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How to get over this feeling of worthlessness?

I've been bullied and left out by everyone else since I was a little kid. I've always struggled with social anxiety disorder and I find it hard to connect with anyone because I'm afraid to even look people in the eyes. Some time ago I hurt my only close friends' feelings on purpose and also started cyberbullying people because I couldn't find other way to deal with my emotional issues. I know I don't have any excuse for such behavior. I also know I'm a horrible person because of what I've done and I don't deserve to live anymore. I feel bad for anyone who's struggling with any kind of disorder because I know I deserve to be suffering, not them. I deserve to be fighting with cancer, not some poor person who hasn't done anything wrong. I deserve to be cutting myself or fight eating disorders. I feel worthless, I feel like I don't have any reason to live, I feel I don't deserve to be healthy or happy. This hatred I have for myself it's dragging me down every day and I can't get over it
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Avatar universal
I know what social anxiety is like because i'm still suffring with it you feel worthless and that you deserve bad things in fact it's a normal sensation of being lonely you don't connect with people anymore you don't do fun things which makes you happy you don't even try to love yourself for once start first by forgiving yourself and remember that you are important and unique the world need you second get a job or something to do which makes you in contact with other people trust me you will learn that life is worth living and  that you deserve good things i hope you can do it :)
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Avatar universal
Yeah...public schools are the worst! I would never send my children to them...EVER! Although I went to one, I have been scarred ever since. Not by bullying but by a tragic event when I was 12. I fainted in the hallway after watching a child birth video and haven't been the same since. They actually were evil enough to show a gross childbirth video to a 12 year old!! That's public schools for you! Punctured my eardrum and broke my jaw from the fall. Just now, after 20 years, I'm beginning to feel somewhat healed of all of these problems. The point is, your bullying never would have happened in a private school or home school environment. One good thing is that, thanks to liberals, bullying is far less severe than it was twenty years ago! They are now making anti-bullying laws.
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Avatar universal
feeling worthless is one, if not the worst. so if you deserve anything bad, I think you already got it 10fold. clean the kitchen, plant a garden, it gives you purpose plus satisfaction even if it sounds dumb
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Avatar universal
Hi Every!  Oh dear one, you have been treated so unfairly!  All that bullying has made you feel so sad, has ruined your self-image, and has caused all these worthless feelings.  But you are in luck!  This is known as depression and there are very good treatments for it!

Your guidance counselor at school can give you an excuse paper, and you can ask your family doc for a referral to a psychiatrist group, OR you can go to the County Department of Health downtown as a walk-in and usually see a psychiatrist that same day.  I take Zoloft, a mild antidepressant, and you will also need to have some psychologist counseling a couple times a week.  She or he can give you tips on how to handle your emotions, tips on how to get past all that awful stuff.  In three weeks, you will feel like a new person!  And those docs can give you an excuse paper for your visits.

While you are setting all this up, let me suggest something you can practice.  First, realize bullying is more about the weak feelings of the person doing it, NOT YOU.  It makes them feel more powerful at your expense.  Oh, I just hate public schools.  Second, please think of three things at home that you really love, like your room or something in it, like a pet or a parent or sibling, or maybe a pretty view in town or a good movie you like.  A few times a day, think of the three things you have picked, and you will immediately feel love all around you, to protect you.

Also, you should consider expanding your activities to learn new and creative things, like an art class or learn to play guitar or take a self-defense course or go to a dance class and learn... the tango!  Also, gardening is very easy to do in your own yard or even on a porch in pots.  You just need good dirt, some seeds or small plants and water daily.  And when you go to the library, look in the nonfiction section, every subject you can think of is in there, including pictures books on horses, types of jobs out there and how to get the education for them.  

And when you begin to feel better, arrange to have an easy-going haircut and styling!  Another time buy something for spare time like some new jeans and a new blouse and an inexpensive necklace.  These are like rewards for yourself.  And please post back to us how you do, what happens, and so forth.  Myself and anyone else who reads this will want to know how you are doing!  Best wishes, GG
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