I need help; i hate my life

i hate my life. i am a young teenager, and i feel as though i have no friends. i have maybe 3, my parents moved me to a new school so i am disconnecting from all three of them. i feel like i have no friends at my school and everyone hate me. I've already been in a children's mental facility for a week and a half, and i basically feel worse, or at least not better.I'm on pills for ADHD and we're trying to find an anti-depressant to work. i hate my life, and nothing is fun anymore. my favorite things are not fun anymore. i hate my parents and everyone else too. i want to kill myself but i don't have the nerve, so instead i sit around wishing i could and thinking of a painless way to die, but so far there are none. i want my life back! I want to be happy again, and not upset all the time! is there ANY way to help me? what can i do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

[ParamedFlorena]

A familymember of mine used to feel a lot the same as you. He lost hope in the blink of an eye. If he missed out on his ADHD medications it was all a down-path for him. I don't know exactly what to tell you but I know that there is a cure for you out there just waiting for to be detected by you. It's not easy to find the right medications for you maybe, but once they're found you're going to notice a great difference.
Continue to look together with the team working with you, ok? There IS a good combination for you to help you keep the ADHD in check.

Welcome to the depression forum. It's always possible to post back or in a new thread if you need support. That's what we're here for! I do also know that there are many understanding members in the teen-depression forum too.


Check back in!

Florena

[John_jb1]

Hello,

As ParamedFlorena said, make sure you do take the ADHD meds. In the mean time whilst finding a suitible anit-depressant med. I'd reccomend you take some god liver oil, as these can help your brain think and improve concentration to a extent.
I'm not saying there would be huge changes, but you'd be able to think slightly better.

Another good thing to do is to re-live good experiences, atleast in your mind of course. When trying to sleep you can close your eyes and concentrate immensely on a time that you were really happy, say you were out and about with your family in a good place or something. You have to feel what you felt, see what you saw and hear what you heard, it has to be exact.

When worrying about school, you could try "living in the now" if you start worrying about school or something, stop and look around you and think about things that are happening now, and right in front of you. When you go school "take it as it comes"

Good luck

- John -

[Hensley258]

Hey dude. I uderstand what your going thru because I was also the same way when I was your age. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but I swear it does get better.

I will PM you soon.

[xanweaner]

I'm sorry that you're feeling so empty and alone...it's scary to feel that way when you're thirteen...but there is a positive side to this. Do you have any activities that you like to do? Is your head clear enough to think about doing something that used to make you happy? School is almost out...do you have anything planned for the summer? Are you allowed by your parents to spend time with your old friends?

Do you like anything in the arts - dance, acting, music, drawing, painting....these things can really help with your depression...you would be amazed. Try something different - and don't lose hope...you can feel better again....

[Anajule]

I think you are very sad because you have had a great loss - moving from your friends and what you were used to.  Sometimes parents think that it's no big deal to move especially for their kids, but it is.  You have experienced a great loss and it is natural to feel the way you do - you are grieving and you had no control over the move, but one day you will control your life.  Try to think of this as a temporary situation.  Dream about what you would like your life to be and work towards it.  Try not to worry about making new friends - take care of yourself and the friends will follow.  Think of yourself as one of your closest friends and be the person you would be to them.  

[prozacprincess]

First of all I would just like to say that I love your name, Pickleperson.  Second of all, my heart goes out to you.  Depression is like a roller coaster.  One minute you're up and the next you're down.  Just know this, you aren't alone.  Keep talking to us and like someone else recommended, on the teen forum.  Don't lose contact with people, that just makes the depression worse, at least it does for me.

Hugs
Prozacprincess

[Natureday]

You should listen to some Abraham Hicks, it will make you a lot happier.
SHe talks about how to only think the thoughts that will help you.
You can watch some videos on youtube.
This is not spam, I am not making any money referring you to listen and be happier.

[xanweaner]

Are you still out there? I've been reading these great messages to you, and I'm wondering what you think about these notes of concern on your behalf?

Let us know how it's going....it's obvious that we care, even if we haven't met you....

[pickleperson421]

I'm sorry i havent been replying, and i really do appreciate your help. i'll get to that later. (the reason i haven't been watching is because ive felt really akward about using this and id feel more akward if my parents somehow found out.)
now to xanweaner- about your first post, finding something to do that i love, thats a problem. there are SO MANY things i used to love doing. i used to love to watch tv play computer, draw and i play 3 intruments. but for the past few years i havnt enjoyed doing it. when i get upset my parents tell me to find something to do to take my mind off it, but everything makes me bored. i dont enjoy doing ANYTHING and my parents wonce said ti could be like depression or something, but my point is ocupying myself wont work.

sry my parents are home and i dont want them to see me doing this so i gtg- ill come back later and all. thank you all SO MUCH for your kind words though. its nice to know  someone cares!(and they havent even met me!)

[xanweaner]

I am so sorry again...but I'm glad that we've made you feel better, knowing that we care...perhaps it's time to find some new interests. I would suggest getting into nature somehow - hiking, bonding with animals, etc. That might bring some lightness - I found that watching nature and feeding ducks make me feel good inside, even if it was temporary.....might sound silly, but it did......
just a thought......

