I just don't know what to do

Hi..I am new here and I need help.  I'm so depressed..all I want to do is sleep.  I'm married with 2 kids and they are really suffering.  I see a dr and take meds but it not working.  I am afraid I'm gonna lose my family and job.  Sometimes I think my husband would be better off without me. I don't know what to do anymore/

[el_dave]

I was right there. Waking up is like being sentenced to serve another day in jail, right? Mine is a "situational" depression as opposed to a chemical imbalance, though.. how about you? Are there any logical reasons for your not wanting to be awake and aware? I have several, myself. They haven't gotten any better, but the worst of the depresssion seems to have lifted. There are many factors in that, the primary factor, I believe, being an attempted suicide foiled by a nosy neighbor. I'm hoping you don't have to go that far, and in fact I know you don't have to go that far, if yours is situational.. let me know about that, please. In fact, you're almost sure to be getting better at this point, I think, because if your depression is situational we'll figure out what you might be able to do to alleviate the situation. If it's chemical, you've just stumbled upon a wealth of information, and it's information coming from experience regarding the antidepressants. Take heart, write in more detail, let these fine forlks help you. Me too, if I can.

-El Dave

[losttaya]

Thanking for responding.  I just got married to a man with 2 kids.  I love them all but it was a big change for me.  I had be single for 30+ years and now I'm a wife and stepmom.  I wanted to be the perfect wife and mom and i completely wore myself out.  I was so busy taking care of everybody else that I totally neglected myself.  Then slowly I started getting depressed and its getting worse.  My dr put me on Welbutrin and an antiantxiety.  Never really seems to be working.  Oh, on top of that I have a high demanding job where I need to work overtime.  I don't understand how I got this way.

[el_dave]

Lost yourself in others, huh? We give and give, placing other people's needs above our own, until we're drained and empty. Happens all the time, it's happened to me, it's happened to an Angel I know. She's a better example, mine is mostly dealing with junkies and hookers and other friends. This Angel, though, always put her children first. Still does, in fact.. she'll work a sixteen hour shift at the hospital, then come home to find one of the children doesn't feel all that great. She'll stay up with that child all night and then go pull an eight or even another sixteen. She signs the kids up for everything.. Scouts, all sorts of sporty stuff, lessons.. then she takes them to these events. No one responds to her sacrifices (yes, I know, whn you do it for the kids it's not a sacrifice.. be sure to tell youself that next time you're refilling that prescription!)  with gratitude, the more she gives the more is expected of her. In my book she is, albeit without malice, used and abused by the people who love her. Daddy does play video games and watches TV with them, that's his contribution. Oh yes, until ten or so, when he goes in to get his beauty sleep. Not meaning to get down on your husband, but what's he up to while you're perfecting your serving skills? I'm sorry if I seem a bit agitated, your situation is just so familiar, but for all I know your husband does everything in his power to help you, in which case he's all right by me. Is that the way it is?  Because the perfect wife and mother has one sterling quality you seem to be overlooking.. she's there for the long haul, and remains in a condition such that she can care for them. If you take a truck and start to do good works with it, picking up excess food at restaurants and distributing it where it's needed, that's wonderful.. but there is so darned much NEED, and you drive that truck relentlessly, every spare moment, and you know you're doing good so you just keep going and going and going.. know what happens? The truck burns up it's motor, you haven't taken time to change the oil. Your love is the truck, your own needs are the lubrication. Maintain yourself first, and you'll be able to keep "being there for them". Am I making any sense at all, or am I all wet?

-El Dave

[losttaya]

Thanks..you are making perfect sense.  I sound so much like Angel.  My husband is supportive until he doesn't get any sex...then the support goes down the drain.  I am really gonna try to take time for me for awhile..cause right now I am no good to anyone.  I am dead inside.  I use to self medicate with Tramadol...that was the worest thing I could ever do.  Lucky I stopped before it got bad.  Thanks sooo much for sharing

[el_dave]

Well, let me illustrate how nosy I can be and ask why he doesn't get any sex? If you want to tell me to butt out, please be gentle. Being a no good womanizing ne'er do well stumblebum, though, it's the first question that pops into my imitation mind (lost the real one years back).

-El Dave

[lonewolf07]

I live down at the end of Lonely Street ....

It seems like you answered your own question about how things "got this way" when you said you married a man with two children and you also have a demanding job with overtime.  Maybe the fact that the children are biologically his makes a difference.Does the man give you any help with anything?  You said he's supportive till he doesn't get sex.  Can he parent two children and work at a demanding job and still have the energy to be Mr. Stud?  No offence intended.

Maybe you would be better off without "him", even if just temporarily.  Women aren't socialized to be selfish and put their needs first and IMHO this is wrong.  If you feel better, your husband and children  will also feel better.  Your feelings effect everyone around you - this is not a judgement -  if you feel good/bad that will rub off on your family.  It's impossible to be perfect but a lot of us try and end up depressed.  You do articulate your situation and feelings very, very well.

I know I come across as a male-basher and maybe I am.  But if my partner put me in a position where my needs always came last and his always came first I know it would be intolerable.  Sometimes we really do have to know which cards to keep and which ones to throw away .... know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em ....

Before I quote anymore songs, I better quit.

HUGS TO YOU ....

wolf

[losttaya]

Thanks for your comments..they really helped.  I agree, when I'm down the whole house seems to be down.  I am working at taking it step by step and not being hard on myself if I can't get everything done.  I love my family and don't want to lose them...so I must find ways to cope.

[lonewolf07]

You'll find a way  = )

[letieg]

I'm 47 and feel very depressed. I don't do anything just take care of kids from a previous marriage, the one at home is my 13 yo. boy. I keep a neat home my husband always looks sharpe and handsome, it makes me feel good for my family to be pressed and nice daily. I don't feel I over do myself. I don't go anywhere alone I'm scared to drive and I always want to be home. I don't go anywhere with my husband or child, SELFISH HUH? i'M ON LEXAPRO AND RECENTLY HAD AN EKG, that read abnormal, had a stents cath. came out good. So passed Thursday I had a ECHO/ULTRA sound which I' m waitimg for results. before that started I was ordered to have the EKG for pre-op purposes ( was going to have lower back surgery ) so that is put aside til results come back. I was so excited for my surgery even though it was pretty risky, I had faith and was high in life. Now all this is going on and the result I am waiting for is controlling my life right now. If the drs. didn't find anything around my heart or arteries than something has to be wrong inside the heart. I feel I am locked up an't run any direction because there is something negative holding me back. Letie