I need help I cant stop lying.

I had the perfect support group amongst my friends. They loved me, my roommate who was also the person I was romantically involved with, secretly though, our closest friends knew but my family or his family. My family has always had big problems I knew this but I didnt think I would lead to any problems. I dont know. I guess to cut to the point

I stole 20,000 dollars from my parents. I ripped my family apart and hurt them. I thought I should have went to jail. I have always had a problem with stealing money from my parents, they aren't really rich but I just never felt like, how other parents treated there kids. When my family eats dinner, not one word is ever spoken, when we have tried to talk we just end up yelling at each other. I thought it was just me growing up but i should be getting over that now, I'm 20. The only time we would talk is when they were disappointed in me, beyond the point of rage. Now they dont trust me and I need to know what to do to try to build the trust

MY friends who I am more close to they my family, I don't know why I was so depressed this winter or what happened but I didn't have a job, I injured my back and my cervical spine in a rafting accident this summer working for my parents. I was in pain all winter and boredom I was extremely athletic my friends and roommates are extremely athletic.  So I was under all these restrictions. It seemed that no one really cared that I was injured, Brett knew that I was hurting and he started taking such great care of me.

I stole that money from my parents. Spent it on nothing. Starting lying to Brett the one person that really cared and loved me. I told him which resulted in me telling the rest of my friends I had a brain hemorrhage. I didn't. So they became so aware that I was hurt, felt bad for me. I hated that I started the story, it got out of control. But i didnt want to lose my friends by saying I did lie. Brett was lending me money. because I couldnt work and wasnt getting the workcomp money I needed because I felt like I was stealing from my parents... seriously, as I was stealing.. So the stories I told just got so worse eventually it was I was probably gonna die i X number of years. My friends spent so much time helping me. meanwhile I would sleep all day, I gained 40+lbs I wouldnt even go outside on some day, just lay in bed, feeling not bad for my self just like I was drowning. I didnt realize how lying to the ones I loved was ruining my own life as well.

I had no idea how to come clean. It would be hard to come clean and I really didnt want to lose Brett, let alone my other roommate and friends

It sounds like talking to my other friends they knew that there was something not so right. But deep down I think brett  knew as well

He went to my mom. Who I know loves me very much.

I moved out, I hurt everyone. I ruined myself my family single-handly in less then a year..
Brett meant the most to me, my heartaches for him so much. I cant believe I was the monster who hurt him so badly

I took responsibility I went to go talk to someone at the mental heath clinic and am talking to someone

I had sent emails to all my friends explaining my feelings and some of the thought processes I went through while doing this.

They came back with calling me sick psychopathic and many other things. my question to you is. Do you think I am, I mean I know that there is something wrong that I could  do this to my friends and family. How do I know if im sick? I dont feel sick.. My head feels fine, I just want and need to work really hard about moving foward, getting a job, finding a new place to live. I need to work on being honest and building trust with the people I love. I dont care how long it will take I will be there if they want me to build the trust.

It feels better to have the lies lifted, I've started automatically waking up at around 6:30 (the time brett usually left) and started running and walking with my dog
Ive written letters to everyone and plan on leaving them at my or their house along with some baby pictures of me because they dont know who I am. Another lie or story I told. That my family was broken, that my dad was a horrible person.
I have also written a letter to bretts parents. I plan on sending it tomorrow morning.
What should I do? Am I sick?  

[shay69]

I'm really sorry to hear that you let this happen. I would suggest  you see a psychiatrist not a counselor and tell them anything out of the ordinary throwout your life. There may be a deep rooted problem or mood disorder.  We all have mood disorders in this forum and we all deal with what is called stigma. Hang in there maybe you can slowly gain there trust back and your life. I hope you can learn from this as to not destroy your life again. Please seek help. It's out there and can make all the difference in your life. In the state your in now it may be hard for you to move forward but u may have to. You have to accept that the people who where in your life may never forgive u but dont give up yet you never know . Good luck I hope you get better.

[shay69]

I'm really sorry to hear that you let this happen. I would suggest  you see a psychiatrist not a counselor and tell them anything out of the ordinary throwout your life. There may be a deep rooted problem or mood disorder.  We all have mood disorders in this forum and we all deal with what is called stigma. Hang in there maybe you can slowly gain there trust back and your life. I hope you can learn from this as to not destroy your life again. Please seek help. It's out there and can make all the difference in your life. In the state your in now it may be hard for you to move forward but u may have to. You have to accept that the people who where in your life may never forgive u but dont give up yet you never know . Good luck I hope you get better.