I dunno how much more i can take this... :(

I cant accept myself, im so freaking ugly, women these days just wont go for me... I feel i'll be alone for ever...Everyone hates me, i cant take much more of this ****. Why is it god made me this unattractive?? Im in tears right now... I wish i had good looks.... I guess... catching hiv is my only option.... im just too sad and lonley.. no one cares about me...

[iam1butterfly]

I see your picture, here... and I don't understand why you think that you're ugly.
Did someone tell you that you're ugly?

[shyguy1080]

Thanks for getting back to me.. I really apprciate it. Well i feel ugly for many types of reasons. Im on a dating website, i message alot of women and never get any responses and when ever im around women  at parties, work whatever, they never show any interest in me... so i just assume im ugly. I just dont get what it takes to attract women. I even try to make eye contact, but that dosent work...Im starting to wonder if im just a lost cause and i should just change my life by getting hiv... At least i'll have alot of changes and meet people who will understand me..

[iam1butterfly]

So, you think that women reject you... because of your looks?

[shyguy1080]

yes i do belive thats what it is.. I never get approached by women otherwise, and im on a dating website, i message alot of women and get zero responses... Plus i did meet a girl this year but she didnt want to have anythin to do with me after 2 times of hanging out.. All though she said i was too imature.. i belive it was my looks.. Women are very visual people... It has to be my looks is why i have bad luck.,...

[iam1butterfly]

Yes... dating can be hard. Everyone (men and women) go through rejection, regardless of looks. Anyway, since you're convinced that it's your looks that's the turn-off, have you considered a make-over? You know... change of hair style; change of clothing style; growing facial hair... maybe, a simple change that alters your appearance and improves the way you see yourself might help.

[mammo]

It may be your disrespect for women (your post of 1-20)...saying that women are the problem and just want drama.  These feelings I'm sure are shining thru in all you say and do.  Being rude to women who have tried to help you, is not only rude but very disrespectful. I think your way of thinking would be a great place to start.

[dawsohs]

ya need to chill out and loosen up mate, once you are happy with yourself and put women on the back burner for a while then i'm sure you will have better luck. Ya need to maybe address why you hate women so much.Also i would maybe suggest that you just enjoy your own company for a while and get more confident, as i'm pretty sure the i hate women thing is not true, your just putting up barriers as you have had bad experiences. Once you feel right about yourself and feel better then i'm sure you will find that women will enjoy your company more. If you start a relationship, you can;t go into it feeling unhappy with yourself as it won;t be likely to work out. Anyway, that is my opinion, i don;t think you will find a lady until you a truly happy with yourself so  i think you should work on that for now, just hang with your mates and enjoy yourself then when women see that you are fun loving and a nice gentleman then maybe you may get somewhere.

[joanna28]

Hi,i know wat ur feeling,i feel the same,and it doesnt matter if people say to u,that ur not ugly,its them racing thoughts going through ur mind,that there only being nice,i feel ugly 2 and stupid and that people r laughing at me,and talking about me and how ugly i am,but even if my looks changed over night i believe its howi feel inside,its because we feel so low,but how can other people find us attractive,if we dont even like our selfs,people that have treated u bad in the past so aint worth it,i believe when we start liking our selfs we will find some one,theres someone out there for everyone,u will meet them one day,i bet u r a real nice person,believe in urself,wish u all the best,takecare,x

[shyguy1080]

Thank you for getting back to me! Everyone here is awsome and i hope to meet alot of people who can share the same experinces as have I. I am going to look around for a depression support group in my area. No, i dont plan to infect myself with HIV.. I was drunk when i sent out that message.. And very stupid too. Im Adam.. And im happy to be a member of this forum

[wellb]

Hi shyguy,
I would definetely not take the HIV route. Definetly .

I agree with the previous posters.... I don't understand why you think you're ugly?
I guess we don't see ourselves the way others see us, right?

I say, hang in there.

Are you taking any medications to help your Depression?
I hate to sound like I'm pushing the stuff, but anti-depressants have helped so many people. Example: people with social phobias, anxiety,panic attacks etc.

I have a friend ,for instance,who sufferes from severe social-phobias, (she's shy like you) and she took Paxil for it and it helped her tremendously. She's now married with twins! Not kidding!

Anyhoo, since a Doctor is the only person that can prescribe Paxil or Prozac, (or the like), you'll need to go to your Doctor for a prescription. Also, there may be other SSRI's now, that are even better than Paxil,I hear. I don't know 100% though,since I'm taking Celexa (and for a different reason than yours). But I surely would make an appointment with a Doctor or even a Counselor that can refer you to a Doctor, so that you can try an SSRI before you take any drastic measures.

