I might do something alot will consider unwise

All through my life, i've struggled with being the best. Right now im in tears :( and drinking now... While im, 28, live on my own have 2 jobs. I've never had sucesess with women. It goes from when im at parties or whatever, i never get approached, no girl flirts with me.. Im on a dating website and had no sucess there. As you can see from my pic, im fat, not really attractive... Im starting to give up.. Ive seen therapists and it hasnt worked. Last time i saw a therapist was last month.. nothing going there. I been thinking about doing this.... Trying to meet a woman with HIV, have unprotected sex with her and atain the virus myself... I just feel my life isnt worth it anymore. I wont commit suicide on the spot, i still wanna live for a while but...me being ugly as is... I just want to know that my time is numbered and i will no longer be in pain..And maybe i can meet a woman who is HIV + and she would be accepting.. Most of the girls i met are not accepting... Even the last girl i met. Even though, the whole purpose was "stricktly platonic"  After meeting her, i have a crush on her... I told her it and thought it was best we didnt hang out anymore cause of it.. She was saddend and said she still wanted to hang out with me, she still talks to me and stuff.. She says her life is crazy now, dosent wanna get involved in anything and wants to get to know me. I still get the vibe she aint into me...I just dont know what to do anymore, i feel as if im the ugliest man in the world and i have no hope. And dont get me started on the "women are attracted to confidence stuff" that maybe but a man has to be good looking, im sorry its the bottom line. Its why im single and hopeless.. I guess i should get a death sentence

[mammo]

It's great that you want to be the best, but you need a balance in your life.  Sometimes women feel a man who works two jobs wouldn't have time for a relationship, and maybe you wouldn't.  Many people have no luck on dating sites, so don't let this get you down. Women tend to want the man to approach them at parties and such, and sometimes they may be flirting with you and you don't even realize it.  What concerns me is that you did meet a girl that you felt a connection with, but told her it was best to not hang out together because of this.  Why? It sounds like she tried very hard to have a relationship with you, and it saddened her that you didn't want this.  You've got to seize the moment, or you may lose it like you have.  Now this girl is not sure about what your motives are, and now she feels it best to get to know you better, and she's right.  You hurt her, she's not going to jump right back into that fire. Give her the opportunity to get to know you, you've got to earn her trust.  Now she's afraid if she starts to care again, you'll decide that you two shouldn't hang out.  I think you've been seeing the wrong therapist, and you can try reading some self-help books on gaining confidence.  Most men and women lack confidence when it comes to the opposite sex, but you can do better. Stop the alcohol right away, this will for sure, send you spiraling down into a dark hole.  You have so much going for you, don't throw it and your life away.  Getting HIV is not the answer, as dying isn't the answer. You're very young and can get yourself out of this rut, and have a happy life.  See a psychiatrist about this,  he can help you learn to deal with all this and move forward in your life with more confidence. A lot of us have had to do this, they are trained to help us thru times like these, and you may even require some medication, but he will know for sure.  You've worked too long and hard to throw it all away, and that special someone is out there, just don't push her away when you do meet her.  I'm sure there are other men on this forum who have dealt with this same issue who will jump on here to offer advice.  So, please stay with us, we all care and have our own experiences to share and help you.  My husband still talks about the trouble he had meeting women when he was young, I think it's common.  We're glad you're here.  Take care...

[Link004]

Hey, thanx for getting back to me. Its just that when i was in my earley 20's I had alot of girls hit on me, and i was still just as shy and had no esteem as i am now. Well fast forward from 25 years old to now 28 years old, its died down. I dunno what happend.. And i still have a feeling this girl i met isnt in to me. Yes even though she says she high maitence cause she has two kids and is very carefull when meeting guys and shes really busy with her kids..I been having to do the contacting so far. Shes never made an effort to contact me. Thats why im not gonna call her at all this week and try to get her to contact me.. As in chase me... Besides the point, Having experinced talk therapy, i did not see any effect.. And i liked my therapist, he was a nice guy, so it was nothing against him. And i am on anti depressants but i dont feel any different. So thats why i figured the only way to be happy is to become good looking. A good looking man can have any woman he wants..And i know me just looking average or below is why i have trouble meeting women. I dunno, i feel my life is a lost cause.

[peggy64]

I would advice you to move on. Broaden your interests. It seems as if you have become obsessive about meeting someone. This should not be the main focus of your life. Living day to day, helping others, getting the focus off of yourself will really help.

You can talk to many people, and they would say they wished they were in your position. Some people get into a relationship and it is horrible. It is just not what it is cracked up to be. You know?

Like I said, broaden your horizens. Don't get so hung up on having a girlfriend that you forget to live in the moment.

[therese83]

Ok

You are not fat

You are attractive, you look a bit like my son and he spends the whole time looking in the mirror admiring himself  LOL

You should nevr turn your back on an offer of friendship, be her friend, of course! she is willing to be your friend, why would you refuse a good friend

relax , good luck, it will happen

[my_mayberry]

95% of guys don't get whatever girl they want. infact, i'd say more like 99%. granted some are far more assertive when it comes to TRYING to get what they want, which does increase their odds....but even then, they still fall short quite often.

being alone takes its toll...but you know, everyone finds someone eventually....and usually it's worth the wait if it takes longer than others. i mean would you rather have meangless relationships to satisfy your need to feel attractive, or wait for someone who you will truly connect with? because when that happens, everything else doesn't matter anymore. it just takes time...and being only 28 it's far too early to write it off. WAY too early.

[Julie359]

Well im another who thinks ur attractive.  Personally im attracted to guys who are not too overly confident but not extremely shy neither.  Confidence is very attractive.  Plus even if a guy is overweight if i can see he has a kind, generous, funny nature then that is normally enough to spark that interest.

What you are saying about getting urself infected with HIV is extremely sad, what would happen if you went ahead with this idea and a few years later met the woman of ur dreams and wanted to settle down and have a family.  You are jepadising your whole life because of the here and now.

Maybe it would be worth while to go see ur doc and maybe think about some kind of medication, an anti-depressant, cause it sounds as if your at rock bottom right now and need that extra help to turn your life around.  

Please remember these things take time, im 36 and i still havent found Mr right.

[Julie359]

sorry just read u r on anti-d's, maybe then ur dose needs to be increased and also a goodlooking guy doesn't always get the girls.  alot of good looking guys know it and are total ars* holes......

I prefer the more down to earth guys. and so do alot of woman out there.