I don't want to live anymore

[LAIBA151]

I don't know why i am writing here again, i know you all fed up of me and thinking that whats wrong with this girl? But i even don't know whats wrong with me.
I am crying at this moment and just writing,maybe this give me some peace. I am so tired of everything that nothing can please me anymore. I think death is only solution. I do not belong in this world maybe i am mistakely born here. My life has no use. I cannot give happiness to anyone even my mom. My dad doesnot care about me, he only wants that i get higher education and job so that he tell others that how his daughter is so good but he doesnot know what i feel? and dont even care about it.
I am fed up. Tomorrow is my important paper and i have zero prepartion and i am thinking how possibly i could die....

[Anonymous2468]

Think about your family my uncle had depression and I say had because he ended his life to its not the solution this happened nearly a year ago and I still don't like to think about it

[4Maddie44]

Punishment?  What are you talking about?  How can being ill be a punishment?  What are you being punished for.  Who is punishing you?  

Of course you will feel better, you won't always feel as you do now.  Why won't you listen to us?  It is not your fault you are ill.  There is a life out there for you.  Take the pills, see a doctor, talk to your parents and friends about how you feel.  There are lovely people in the world, like those here who listen to you and write to you.  

I know it is hard.  I have been as deep as I can go.  I have taken an overdose.  I have been in a psychiatric hospital, and I have had numerous very bad depressive episodes.  I am here trying to help you through this.  Nursegirl has had a very hard life, and she is trying to help you.

Cheer us up please.  Tell us you are listening to us and we help.

[nursegirl6572]

Amazing post.  Very wise words.

It's the negative self talk that leaves people trapped in a dark place, as you've so eloquently explained.  Getting out of that hole requires some work.  We just want to wake up and "feel better".

It's SO frustrating sometimes to give advice over and over to someone suffering,only to have them return, make no mention of your words, and just continue the negativity and more despair.  Sometimes it feels as though people just don't try.

And, OP, I am NOT at all speaking about you, just in general.

I hope everyone reads your post and gets something out of it!  I know it inspired me~!

[Dolphinleiker]

It one point I felt the same way but I don't think about killing myself i prefer physical pain i burn myself, although i'm not condoning it. At the beginning of the year my problems came to a head and forced me to get help and I did. I decided to admit myself to the hospital. I was on the verge of a complete breakdown. Thank God I had my family's support, well most of their support. So hun if you feel like this I highly suggest to get some help it can't hurt to try. I did and now I'm on the right meds and I see a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist and im doing so much better.I hope this helps. People care honey don't think they don't cause they do.

[LAIBA151]

Well i always thank everybody who reply me maddie,i know they spent their precious time to answer my annoying questions. I always read them and try to act upon them.
Actually these feelings that i sharing with u people,i had never tell anybody about them, i always pretend to b happy and listen to others but inside i am so sad thats why  maybe i get over reacted.
I know everybody there are struggling with depression and trying to get rid of it. I am also want to get rid of it, i know its only me who can do it but whenever i think that i should b positive and face life with confidence,something happens and this wall of positivity fell down.
But now i am thinking that it is punishment for me and i get never get rid of it. Today i am again so depressed and crying cutting as my final paper not gone so well,but what i'll do? I think its just me and my life forever with this.
Okay again thanks everybody. Bye  

[4Maddie44]

What inspiring words you have sent to Laiba.  Bless you, and the fact that gratitude is so welcome.  I think you are such a wise person.  I really enjoyed reading your post, and it quite brought tears to my eyes, because so many people do not think as you do.

I do hope many others read it, and understand they are among friends, who understand how they feel. I can't thank you enough for sayging so many things I feel myself.  Rainlover and I were saying some people should be more grateful for the kind words people send them.  You are a gem and very inspiring.  Keep up posting here, as you are a breath of fresh air.  Yes we all like a moan, but we need to thank others for trying to help us through the black times.

