I just don't know what to do anymore. Someone please help.

[Briaa]

I am a 15 year old girl. Depression tends to always creep up on me. I just don't know how to push it away. It's strange because minor things tend to really bother me. I don't know why. But they do. And this causes me to feel depressed and just plain sad. I don't know how to handle this sort of thing. I hate how my life is now. Things go wrong more often than usual. I remember when I used to be a happy person. When I had a good life. I hardly ever was this sad. The one thing that bothers me the most right now is how I lost a wonderful, best friend. His name is Francisco. I miss him so much. He didn't pass away, no. He attends military school now. But let me tell you the reason as to why that hurts me.

When we were in 8th grade, we were the best of friends. Also considered friends with benefits... in a way. He really liked me. And he helped me through my sullen days. I always have flashbacks of the wonderful times we had together and I usually cry about it beince he hates me. No point in loving those moments when our friendship is abolished. I still hate myself for making the mistake of dating a few guys (which caused him to become aggravated at me.) I was so stupid to not realize what hurt I caused him. From that point, he never spoke to me. He didn't even look at me. When I tried to speak to him, he wouldn't respond to me. As if I was a ghost or something. That's what I felt like around him. And this went on for quite a while. I didn't want to irritate him. So I just kept a distance. Then came a day where I decided to write a letter to him to express exactly how I felt, to apologize, that way we could maybe cope with eachother and work things out between us. The next day, I went to school looking for him (we had no classes together.) I wasn't sure if he was there. So, I go to ask a friend of mine, Luis, if he had seen him. Luis told me that he went to military school. That just made my day. I felt horrible.  I wished I had apologized to him sooner. I just made another mistake. The good news was that a friend of Luis would be able to lend that letter to Francisco beince they're next neighbors. I just hope he was able to read it. I want him to know how much he means to me. How sorry I am. He'll always have a place in my heart. I just wish he understood that. I don't think I'll ever see him again.

[j17c27]

Hello, I know the pain of losing someone so well.  I had a boyfriend who was my best friend and when we broke up he told me we would still be best friends, but of course it didnt work like that.  He broke my heart time and time again and he treats me like ****.  I know its not the same situation as you, but I often think about all the times he's held me as I cried and held my hand when I was feeling weak and discouraged.  I think about those times where he would make me laugh and make me feel like I actually matter and was special.  Now I think aboout it and get soooo sad know I will never have them again.  But what I always have to remember is that I dont NEED him.  Hopefully your friend will get the letter and understand.  He should not hold what you did against you...you werent exactly dating, and although Im sure he was hurt, it would be a little extreme if he ended your friendship because of it. I really hope things work out for you, but until then know that you arent alone...and try and keep positive.  

[AmbassadorofAwesome69]

I have a daughter your age and what you are experiencing is normal.  I can give you long-drawn out advice but the best thing to tell you is keep him in your heart and move on.  It will hurt for a while but life goes on.  Maybe he is on Facebook or something?  Maybe you can send a quick message - "I know its been a while since we talked but I just wanted to wish you well.  I never meant to hurt you.  Best wishes always."  It sounds like you need a bit of closure and this may do it.  Keep us updated.  I will add this to my watch list.

[Omusicgame]

Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that Briaa.  I know how it is when you hurt somebody, and you dont even know you do it.  Its kind of like you take the friendship for granted.  I did the same thing with my best friend.  Everything was wonderful, until he left and actually moved to the Tucson, Arizona where you are living.  After he left, and another friend of mine left, I kind of lost it.  This was like 11 years ago too, and I still think about it.  But like always you just got to accept it.  Hopefully your friend knows that you were sorry, and you didnt mean to hurt him.  Then maybe you can move on, and get rid of the hurt that is hurting you.