I feel like I'm dieing a little everyday

[Roxi_92]

I'm a 21 year old girl. It all started 2 months ago I started with my anxiety and it led me to think I was diabetic, it lead me to think I had a heart disease and now hiv. But it's because I haven't been feeling good soo I started googling my symptoms and of course all these diseases popped up and I started thinking the worse but I heard anxiety can do that to you. My heads just been really itchylike my scalp, my throat hurt at first but now it doesn't it at times it does , my mouth always felt dry but it went away, my vision gets blurry a lot, my upper back and side of my left neck started hurting, my head hurt, my collar bone and heart started hurting, I got a yeast infection, my hands are starting to get dry, my hair has been falling off a lot, and my foot has been really itchy but I have athletes foot on my left foot but now my right foot is starting to catch it, my hands hurt and fall asleep at times, it feels like joint pain,  my chest feels bruised at times and I get pain in random parts of my body :(ohh and I forgot to mention I've been having tooth ache. All my teeth hurt including my jaw.  I've had unprotected sex with 4 different guys this year and I got a tattoo done at a friends house. I don't know of this is my guilt getting to me it just seems all to real to think it's anxiety I got tested 2 months ago at planned parent hood for hiv and it came out negative. I just got tested again but this time I feel like it'll be more accurate. I'm really scared.im getting my results on the 31st. I haven't been stressing though. I bought a journal and I write in it almost everyday. I feel like I'm dieing though like the virus is already affecting me and it scares me. I'm 21. I'm soo young and soo scared. I feel like I take my life for granted. Your not alone I'm going through the same thing. I've been to the ER 2 times already and I got a physical and they said my health is good but the last test I need to do is the std test which I just did. My bf and I had unprotected sex a few weeks ago and I feel like I ruined his life. I stress everyday because I may have infected someone. My skin has been soo sensitive lately and my eyes get really red at times. Is this all stress am I over thinking. I have generalized anxiety according to the doctor but I don't feel right and I can't accept that it's anxiety if feels to real but I won't find out till this test. I'm glad everything is going good for u. I'm really scared. I might have ruined mine and my bfs life. I told him about it and he went to the clinic. He told me he's sticking around reguardless but still like it hurts me soo much . I feel like the most terrible person in the world.I'm tired of feeling alone. My family know I'm going through anxiety but they don't know what for. I'm going on family trip next week but I'm scared. My anxiety has been messing with me randomly at work things will start hurting and they'll be times where my head starts hurting and I start thinking is this anxiety or is this real. Yesterday I thought I was going to pass out at work things just started hurting and my thoughts were going crazy. I'm a cashier so I can't show how I'm feeling soo while I was greeting people I felt like I wanted to die .now u know my story and I hope things get better for me. Hope ur having a good day :)

[Roxi_92]

thank you soo much for your beautiful words honestly i appreciate the comment. my anxiety actually has gotten soo much better im praying everyday giving thanx to god that he let me wake up and live another day. right now im mexico with my family and im having the time of my life. i started journaling and thats been helping me alot all though i still have been getting pains throughout my body. my hands ache at the moment and it freaks me out but im trying to ignore the pain  and at times my heart does start beating fast to the point it feels bruised around chest and i get headaches and back aches. but my anxiety i feel is gone. i havent has an anxiety attack even knowing that i get my std results on the 31st. im thinking positive and hoping for the best. this hand pain is freaking me out the most since it never goes away. i just had a physical too and they said everything was good but apparenly my blood pressure keeps going up and down but im not diabetic or i dont have anything wrong but those 2 weeks that i did wait for my results i was freaken out soo much something was going to come out bad.idk if it was cuz of the stress i caused myself to get sick. but i know god is with me and hes watching over me and i know he wouldnt let me go through anything i cant handle.

[lacrista37]

Hey, Dear.  I wanted to tell you that I understand what you are going through. I had similar feelings but they were short lived by a few things that happened that opened my eyes.  First of all, I am 37.  I work with children and sometimes I have to be reminded that I am nearing 40.  I said that to say that God did give me the gift of wisdom beyond my years, yet he renews my youth on a daily basis.  So understand that you can trust me on what I will tell you.  

(These are all things/conversations that I had with myself and God)
Life is too short for this. While in tears, I asked God "why me?". I But God seemed to answer me over time, "Why not you?"  I realized what he did for me and realized that if he can suffer for my sake, I can take what I am going through.  But that still didn't do it.  I had to overcome.  The fear, the anger, the anxiety.  

I come to realize that as long as I was worried about something, I thought I was fine.  Did you get that?  I actually found myself thinking of something to worry about so that I would feel alive and well....maybe even distracted.   I knew that I had to fix that.   It sounded crazy and with my kind of job, I didn't need that.  So I worked on this.  I am not there.  I am still working.  I sometimes catch myself looking for something to ponder.  My blessings were passing me by one by one and I never knew that God blessed me with nothing to worry about.   He was taking care of me and all things in my path was working for me. He placed people in my path who only helped me to get where I needed to be ( some way or another and whether I noticed it at the time or not).  I had to trust that God has me covered because he said he would.  

You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you.  You have loved ones who want to see you well. I learned that sometimes we are as well as we perceive ourselves to be.  I learned that all thoughts generate energy.  This is true.  Have you ever found yourself saying something ( perhaps that you wish would not happen) and lo and behold, it happened! Or do you remember Murphy's law; that if anything could go wrong it will?  This is associated with that.  If I think I am bad, then I am.  If I feel scared then I am; so on and so forth.  

Therefore, I challenge you to join me in thinking Positively  about ourselves, our families and our surroundings.  Even in the face of the adversaries, think positively.  Take back your health, your joy and discredit the forces which causes you to hurt.  

I know it sounds like a novel or a commercial.  But I am speaking life to you.  You are well, you are happy.  Uncover that and claim it.  OK?  It's ok.  You are going to be just fine.  I promise.  I am praying for you.  You can do it.  I know you can.  

[krisnile]

Great job skinnythin great advise feels good to help don't it sometime helping others help you.... Keep helping...

[skinnythin]

I am no doctor but i was your age when my depression was bad but my both of my parents were gone by then and i was in a bad relationship and later on in life i wouldn't know it but. ...... would have unprotected sex and did end up with an std. I was very young, adopted and my parents a lot older and never discussed that very much.  20 yrs. Ago things were different. 1.) All I can say is what is done is done. God is in Control,  be patient and when you find out deal with it;  find out what your choices are. If it is nothing LIVE AND LEARN.  2.) Check with your doctor about your prescription for your anxiety and make sure you are on the right dose. 3) I love Journaling,  I think it is good for you and your dr. And last, 4) I love to ref. the Internet,  but do not believe EVERYTHING YOU READ.  I have anxiety terrible. Sometimes though if I believed it all I would SCARED MYSELF TO DEATH.....LOL.  Moral is life is short,  I have lost loved ones and gained a great second husband; after being abused the first time.   He has really stuck by me because I had to tell him about STD and take a chance of losing him.  We have been together 18 yrs., married 14 and he still puts up with my depression and i have an eating disorder.  So his hands are full.....lol

OKAY I HAVE RAMBLED....IDK IF I HAVE HELPED, BUT THERE IS MY STORY.  I WISH THE BEST OF LUCK AND WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU!   JoAnn