friend ,thats not been hopeless ,and as for your boyfriend he will just have to understand both you and your mom dont need this from him at this time,i had all of this from my daughters boyfriend to,and like your mom i had to have a world with him ,it took time with them both ,she needed to go to see a head d.r. and was put on meds ,she is doing so well now ,look hun if he loves you he will stick by you good or sad ,its very early days yet but you will get though it with help,dont mind what he says you've got to look after yourself ,he comes later im sorry to have to say ,but thats the way its going to be and dont ever think your selfish because your not ,look he was only been silly and chidish,remember you were only trying to cheer your friend up and when realises that he will come around ,let me know what happens have got lots if therapy ,and i will try help you through this ,im sending you a big hug  ,bell.

[tammy1986]

my mom is a strong individual, she is trying to cope. she keeps praying. actually both of us still dont believe its happened to us(we dont know the reason why she did that, just speculating) . i know i shud drive energy from her but i am helpless. nothing is working out wen i am with mom or my boyfriend then i am sad, wen um away still um the same. i am not able to control my emotions even an iota and lack ability of looking at problems separatley. if something comes up i get sad for everything. i keep praying , try doing things to keep me busy i cant . now there is another prob that um facing with my b/f. i dunno why but one day i was chatting with my ex, and i asked him if he is single , he replied that he broke off , so , i was trying to cheer him up by laughing out on our past and was pulling his leg by saying that i imagined him while helping myself. this was for the first time i did something like this after we had broke up.i felt guilty n after 2 days i told my b/f about the chat , he got sad but ultimately he was okay . then he chked his email and found that chat was forwarded by my ex to him n he got furious. i tried working out things, my mom also spoke to my b/f . but he says he still cant forget it n does not feel for me the way he used to and i feel his commitment towards me has changed, um shattered cause i know i never meant to hurt him. i dunno wat to do , i feel lonely , i only expected him to understand that i was childish , um not in rite frame of my mind..........

[bell24]

no thank you for listen to me ,im just a mom thats all,you have every right if not more to be happy  , what you've been through my dear,you and your mom are going to need each other now more than ever,just like my daughter and i did ,i am trying to be strong for them ,can i ask you how is your mom ,i know its early days for you both since your sister ,but you need help with this you cant do this on your own ,i am here for you anytime you need me ,but you will need some kind of counselling later on .of course you will struggle and feel tired ,this has taken so much out of you ,talking will help but its going to be long and hard ,thats what suicide does to people thats left behind ,you cant fight it yourself ,remember we are all here for you tammy ,get in touch anytime ,i am still struggling ,and will for as long as i live ,but it wont hurt to talk ,godbless bell,

[tammy1986]

thanx for ur advice. u sure r an inspiration to people likeme. um sorry to hear about ur losses as well. i used to think thatdont i have right to be happy like others, why so much struggle? when i try to pull my self together something comes up and i dont how much i have to struggle. i feel tired , i wish talking cud help but it seems it rather gets on to other's nerves. why shud someone be bothered by my baggages. um trying to fight it aloself. um trying to pick a job . hope it works.trying to help my self .tk care of urself u seem to be a strong individual god bless u and ur children

[bell24]

hello tammy,i just want to say im really sorry to here about your loss .i can relate to you as i have lost my son and daughter to suicide ,you must go and talk to someone about how  you feel ,suicidal deaths are so hard to deal with ,i have become suicidal since i lost my children ,but i also have one more son and daughter to think of ,its so hard to fight these thoughs at times but i must for there sake ,so i know what you meen when you say you dont want  to  hurt your mom, and thats so breave of you to think like that ,but you must get yourself help my therapist is very good ,but i am also on meds,when you sort out your depression you will find you will get on better with people ,my daughter was the same as you and we got her help after all loosing her brother and sister in the last 6 years really hit her hard but she is doing well now ,if you would like to talk about anything ,just get in touch god bless hun and take care of yourself,bell.

[ParamedFlorena]

Hi tammy86,

You ahve certainly gone through a lot of harsh things in life. You have done a lot for your mom, and you did probably do quite a lot for your sister too.
I am sorry for the losses you have. It isn't easy to go through that at all, and when someone dies in such a way, it is as if it is complicated the 2nd time since it has happened before.
Everything comes up again. I can with the hand on my heart say I know how tough it is to go through this.

It is something to adjust to. I've quit saying "letting go" a long time ago. We don't let go of our beloveds, we have to find a way to live on with this person in our hearts - their smiles, the meaning of who they were to us.

What you can do is to look into the option of therapy together with your GP. I think that's where I'd have started. I wouldn't hop right to the medications right away. It is a whole lot of things to be sad for and medications don't take away reasons. They help us by taking the top off the depression but the reasons for the depression are still there.

Hold on, be strong - there is a way.

Florena