Take care

[Paublo]

I always come back to the forumns It is beneficial to me to read what others are going through...Nothing kills depression in its rat hole like Gratitude...We depressed people have a tendency to keep going done the same rat/rabbitt hole expecting to come up with a different answere...We need to see the truth if you...we are so prone to add a heaping pile of ill thoughts in to our psychy...we need to quit with the self hate...all the forum are full of millions of people suffering the same thing as everyone else...when  you read the forumns we always see and read the same thing over and over... My this... I that...They that etc...how about a dose of Gratitude...
We expect an answere for our complex problems and simple answeres are not there...this Process of coping is learned over time with many answeres...Overtime we learn about ourselves...When we are lost and cant see away out we make things worse...we must avail ourselves to info and expose our eyes and ears, get on the net read what others have learned,  take in little pieces of wisdom, Take those little pieaces of wisdom that together will help us have clarity and calmneothers havess...When were children we learned the many skills to ride a bike with training wheels after awhile we wanted to take the training wheels off...we expected to jump on that bike and instant success it dosent work that way we needed to learn the knew skills those skills take practice about a day later we were off training wheels
Our mental capacity must be expanded to cope with the "stress du rigor" stress of the day...Get to the library...Go to campus support...practice deap breathing...YOGA is amazing...exersize, turn off the damn tv... VOLUNTEER for anything! get bright daylite early in the day...walk...ride your bike...remember when we were young and care free then remember to practice being young and care free...
Every morning we should say "Today i will not allow my crazy mind to run me in the ground" sure everyday has stress expect to have some stress...your mind is a powerhouse take your power back add calmness think things through and dont react hold back the urge to try to fix things with quick answeres...allow for quite moments it is in the quite we hear the real answeres that will bring calm to our lives...,Peace and above all Gratitude

[4Maddie44]

Oh my dear, you are so negative about everything.  Do you really want to stop living?  Can you see no future for yourself?  

Why do you hate yourself so much?  Why do you go on about how life is so awful for you, you are a loser, crazy etc.  Please do try to see beyond the present.

Depression certainly makes us negative, and yolu must remember it is the illness talking.  You are not feeling yourself.  When you get help and medication that suits you, you will find things are so much better.

You are young, and you are clever.  Many people would envy you that you have come so far with your education.  Can you not try to be just ba little bit more positive.  Negative thoughts are so damaging.

I understand why you have to write here, and we are listening, but I want you to listen to us.  People have put such nice things here.  Nursegirl and Rainlover and Remar are such kind and understanding people.  Are you taking in what they are saying to you at all?  Do you read what we are telling you to do, and dismissing it?  

[LAIBA151]

Thanks all 4 support.
I know my parents are thinking about my future but i don't know why i am tired of studies? I am giving exams of 2nd semester and after that my thesis has been started so i can't change my subjects now,there is just no escape.
I am little,when my parents were separeted,manily its my father fault,he truly is my ideal but after that i started to hate him. I become so depressed when i saw other complete and happy families. Now i am 22,and i only saw my mom struggling and working although she is very sick and i wanted to support her but i have no power for this, i am really at level of craziness,i cry all time ,have no self confidence,no friends than how can i stand for myself??
My dad only came few times to meet me and phone call me,like strangers just to order me to this and that, never ask what u feel?  I think i am done of life and i am not like other girls who laugh all time enjoy life and satisfied.
i never become like that which my mom wants for me. My mom is everything for me,she give up everything just for me and i want to do something for her but don't know how???  
I am nothing just a loser...

[remar]

It's true that your parents only want the best for you. But, they need to understand what kind of stress you're under. I wanted my daughter to go to college too. She is also an only child. She has two degrees now and I am so proud of her. School and work were starting to really stress her out so I suggested that she take a semester off, which she did. It helped her regroup and the next semester she was ready to go back more refreshed. Would your parents be willing to let you do something like that?

