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Don't know how to ask for help.
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Don't know how to ask for help.

I have anxiety - I have panic disorder, my plate is way full.  After separating once before from my husband I have filed for divorce a year ago.  He is gay.  I found this out after I had him thrown in jail for assault and battery. Since then he has been arrested for having sex in public with another guy.  He is angry at me for some reason and won't agree to a divorce.  A year ago I also lost my grandson. He died at 31 week gestation.  He was so beautiful, and it was such a sad time in my life and my daughters life.   Since my separation from my husband I met the most wonderful man.  Kind, loving, caring.  So gentle.  My father passed away in June and while I had no one by my side, he was there.  My mother and my brother have already passed.  We just recently found out that my boyfriend has congestive heart failure, and after a heart cath, he will need open heart surgery.  He is scared.  I also found out my daughter is pregnant again, and after seeing a specialist this time we found out she has a blood disorder, which most likely caused the death of my granson, Jack. She needs to take special medications now and will be considered high risk pregnancy.  How does one cope through all of this?  I am so worried that when my boyfriend has heart surgery I wont be able to take off enough time to take care of him, his dad and sisters live in California and when I told them he needed open heart surgery I had no offers to help take care of him.  His dad just gave his best and said he would pray.  Although he had no problem flying in to take care of his mother on a simple surgery. His sister offered to come down but refused to stay with us (when i really would need her help with him). I don't have much time to take off work to take care of him.  

This man in my life my kids love, he has been so generous and loving. He can't wait to have grandkids and marry me.  He never was able to have his own children, his wife secretly took birth control to prevent children.  My kids never experienced love and caring with my husband I am trying to divorce (after 15 years - a fake marriage, since about 2007 he has been emailing other men).  So my pregnant daughter would be a likely candidate to help him for a week or two until he can get around.  

Sorry to sound all over the place.  But some insight would help. i am not normally depressed, but i have a hard time staying on the positive side.  
I just feel like I need
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That sounds like a lot to go through. Its understanble you are feeling depressed. All that is enough to make anyone depressed. Im really sorry this is going on and for the loss of your grandson. I really dont have much advise. Just try to find some help or some support that can help you get through this rough time. Maybe you can even try to find a counciler to help. Even if you dont actually have depression it might help unload all this. And of course maybe talking here might help too. Plenty of people here wouldnt mind listening. Hope things will go ok.
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