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Feeling really suicidal
I am not in a good place. I just dont even feel anything right now besides absolute horrible depression. Ive lost touch with society and I just cant find my way back. I feel like theres this circle and thats the world. and im like standing on the outside looking in...and i can see and feel the weight of everyone in the circle...but they cant see or notice or feel me. Ive spent all this time trying to get back into the circle but i cant. I just dont fit in. Thats why im so suicidal...i dont fit right..like i wasnt made for this world. I just want out...this world has got me in jail..im trapped and miserable. theres something wrong with me that just makes people push away from me. no one approaches me, i always have to do the approaching and i feel like im just annoying whenever i talk. I had one friend, my best friend/boyfriend who will not talk to me anymore. He was the only one who listened to me and supported me through this, and even he couldnt handle me anymore so he just left me in the dirt and quickly moved on. But im struggling so much...Im so alone and I just lack any motivation and patience to move on or make good things happen. Im in such a dark place...and i cant carry the weight of this anymore.
Best Answer
hey! please please please dont hurt yourself, we all know how you are feeling right now- that feeling of the circle of darkness and not being able to fit in with the world, i recently had an episode myself where i felt exactly that but it lifted and i PROMISE this to will pass. please if you are able to make it out of your house buy a book called Mind Over Mood, my psychiatrist swears by it and to be honest it has helped me soo much and i think it can help you too! i know the horrible depression the loss of a boyfriend can bring, when my boyfriend of 3 years and i broke up i was exactly how you are, suicidal and depressed to the point where i could not even function, but it passed and yours will too! please seek some help, talk to friends/family, bake!!- it helps i promise, and know that we are all here for you!! :)
Hi There:
So, now I don't feel so alone either. I am exactly where you are...except I do have a boyfriend that listens...and I have 2 children that would basically be considered failures from the outside world....so I feel really isolated. I would not contemplate suicide because I am too afraid to die. However, the thought of not existing has crossed my mind a thousand times in 2010. I don't know about you and your experience with medication. I HATE MEDICATION...I always have some sought of side effect that is intolerable to me. HOWEVER, I am so desperate lately...that I almost went to the emergency room yesterday to get some. I do have an appt. with a psychiatrist on the 26th of Jan and I am willing to go back on something temporarily because IT DOES WORK. I have felt like this before...and I liked when you said...it takes alot to get feeling a little good and then 1 little thing and you SNAP. Absolutely...it is such a desperate feeling..painful feeling....alone feeling. Please know that you are not alone....And if you kill yourself....there will be nothing...but so many people will miss you and be in pain...you could potentially PUSH someone into the type of pain you are feeling now...parents? I was told..how to get myself thru the day...is to find one thing to look forward to for that day....even if it is only what I am going to eat, or what pajamas I feel comfortable in. I have taken medication before which has pulled me out of this dark hole...so I suggest that you try some too. Everything does pass...and when you come out of it..you will scare yourself thinking about how DOWN in the dumps you were. You lost this boyfriend for a reason...you WILL find someone else that is a better fit for you and hopefully someday you will look back on this depressing time in your life and be glad that you pulled yourself thru. The only thing that keeps me hanging on is that I KNOW that this will pass and I will feel better. Try to eat reguarly, sleep regulary and give yourself some credit for the good things you offer to this world.
So, now I don't feel so alone either. I am exactly where you are...except I do have a boyfriend that listens...and I have 2 children that would basically be considered failures from the outside world....so I feel really isolated. I would not contemplate suicide because I am too afraid to die. However, the thought of not existing has crossed my mind a thousand times in 2010. I don't know about you and your experience with medication. I HATE MEDICATION...I always have some sought of side effect that is intolerable to me. HOWEVER, I am so desperate lately...that I almost went to the emergency room yesterday to get some. I do have an appt. with a psychiatrist on the 26th of Jan and I am willing to go back on something temporarily because IT DOES WORK. I have felt like this before...and I liked when you said...it takes alot to get feeling a little good and then 1 little thing and you SNAP. Absolutely...it is such a desperate feeling..painful feeling....alone feeling. Please know that you are not alone....And if you kill yourself....there will be nothing...but so many people will miss you and be in pain...you could potentially PUSH someone into the type of pain you are feeling now...parents? I was told..how to get myself thru the day...is to find one thing to look forward to for that day....even if it is only what I am going to eat, or what pajamas I feel comfortable in. I have taken medication before which has pulled me out of this dark hole...so I suggest that you try some too. Everything does pass...and when you come out of it..you will scare yourself thinking about how DOWN in the dumps you were. You lost this boyfriend for a reason...you WILL find someone else that is a better fit for you and hopefully someday you will look back on this depressing time in your life and be glad that you pulled yourself thru. The only thing that keeps me hanging on is that I KNOW that this will pass and I will feel better. Try to eat reguarly, sleep regulary and give yourself some credit for the good things you offer to this world.
Thanks for your replies..it made me feel a little better. WHen I told my psychiatrist I cut myself and have suicidal thoughts she went right and told my mom who just freaked out at me. I was so mad, and now all i do is lie to her so she doesnt go telling anyone else anything. I get more help and comfort from this site than my psychiatrist.
I just cant see an end. Maybe this low feeling wont last forever, but the second i start to feel happy this feeling comes back in an instant. I feel like I work soo hard just to feel a little bit happy, but it takes literally one second for me to snap and feel depressed and suicidal.
Andrewm88: I'll look into buying that book. I think I've come across that once when I was looking for a book to help with anxiety.
I just cant see an end. Maybe this low feeling wont last forever, but the second i start to feel happy this feeling comes back in an instant. I feel like I work soo hard just to feel a little bit happy, but it takes literally one second for me to snap and feel depressed and suicidal.
Andrewm88: I'll look into buying that book. I think I've come across that once when I was looking for a book to help with anxiety.
i agree i used to write on here before i attempted killing myself and hoped someone would just stop me or tell me how to cope. if their wasn't a part of u that didn't want things to end this way u wouldn't have posted so get the help you need. do this one thing for yourself!!!
hey
i know how you feel, ok... i know thats hard to believe but its true and as much as it sounds anoying me saying this ... it will not be like this for ever it took me a year of failed suicide attempts to realise death isn't what i wanted i just wanted to escape i wanted everything to go away and leave me alone.... but at the same time as wanting to be on your own it makes things worse.
i promise you'll not always be lonely and no one has to go through ****** depresoin alone even if its someone in a different country emailing you the one thing this site should show you is you are normal... sad but normal just like everyone else and very much a part of it all.
don't try and kill yourself it doesn't work... its not an escape that works.
i know how you feel, ok... i know thats hard to believe but its true and as much as it sounds anoying me saying this ... it will not be like this for ever it took me a year of failed suicide attempts to realise death isn't what i wanted i just wanted to escape i wanted everything to go away and leave me alone.... but at the same time as wanting to be on your own it makes things worse.
i promise you'll not always be lonely and no one has to go through ****** depresoin alone even if its someone in a different country emailing you the one thing this site should show you is you are normal... sad but normal just like everyone else and very much a part of it all.
don't try and kill yourself it doesn't work... its not an escape that works.
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