I have always suffered depression, but it normally didn't affect my everyday life too much. However I have a history of getting extremely stressed out over situations that most could brush off, I literally get to a point where I don't answer my phone, don't get out of bed, lay in the dark, make erratic irrational decisions, etc.
I got hooked on pain meds 2 years ago and went to a rehab back in Feb but now its like I can't handle life anymore, I stress out 100x's more than I did before. I had to quit my job because my anxiety was so high, perfect example of erratic irrational decision making, but I thought it was just because my brain needed time to heal from abusing the pain meds and I didn't want the stress of my job to cause me to relapse. However I have always had this history of overanalyzing things in my life and letting myself become very self loathing and self destructive, but usually overtime I would eventually just get over what was bothering me, but I seem to just be getting worse now. I tend to make the situation worse by overreacting and just thinking about it over and over in my head. Now that I am having to face reality without self-medicating it just overwhelms me so much more and I can't seem to climb out of this dark hole I have buried myself in, I am having to face mistakes I made while being on the pain meds and just can't move forward.
I went to the doctor and am on 25mg of lexapro but I feel like my brain won't let me be happy or even content anymore. I force myself into the gym to try and lift my mood but it takes all the motivation I can even muster to do that. I haven't even looked for another job because I feel so mentally unstable and I work in a field that requires a lot of clarity and mental focus. I just don't know what is wrong with me, I just can't seem to think positive and do things to help improve my situation, instead I just lay in bed and don't talk to anyone until it hopefully just goes away on its own. Just an example of how I would stress myself out, I once had buyers remorse the next day after buying a new car and I just started going over all these scenarios of why I shouldn't of spent the money. I literally called the dealership like 4 times the next day trying to return it. It wasn't even that big of a deal but I couldn't focus on work and even missed a day because I couldn't get it off my mind, I completely flipped out. This went on for over a month until it eventually just subsided. All my friends and family thought something else was going on because of how stressed I was, they thought it had to be something other than just having regret over buying a car. That is just an example of how I get. Is it a certain mental disorder, anyone else experience these "episodes"?