Don't know why I let things bother me...

This is my first time posting on this discussion board, but I've posted on the Relationship boards previously.  Just a brief history, I have dealt with depression before, but not for several years. I had a really bad episode in 2004-2005, and I think most of it was due to life transitions. (I take 50mg of Zoloft daily).  I have always been a fairly upbeat person, and I'm a mover and a shaker. I moved around quite a bit after grad school - I moved out to the west coast for a few years, then moved to another city in the Midwest where I only stayed for 1 year. Now, I'm back closer to the south and my family. I just moved to this new city less than 2 months ago. I have several people that I know in the area, and I went to college with a few of them. I go out almost every weekend and I'm trying to keep myself occupied. However, I'm starting to notice that I want more out of my life and my relationships. One of the people I know in my new city is a guy that I've known for about 10 years. We were FWB, but never dated. He was also the first guy I ever slept with. We used to hang out a lot when we were in college, and randomly kept in touch over the years. I've also had several relationships in between. I hung out with him a couple of times when I first moved to town a few weeks ago, but lately I'd been feeling like there was no point to our relationship. I blocked him from all my social media (FB, linkedin, etc) because I just can't stand to see him. I know it was probably kind of a harsh thing to do, since I didn't talk to him about it and he didn't really do anything wrong. I know we will never be friends like we were before we had sex, and everytime I see him I'm reminded of it. I felt like the only way to get rid of those feelings was to remove him from my life completely. On top of all this, I'm really just feeling out of sorts. I'm glad that I live closer to my family, and that I know more people in this new city, but I feel like I just don't have the connections I want to the friends I do have. I'm ready to find a serious relationship and have a community of close friends - it's been very difficult for me to do this since I've moved around several times in the last four years. Everyone keeps telling me to 'be patient' but it's really hard. I just need ideas on how to combat these feelings of hopelessness and loneliness. Please help.

[Bubulous]

Find peace within yourself and you will find peace without.  I know it sounds strange and unreachable but I tell a lot of people to do this and it worked for me.  The best way to find that someone is to not be looking for them.  Fall back in love with yourself.  If you are not working out, start doing some form of exercise.  Do some yoga, take time to meditate and journal your feelings so you can tell the things that you like about yourself and the things you want to improve.  Self exploration is a great way to understand what is going on.  If you get the problem wrong the solution will be wrong every time....

Good Luck and welcome to the forum

[jmelks8]

Thanks for the comment.  I think a lot of my problem is that I'm very impatient.  I'm realizing the older I get I have to make things happen for myself, they won't just find me.  I'm an avid runner and I do work out a lot, and that really does help to get rid of some of these feelings.  I'm wondering too if maybe I should talk to my doctor and begin using a different medication, since I've been on Zoloft for about 6 years.  I've noticed the past year or so, I've had more mood swings, and the roller coaster feelings.  Anyone else had this problem?

[Bubulous]

Perhaps post another question if you get no responses on here. Good Luck

[looloo141]

Yes you could ask for another med or you could have the Zoloft increased, 50mg is the lowest dose. Zoloft is great for major chronic depression, but some people don't like it, it can be a bit too much, a lot of people say it makes them agitated and anxious. I am Bipolar but years ago I was prescribed Trazadone and Zoloft at the same time, as I was extremely depressed and nothing was working, I found the Zoloft was brilliant for me, the nervous energy that you feel for the first few weeks was exactly what I needed! I was not moving very much and was bed bound, and it gave me the energy to hug my kids and make it to the toilet.
I think that with you being on it for 6 years it's not really doing much for you now, you have got used to it..it's kept your depression away up until now, but it sounds like you need a little extra at the moment.
The mood swings is a sign of your depression worsening, it is quite normal to feel like that.
I think you have done the right thing with this guy, it sounds like he was never going to commit in the way you wanted him to.
I used to feel desperately lonely, especially as a single mother with Bipolar, but as soon as I felt up to it, I used to do courses at night school, it restored my self esteem and I loved meeting new people, and the studying kept my mind busy..
I stopped looking for someone and focused on my kids and having fun, it was the best time of my life! I had lots of laughs, lots of proud moments with the kids, and felt young again, following a horrible divorce. That lasted about a year and a friend from the past came along and swept me off my feet! I wasn't looking and I tried to stop it, but it was real and the right time..
It will happen, but you aren't ready yet..focus on you and the rest will follow..also depression makes you feel lonely, worthless and like things will never get better, so maybe if you see the doctor and get some help with that you might see things differently.
I do hope so anyway!

[mrssimps]

Most of the time, you find what you need when you're not looking for it. Easier said than done of course. Before rushing out and trying to find what you think you need right now, focus on being happy by yourself. You can't be happy with someone else until you can be happy on your own otherwise you'll jump from person to person trying to find someone who can fill the loneliness and inevitably, everyone will fail. Its not something you can change over night, but it'll be worth it in the end.

[Mom2four85]

I know what you mean; I don't know why I let things bother me either but my dr says it's due to all my problems...Bi Polar, Depression; Anxiety w/agoraphobia and PTSD.

It's true though you can't be happy with someone unless you're happy with yourself first...how I wish I was the way I were 14 years ago; my emotional problems just went downhill and my poor husband has had to deal with me and my mood swings.

I let silly little things bother me in relationships and online; I get ticked at some of the stupidest stuff then look back later and laugh and say why did I do that? my dr says it's just part of my personality and meds will help that...but I'm still waiting on clearance to take them.

maybe one day I'll feel "normal" and back to my old self...