How do the depressed view others who aren't?

Hi all. I am a wife of 21 years of a husband who fights clinical depression. He has tried multiple approaches to manage it, -especially the anger aspect which has caused endless problems in our marriage. Recently, we had a conversation which was disturbing to me. He states that he sees people in two groups -the seretonin "Haves" and the seretonin "Have nots". He said the seretonin "have nots" (the clinically depressed) live their lives at a black and white baseline -a baseline that has little joy or love, that "sees" reality in its harshest/unbuffered form,  and that views the seretonin "haves" as a pitiful head-in-the-sand group that is out-of-touch with reality.

He resents that the clinically depressed are labeled as defective and must be "artificially enhanced" with SSRI drugs to "conform" to society's norms rather than his own.

I am a positive and optimistic person, but the battle against his "joy sucking" is exhausting. More and more I wonder how much longer I will be able to fight it until I give up and leave him just so I can have some peace and enjoyment in my life before I am too old to do so. It seems as he's getting older his stability is becoming weaker (or is it my tolerance?) and that he only sees our relationship as a tool to get sex for a brief seretonin boost. (His own words.)  
Are these views just the harsh realities of living with depression, or is this unique to him?

[vanillacandles]

Hi Medicmommy,

Well I have gone through depression at several points in my life, and I have never viewed people that do not have depression as being out-of-touch with reality. They may not have experienced some of the traumatic events as we have, or have better coping mechanisms than we have. So for that part, I would say it's his own view, and not everyone's.

We all view the world differently, and unfortunately some feel that we have to conform to the "norm" or else we will be viewed as crazy, insane, etc.

I think he's being very harsh with what he is saying to you. How upsetting is it to hear that he's only using you to boost his serotonin? I'm sorry he has said this to you. As people get older, their moods alter regardless, so I would think that it is a bit of both of what you mentioned. It sounds like some of the things he says are a bit abusive, and I think you need to see a counselor as soon as possible to work things out. You do not want to live your entire life feeling like he is draining all energy out of you (n my opinion). It is good that you are expressing yourself on here, and I hope this has helped a bit.

[mammo]

I agree with the above post and feel your husband is resentful of many things.  He's dragging you down with him and this is not fair to you.  I think a loving caring spouse would be grateful for one who has been so understanding of all he has endured.  His viewpoints are off center, is angry of his position in life which is very immature.  He should be grateful that there is help for him to live a normal life which is not conforming to anything, it's just getting him to a better place.  None of this appears to be working and you are the target of his anger and resentment.  He needs intense therapy and this can be a lengthy process.  If you want your marriage to work I would insist upon couple's therapy...if not, it's time to think of YOU and what you want out of life.  None of this is fair to you and it appears it's only getting worse.  I wish you all the best in whatever you choose to do and take care of YOU.

[medicmommy]

Thanks you all for your support and much-needed feedback. I have stayed with him because I really do care and love him. He has been through extensive counseling and he has been trying to manage his depression. I have also began to go (by myself) to protect my own sanity. It helps, but it does not fix the problem nor does it prevent him from having his rages. He refuses to go to marriage counseling because he fears I will turn the counselor against him. -I just want peace and happiness in my life. I'm not interested in keeping score or recounting old hurts and I'm so very tired of walking on eggshells around him...But I have a 12 year old daughter to think of as well, and the fear that if I did leave, he'd do something horrible to us or himself. For now, it is safer to stay...