I am an adult only child in my mid 30s. I grew up in a close family. 1 yr ago my father was taking into residential care with dementia. Today I am at my mother's bedside 4days into her terminal coma that resulted from a massive stroke on Friday.
Although I have a network of friends, they are settling down and I have periods of loneliness - but these were always limited by my relationship with my mother. She is/was my best friend as well as my mum, we spoke briefly on the phone every day, visited her for every other weekend and recently went on holiday with her.
On top of that I have episodes of depression which always revolve around 'of life is pointless why do anything' - and the futility of actions.
Clearly, I am heading soon into a terrible period of bereavement (which I fear my current consuming sadness is only a 'phony war'). I have been anticipating and expecting my parents' death since I was an infant (they were in their early 40s) but I had always expected it would happen in later life and that 1 would be able to lean on one to share the shock of the passing of the other. Now I have to witness the death of the most wonderful person in my world, arrange all the rituals that are coming and explain to a father who can't recognise me that his wife who he forgotten has died.
I know that bereavement is a natural necessary process and the 5 key elements. But I think this whole scenario will tip me into long term depression, despair and rekindle my nihilist tendencies. I also know that my mum would want me to be going out and enjoying the years I have left rather than spending the rest of my life mourning her.
Any tips for coping strategies would be enormously welcome
Hello Richard, I lost my mother last April and it was very hard for me because I to was alone as far as sibling. My only brother passed in 2003. I was very close to my mom she was on dialysis for years before she suffered a stoke which also put her in a coma she eventually came out of. She had Alzheimers and dementia also so I was no longer able to have a normal conversation with her toward the end. I don't know if this helps but toward the end when she wasn't able to really speak anymore and the little words she mumbled never ever made any sense (due to the alzheimers and dimentia (dementia)) she told me to let her go that she was suffering. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is never easy but from reading your entry it sounds like your mum might be in a better place when she is gone and trust me when I say that if you put that in your head it will make you feel a tiny bit better knowing that she is no longer suffering. Sorry I'm not the best at expressing myself or the best writer but I hope it helps.. You will be ok :-)
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