[nursegirl6572]

For one, don't ever think we don't want to hear from you, or that we think you're crazy.  Do you realize that you're among people who TRULY know what you're going through? You're definitely not alone!!

Okay, let's get down to the nitty gritty here.  I think you're being a little hard on your folks.  They only want the best for you, and them pushing you to be successful in life is actually a good thing.  Parents who don't care and who don't give their kids any guidance end up with kids with no self esteem, and no direction in life.  School is important, it really is.  That's not to say you should pursue a career you are not interested in and wouldn't really love.  That makes all the difference in the world, to find something you find rewarding, a job you will look forward to going to every day.  I mean, you have the rest of your life to go to work, so you definitely want to choose a career path that you are interested in.  That's not to say you won't have bad days at work, or days you don't want to go to work, but it will make those kinds of days much less frequent than if you chose a career you didn't have any interest in.

I think you need to have a heart to heart with your parents.  You say that they don't know how you're feeling.  Have you tried to tell them?  You need to tell them that you would be interested in looking into career paths that you would thrive in, that you understand the value of success, but that happiness and contentment is also very important.  Life is rough as it is, without going through it feeling like a robot, doing the same thing day and day out, without getting any pleasure our fulfillment out of it.  To just go to a job with the intentions of collecting a paycheck gets old real fast.

Lastly, have you sought professional help for the way you feel?  If not, I strongly suggest that you do so.  If you're 18+, you won't need your parent's permission, but it still would be nice to include that as part of your conversation with them.  I'm willing to bet they would be devastated to hear that you feel so hopeless that you are thinking about death.  Clinical depression (if you have it) is not something that typically goes away or gets better on its own, without professional intervention.  You don't have to suffer needlessly.  Start with an appt with your doctor, tell him/her what is going on and how you feel, then ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, who can properly assess and diagnose you, then offer treatment options.  Suicide is not the answer.  I know you feel hopeless, but you continuing to reach out here tells me you still have fight in you.  That's a good thing.

Please sit down soon with your parents, so you can start making some changes in your scholastic courses.  You will feel better too, once you start succeding in school, not because you feel you HAVE to, but because you WANT to.  You will also find school a lot more tolerable if you choose a major that interests you.  Schoolwork will actually become easier.  When a person has a TRUE interest in a subject, they tend to thrive in that subject.

Very best of luck to you....we're always here for you, don't ever feel badly for posting here.  This is a great place to get support, and ideas.  Please be sure to keep us updated.

[RainLover71]

You need to make a stand,you will never get out of this nightmare unless you stand up for yourself and get out of this depressive state,things only change if you do something about them.

[LAIBA151]

Thanks 4 reply.
I think my all life is just so stressful that i can't see factors in which i can be happy. I am in university just because of my parents wish i am studying, actually i am fed up of studies. I am bright student but now i think i am hardly get good marks.
I am doing job (which i hate) too and these double work is going into my nerves.
My mother has really high expectations from me because i am single child and my dad left us,but i don't know what to do to fulfill them.  
I don't know what are the things which can make me happy, i even don't know what i am good at?  I cry all the time even now  my mom thinks that i am a self centered person, I think i am going to be crazy, my head is just feeling so much pressure and pain. Everyone gets tired of me and my feelings and thinks that i only care about me and no one else...
I also cut my wrists sometimes but no these are not becoming my way to death.I just want to die and end this misery of me forever...

[theattitudedoc]

Why to worry? Death is not only solution. Always think in positive way. Develop positive attitude. Be Happy...  

[remar]

We do care about you. I'm glad you wrote here.
It sounds like you're putting alot of pressure on yourself to please your family. That is mot what life is about, pleasing other people. You have to do what makes you happy because this is your life.
I don't think you want to die. I think you want all of this pressure and unhappiness to stop.
I think we may have talked before and I recommended you seeing your school counselor. Would that be a possibility, for you to talk to him/her?