I always seem to feel alone

[SwedishBeck]

I am a 19 year old male, and i believe i have Bipolar depression. A lot of the time i will have great confidence in myself and be the happiest person in the world I'm very active, love action extreme sports that involve danger and high physical demands.Then Out of nowhere i will get horrible, horrible feelings of sadness and suicidal thoughts. And it happens months at a time, the girlfriend that i love very much will try and help me but it doesn't help in the least, and i don't have any parents to help me in my life, only my older brother who alot of the time ignores my feelings or looks past them. I pretend i am ok, and keep everything to myself. then i will begin drinking hard alcohol heavily, everyday, and physically hurting myself. I feel like I'm on my own. I only have a girlfriend around that really loves me and i rarely see her now because i moved away from her. Nothing i do  gets me out of the emotional pain i'm in. i just want to feel comfortable around someone and be able to talk about how i feel. i guess this website is the best option i have

[Mrs_Phelps182]

I am really sorry to hear you feel that way. I will tell you a little about myself so you can see I know where you are coming from. I am 23 years old and I was diagnosed Bipolar when I was 13. When I was in a state on mania, well the best was to describe it was It was my way or the highway! I ran away, refused to go to school, did drugs, made a lot of wrong choices. On the other hand though I would get really depressed. I have had my stomach pumped once and unwillingly been committed twice and once by my choice. I know how it feels, to feel that low. I dont want you to think that's just how things have to be though. Once you learn how maintain it, its a lot easier. Only a Doctor can confirm you are bipolar though.  There is a lot of great medication out there. Unfortunately not everybody reacts to the same meds as others do so it is a trail and error. The most powering tool that you can have is being able to recognize when you don't feel right. So for me thats like when I feel like I just dont want to go on anymore, lifes not worth it. I have to STOP myself and think, does life really suck that bad? Or am I just feeling depressed. I remind myself thats just the mood I am in right now, thats not how life really is. Another thing, I find people will emotional problems such as bipolar that we are a lot like 2 year olds. If we dont get enough sleep, if we dont eat some nutritional food, if you eat to much candy (Energy drinks for us grown up), all these things will affect us greatly!!!! Have you ever heard what goes up must come down? Well when your bipolar you go WAY up and come WAY down. I know drinking might seem like a good way not to feel the pain, but its just a downer. If you are already depressed why would you want to be more depressed? Trust me bipolar and alcohol just shouldn't mix.  If you ever get really low and feel like you need help right away, get yourself to a hospital. They can get you into great places that you will be safe, and there people there to talk to your problems about! Since you are the one committing yourself, you can check out whenever you want to. There is always the suicide hotline to,1-800-273-8255. The best thing you can do for yourself though is see a doctor.

[remar]

Welcome to Medhelp! This is a great site with lots of great people to talk to. I wish I could give you a diagnosis but I am not a Dr. It does to me like you may be having some bi-polar episodes, but I can't say for sure. Is there any way you can see a Psychiatrist? That is your best option for getting a diagnosis and treatment.