Hurt and Sadness

[ettebette]

Why is it that the people you love most in the world are often the ones that hurt you the most?  If you can identify with this, a word of advice: never allow ANYONE affect you to the degree that you feel your very soul is shattered.  Life is too short to allow a deep sadness to have power over you.

[mammo]

That's the million dollar question!  I think everyone can relate to what you are going thru right now, and all have experience with this.  We may not know why, but we do learn from it.  Life is too short, and as painful as it may be, you've got to move on as a wiser, stronger person.  You are giving good advice, don't give away your power, stay in control of YOUR feelings how you will allow someone to make you feel, as only you can decide what kind of day you will have.  

[whodunnit]

Hi,

I know what you mean. Most of my hurt has come from pretty much that area too.

I recall when my marriage broke up and I had lost access to my 2 children, my best friend (Ex wife) etc, home, pets and posssssions. I had no idea it was coming, no danger signs and I was inter State when she decided. Leaving me with nothing at all except my job. I wanted to die.

I got through that eventually and back at work during that period I made a lot of friends and we went out a lot. I wasn't specifically looking for a partner but that is what developed, within about 6 months.

This now is the point of that little tale. This young lady I had worked with for years one day said to me "How on earth can you go into another relationship after what happened?"

I was quite stunned by her question and my response was "P, I could never not be prepared to have a partner. It is one of the most exciting times in a life and to do anything but be open to them is really to say "I'm dead".".

She didn't understand and remains today having not ever had a relationship. I see that as much sadder than what I went through.

So, Ette, I say if we can't be open and ready to love then why bother with anything. Don't let the hurt turn you away from what may come as the best part of your life could start with a new person. And I can't agree on maintaining control as, to me, that's not a relationship, that's a contract.

Don't let the bad people take away your life and choices Ette.

[iam1butterfly]

... one day someone will walk into your life
and make you see why it never worked out
with anyone else...

[mammo]

iam1butterfly said it perfectly, and is correct.  This is when we learn that everything happens for a reason..

[mammo]

I posted earlier on here and whodunnit doesn't understand what I said about being in control of your feelings, I'm sure you do, but I'll explain.  Your heart is broken and it hurts, but now you have to move on.  Staying in control of your feelings DOES NOT mean taking control, I'm talking about life in general.  For example we will say "because of so and so, I'm in a bad mood."  When in reality we allowed this person to cause us to have a bad day, because it is us who decides how we will feel. The pain from a break-up is real, and disappointing and you will be okay.  You will and should love again someday, don't allow this to give you a bitter heart.

[ettebette]

Thank you for your kind words and support.  The person I was referring to I've known for a year.  We met on Medhelp, actually.  He, for the most part, as been a loving and caring friend.  What is the most unpleasant and baffling part of this is the not knowing why he's stopped corresponding.  I've tried to contact him, but I haven't gotten any response.  I have been very loving and supportive of him.  This is all so sad.  I have no idea what could have happened.  I feel used.  I can't call him because he hasn't given me his phone number.  There is nothing else I can do but wait and see if he contacts me at some point through e-mail.  Again, thanks for your kind words and support.  Have a great week!

Ellen

[mammo]

If he still cares, with time he will miss you, and this is when you will hear from him.  If you don't...well it's his loss.  You sound like you were totally blind sided by his actions, so give him space and time and he may just realize what he's lost.  I know you feel used, and it hurts, but you were a kind, loving person and deserve someone who is the same.  If it's meant to be, you will hear from him again.  It was rude of him to just stop corresponding without telling you why, you deserve to know why.  But if this is how he handles things, you truly don't need this kind of person in your life.  Don't lower your standards for anyone, you deserve to be happy.  Hang in there, it will get better.
Take care.....

[ettebette]

Hi.  Thank you for taking the time to become involved in my tale of woe.  You are a very kind, caring person, who seems to understand what I am going through.  This man runs hot and cold, and I never know where I stand with him.  The only thing consistent about him is his inconsistency.  I really care for him and about him.  He once said he will always have a space for me in his heart, that we are forever friends.  I wonder if thia last year of wonderful friendship, kindred spirit relationship was all a mirage.  I hope not.  Again, thanks for caring.

Ellen

[whodunnit]

Hi,

Your last posts make it clearer what your relationship was/is.

You met here on Medhelp? And have been emailing since, for a year? No personal or even phone contact?

I too have had a number of email friendships through depression forums. Often people start out trying to help each other but, because both have depression really, something is written that causes grief for the other and it becomes too difficult to continue. Or it becomes roo personal for one of the people and causes them to back away.

Or, simply, the other person has had a change in circumstances. May have fallen ill, lost financial control and so on of their life. Could have lost their email data through a PC problem. Anything is possible. Maybe had treatment and lost memory?

It isn't always about us Ette, it could quite easily simply be something that has happened to him rather than an intentional snubbing. Don't forget too that depression is an unforgiving illness and sometimes it just takes the interest leaving us inert.

[ettebette]

I suggested to this person that he purchase a phone card to call me since a phone card is untraceable.  He can call me on my home phone or cell phone without a problem at my end.  He and I were kindred spirits, and connected on so many levels.  We were/are wonderful friends.  That's what so perplexing.  He runs hot and cold.  Since I can't call HIM, I'm virtually helpless in this situation, and I don't like feeling that way.  I'm concerned about him, and care for him deeply.  I don't know what else to do but wait and see if I hear from him.

Thank you for your kind words and interest in my life and feelings.  Hope your weekend is a good one.

Blessings and many magical moments,

Ellen