Feel dumber each day

[Killianman]

I've had a major life changing event two years ago.  I watched my daughter die and lost my job.  Financially, I'm forced to walk away from my home because I can't afford it anymore due to living off equity and cc cards during my daughters illness.
I have been prescribed Welbutrin and another one I can't recall at the moment.  I stopped taking them because they weren't working.  I just stayed in bed all day on the other one.  Is it normal to feel like I'm operating on a 65 IQ?  Just today I was closing a box, and it took me 6 tries.  I was standing there in disbelief that I couldn't close the flaps on the box so they would overlap and stay put.  I have gone through a drive thru and sat there fuming waiting for my order, only to have the person at the window look at the passenger seat and see the food they already gave me.  
I have, from a dead stop at a red light, just taken off and gone through the intersection.  It's like I can't think anymore and I'm really getting worried.
It's affecting my job.  
Just shouting out here, I know your going to say go back and get more pills.
Is this normal depression?

Thx

[xanweaner]

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain, sadness, and heart wrenching misery that losing her has caused. And, to lose your home is another incredible loss. You have a lot on your plate right now.

First off, you can not stop taking this pill cold turkey. You need to work with your
Dr. on a proper tapering schedule. Also, since you're taking a combination, that will make it equally important that you work with your prescribing Dr. on this. VERY IMPORTANT!

As to how you are feeling right now - did this brain dysfunction happen while you were taking both these meds, or is it happening right now, since you've stopped?

I hope that you get the help that you deserve...

[Killianman]

Thanks for your kind words.
I first took Welbutrin for about a month.  The Dr told me to keep upping the dosage.  I thought i was going to lose my mind.  I finally tapered off to nothing.  The next thing they prescribed made me want to sleep all day.  I did that for a day.  I'm living in a world of make believe.  Everybody has thought that everything is OK, but now I'm starting to stumble, making mistakes at work, being flakey, staring off into space etc... I can't keep up appearances anymore.  My typing has become atrocious too.  I used to be pretty good.  Now I have to go back and fix things.  It's all going to hell in a handbasket.
I haven't been on any med's for about 3 months.  I'm not sure what's worse, the brain fade or the depression.
Maybe I should give the Welbutrin another try.  I feel like I'm running out of options.

[ParamedFlorena]

Hi,

May the warmth of the memories of your daughter linger. How horrible it is to loose a child.

It is normal to experience that the attention fades when grief or depression sets in. There are so many who try to figure grief - how long does it take, what is normal to feel, what about the 7 phases. The general knowledge about grief does give some "phases" to expect, but there is no specific grief-manual.

No one can read another being's experiences on the outside. The experiences remain on the inside. One would really think that grief and complicated grief shows on the outside, but what others see, might be that you look exhausted.

I'm sure you're still as good as you once were, but it does sound as if your grief is wanting to be expressed. It is heavy to carry alone.

Do check back,
I hope it is of some help

Florena

[xanweaner]

Florena's post brought an idea to mind, but perhaps you've already been involved in grief support groups, esp. for parents who have lost a child. Maybe you haven't had a chance to get it all out. I don't assume for one second that this is something one ever forgets, but perhaps being around others for the emotional support can be of value to you right now.

I wish I could offer you a solution and could make your brain sharp again...
Wishing you the very best and I hope you feel better soon...
-xan-

[Hensley258]

When my Severe Depression starts to worsen, (usually due to meds pooping out) I also start to feel really dense and stupid. It's like this condition sucks every ounce of sharpness and focus from your mind. When I am bad, my mind is so pre-occupied with how horrible I feel that I become very stupid feeling.

It took me many years to find that my disease (depression) doesn't make me dumb or stupid, it just takes my focus and edge away. My sharpness so to speak, which in turn makes me feel stupid.

Your not stupid at all. That's just how this beast of depression makes us feel. You know controlled studies have been done that actually show that individuals that suffer from severe depressive dissorder are actually above average in terms of intelect? It's true, I kid you not.

Some of the most brilliant minds of all time were themselves victims of cronic depression. I used to think my depression made me less intelligent too, untill I tested myself by taking a certified IQ test in which I scored 135, which is two full levels above average! Not too shabby for a guy with only a high school education.