I have Major Depressive Disorder. And I've been unofficially depressed since I was 13; officially diagnosed a year ago...
With no more introduction, I have a question. Something that triggers panic responses within me, is that some nights I can hear my heart beating and it makes the sound of marching and then it harmonizes with my breathing and swallowing. One would think that my organs are trying to make a terrifying melody, but in all honesty, I think my body just hates me and would like me to go completely mad. And if I hear anything from outside my body, like a clock chiming or tapping from anywhere, it echoes.
Now my question is, is there anyone else out there that get's this way and if so, how do you cope with it? It's really annoying, it makes me paranoid, and then I get crazy irritable because people don't understand why I don't want to hear their ducking cuckoo clocks and / or wind chimes.
And, when I'm on the subject of hearing organs... I'm very hyperaware that they are there at all times. I can feel them move inside me and all that junk. (And this isn't just limited to my heart and lungs... this goes for my diaphragm, stomach... blah blah blah....) SO, I guess my question applies to this general awareness that they are there 24/7... and always moving and twitching and stuffs... o.O
It's not uncommon when you have anxiety to be super aware of everything that goes on with your body. Noises can also make us upset and even more anxious. I can't sleep without the TV on because I hate hearing my heartbeat.
You have been diagnosed with depression. What about anxiety? And are you in therapy and or taking any meds?
I wasn't told anything about anxiety... opposite actually. I've got anger issues and they spark whenever I get really agitated at hearing my insides. (And I have to laugh at this because it sounds so morbidly casual...)
I used to be on meds, but those didn't help with anything except for my depression and sleeping issues. I'm not in therapy (cause you know, psychology business must be booming because my mom and I had been making phonecalls and no one returned our voicemails... ugh)
So yeah, there are people out there that get this way too?
^But I have a problem with that though. I won't be doing anything at all and it just pops up in my head that I'm listening to my heart beat and it isn't until I realize how quiet it is that it starts freaking me out. So it's like, do I pass it off as anxiety? And if that's the case, then what the hell am I anxious about? Cause all day, I'm fine. I hear everything but I'm okay. But its only at night when it bothers me. I'll be trying to sleep and then the thrumming scares the hell out of me and then everything else agitates me. And if I get out of bed and leave my room it gets dark and all I can hear is my heart, lungs, stomach, and bone movements and it makes me paranoid. Like, is that normal for depressive people? Cause I feel freaking crazy.
I had posted up this (with slightly different words) in the General Health forum and someone had suggested it is Auditory Processing Disorder and I looked that up and yeah, that comes pretty much closely to it. Thank you though and thank you remar
I honestly don't know yet. I'm still searching it. But yeah, I figured I'd post it up in two areas because sometimes not everything is linked to depression. (But that alone is a depressing fact lol) But yeah, thank you so much for your help though. C= If I find anything else out, I'll be sure to do an update somehow XD
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