I have depression/anxiety. I think this is related to what im about to say...I am such a horrible, manipulative, degrading person. I have a boyfriend who thinks the world of me. He is always here to help me and is ALWAYS encouraging me. yet i am just AWFUL to him. I yell and scream at him for nothing...i am horribly manipulative in that i threaten to kill myself and cut myself all the time (i have a history of cutting). I think it may be related to the fact my parents are awful to eachother...they fight constantly over nothing and are very degrading to eachother. But i see that and HATE IT. Its like a thing in me just snaps and i lash out and say these horrible things. I tell him my ex boyfriend is better, i tell him i hate him, i tell him he ***** for having a good life, that i will cut myself when he goes out with his friends...and in reality...i dont really care about that. I know in my head im just screaming lies at him, but i cant stop myself. I am such a horrible person...I think im so evil. I even made him stop talking to one of his best friends (who he used to be in love with) but they are only friends now. What can i do to change...i absolutely hate who i am...i keep trying to break up with him because i know what i do and i hate hurting him, but im not strong enough and im too selfish and i always take him back when he begs me. What is wrong with me...
therese83-I am an adult. Do you have any experience in life? Obviosuly due to mental disease I cannot always control my actions, which you would know about if you had any experience in life. I can't just "get a grip" when there are chemicals messed up in my brain. Don't respond if you have nothing nice to say because putting down a suicidal person really isn't a good idea.
Anneinside & LoveMe2011...thanks for your input...I have looked into those disorders and am planning on talking to my therapist about it.
Your post makes me feel so sad for you and the person who posted such an unkind comment is not a very sympathetic person.
I'm sure you do not want to be feeling and acting this way, your boyfriend seems like a really nice person and he obviously loves you very much to be putting up with the way you treat him.
Try and tell youself that you are a good person think of all the good quality's that you have and the very best of luck to you x
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