Once again ,hang in there.
... Depression is a bummer,(been there! still there!), but there is help out there for you, ....so SHYGUY plz stop talking yourself into believing you're ugly, 'cuz you're not.  

Hope I've helped. Take care.

[shyguy1080]

Thank youWellb. And yes i am on meds. Zoloft and ativane. I have panc disorder too. The meds have done the job on the panic stuff but... No change in my moods..self esteem, etc.. I guess different meds work for different people. I do see my Doctor next week.. I did hear lexapro is good, only problem is my insurance dosen't cover it..But yea when i see people interact at social situations.. I just wonder, how do they do it? I dont know why im so afraid of girls.. My roomate is one!!

[wellb]

Once again ,so sorry that you feel so bad right now.

It sounds like somebody must have said something to you ,in your past, to make you feel "ugly" (as you describe it).

Sometimes people, especially the children from our past childhood, say mean things because they want to get to us, even if it's a pure lie.

It's so hard to erase those mean comments from our past, even when a long time has passed.

Zoloft is great for panic attacks,btw and I'm glad it helped you for that.

As far as your social situation goes, though, maybe you can seek out a free counselor.

When I was in College they had a free behavioral health clinic and they gave free counseling to students (it was always full too!) . I went and loved it,btw.

But, I think there are also other institutions that have free counselors , ---for people that can't afford a psychiatrists,Doc, or the like.    

I think that talking to somebody would be great for you, because that human contact with a good listener might make you feel very good.

If your psychiatrist is like mine, he doesn't give you a long time to really talk about your life in great detail, BUT a couselor is more of a "listener" type, though not necessarily a doctor.
I'm a proponent of counseling because of that human contact component I mentioned, and also because a good listener can make a person,like us, feel "heard".

[shyguy1080]

Yea my psychiatrist is the same thing. Actually from september till early december  i was seeing a counsler. Yea i told him about my problems and i think he was really helpfull. For whatever reason, later on the day after seeing him, i just start to feel like crap again. I keep asking myself, why is it i am so ugly?? Why can't women see me for me? But i had to stop seeing the therapist for two reasons, i couldnt afford it anymore, money is tight these days and i just fet it wasn't effective. I am going to start looking around for maybe support groups. Have you or anyone here attended those meetings?

[rafecu]

Shy guy jus becuse ur shy doesnt mean your ugly. If thats ur pictures ur no where near ugly. You sound like a nice shy dude. So just keep being nice to women and ask some out to go to the movies or something. Beleive me there is someone out therefor ya. Goodluck Brother.

[wellb]

shyguy,
Yup, I agree with Rafecu....there is definetely somebody out there for everybody. I'm a strong believer in that, because I have lots of shy friends and when they were least expecting it, they have met somebody (plus it also happend to me) in their lives!!   I'm not just saying this now,'cuz I saw it happen.

The question that most people have is= where to find that nice "mate", right?

That's probably the question of the Century because there are so many places to meet people since humans come in so many different types,--- the variation of human beings out there is mind-boggling.
Anyhow....

Bars are not necessarily the best place to meet peeps, for example, because the booze often fogs people's brains anyhow. IMHO,it's best to be clear headed when talking to a person you'd like to meet.  If not, the booze may start talking and heaven knows what will come out. LOL!

I am in a permanent relationship, and even with a ring on my finger, I still get hit on. ...amazingly! But the thing that floors me is that people hit on me in the weirdest places! Example, the supermarket, a Library, a book store, a museum, places like that. Granted, I'm not in the Market any more, but honestly, if it happens to me, it can happen to you also (hey, and I'm no Jennifer Aniston,trust me!).

If you go to places where nice people hang out, I think you will meet nice people in return. You don't have to be a great conversationalist, since I'm sort of shy too and look at me! All you have to do is go out to FREE hang-outs (since you mentioned that you're short on cash right now).

Another example are those FREE music (jazz or percussion) concerts. I just love those because they're outside and the music is so relaxing and best of all,theyr're FREE!    You'd be surprised how many shy people go to Free concerts. Worst that can happen is that you go to a FREE concert, get to listen to nice music, and do some fun people watching. People watching (without looking like a lurker, of course) is fun for us depressives because it gets us out near people without forcing us to talk. People contact is very important for you right now SHYGUY, but by that it does not mean that you have to even talk to anybody,--- just observe the World and you'll notice that most people are not "hunks" or "runway models". Most people are average looking folks, like us. Once you can see that, you will feel so much better about your looks. And ,once again, seeing w/ our eyes and observing nature and the World is Free!