[girl731]

hey pickle -
judging from the name of this post, we've all been there.

when i was a teen and had the exact feelings, a very wise therapist said "you know, your 13 (15, 19, whatever) year old self may want to die right now but i'll bet that your 25, 39, 42, 87 (again, whatever) year old self will be really ticked if you kill yourself."
i thought that was pretty cool
and he was right.

every day isn't easy and some years are better than others, but i've got to tell you, it's really fun having experiences that i couldn't imagine when i was a teenager.

some other (possibly uncomfortable) advice - let your parents know.  it's surprising how much they get it.  hard to believe, but they were actually teenagers once, too.

maybe a simple "hey mom, i haven't been feeling so great lately.  kinda down about..... (fill in blank) did you have experiences like that when you were my age?"  then let her talk.  you'll be amazed at how they open up.  even if it takes a while.

take care

[pickleperson421]

my parents know how im feeling and i go to a therapist and (are trying to) take meds and stuff. its just the akwardness of them knowing that im on a website or watever (im REALLY self-concios) i do love nature, i have 7 pets and they are really fun and my hamsters make me feel so much better seeing them so pathetic little and cute, but it hasnt been working lately. i love to hike and iyt makes me feel so good, but there's no hiking anywhere near where i live so thats out of the question.

at times i feel like i want to die. yesterday i was feeling really upset. i forget why, but i was. i saw a sharp knifew my dad was using to make salad, and i picked it up. i wanted so bad to just slice myself up slit my wrists or something, but i didnt want the pain. i wanted to die and i saw an opportunity but the thought of the pain made me decide against it. i wanted to take a few bottles of childrens motrin. but i was afraid i wouldnt take enough and id just end up really hurt or something. i dont want to hurt, like cutting myself, i wantr to die. i wont ever try to hurt myself i know, beause i love some people a little and dont want them to hurt. and i dont want myself to be in pain. but a lot of the time i wish i wasnt s afraid.

[therese83]

Hi
It sounds to me that you have very strong feelings that are sometimes hard to handle.  You should not have to go through this alone as you are only a child.  It can be a normal part of being a teenager, haveing strong emotions,

Do you have someone you can talk to about your feelings.  Is there a counsellor in the school?  or a trusted relative?

Have you tried writing down your feelings somehow getting them out.
Try not to bottle things up.

Best of luck to you

[pickleperson421]

i do write in a diary on the computer. i like it because its locked, like a real diary, and no one knows the code. i feel free to swear my brains out, which makes me feel relieved kinda that i can actually say how mad i am, and i have NEVER sweared out loud in my LIFE.

sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesnt.

thank you all SO much for your help and support.
when you leave a comment and i  comment back, it may seem like im telling you you're wrong. im not- but im not sure WHAT im saying... but its nothing bad, so thats ok

[OTuathal]

I don't think you want to die...you want release from the pain you are in. Here's the part that ***** (or sounds like it does but really it's the key to your freedom). You have to give yourself up to the therapuetic process. Trust it. Your pain is keeping you from discovering the powerful you waiting on the other side of it. When you find yourself being pulled down into that hole of sadness, that is a sign for you to pay attention to--this means you are near something that is like a cork holding in the next wonderful person you are about to become. We hang on to our pain sometimes because we are so afraid of the change, the unknown gift underneath it. I know that sounds wierd--why would we want to hang on to something that makes us feel so awful. Have your therapist explain it to you. Just know: You are young and clearly very brave: go for it!  
while you're at it: have you thought about drawing your feelings?  Good luck, a sister sufferer also on the road to a new me!

[coowithit]

Dear Pickle:

I know exactly how you fee b/c when I was your age, I felt  exactly the same way.  My parents had to move several times.  Consequently, I had a lot of diffculty making friends.  Actually, I had no friends.  I felt awkward and alone, and for the life of me, I could not fit in at school, and hated being at home b/c my parents could not understand what I was going through. I fantasized for almost all my teen age years about how I was going to end my life.  But I didn't have the guts.

Fast foward two decades.  I graduated highscool (only after dropping out for a year).  I graduated from college (it took 6 yrs).  I graduated from law school.  I've traveled Europe. I've fallen out of an airplane.  I took up painting and baking this year.  Bottom line: I am happy now.  

So what changed.  I never gave up on me.  I wanted a better life than my parents lived.  I wanted to say I could do it even though so many people in my life never believed I could be some one.  

Equally important, I learned to put my life in perspective.  This took me a lot of practice. You see, when you are young everything seems like such a big deal.  The fact that your teachers stink is a big deal (but trust me, you'll get new teachers) the fact the student's at school are mean is a big deal (believe me, you will run into more than one mean person in the world), the fact that you never get asked out (there will be plenty of time for dating).  To some extent, you cannot control other peoples actions but you can control your response and how you think.

Remember the following:
If you think about all the bad stuff, then naturally, you will feel bad.

If you start thinking about what you want out of your life, and work toward that, you wil feel better about yourself and your life.  

Avoid people who put you down, are negative, or are always complaining.

When you feel sad, try to figure out what's really bothering you and then see what it is you can do to fix the situation.  Sometimes, there is nothing you can do, but many times there is.

Eat healthy and exercise.  It sounds silly but it makes a big difference.  Studies show that exercise can help boost your mood.

As for the meds.  I know what I'm about to say is controversial.  But if you feel bad from taking the meds tell your doctor that you don't want to take them.  Eventually, the meds will have side affects that will adversly affect your body.  Every friend I had that took medication for their depression had a bad physcial reaction and unfortunately, it did not cure their depression.    I know meds help alot of people.  But in the end, it's your body and you need to decide what's best for you.

Best wishes to you and remember, you are not alone!!! It just feels that way sometimes. :)

[pickleperson421]

i need friends. no kids live around me, so icant just randomly call them up (everyone in my school, where i dont even have friends,. like in towns 1/2 hour away basicly at least.)
theres one girl i really like , she thinks im funny and shes fun to be around, but im just so shy and self-concious. im always really nervous around her friends and all, theyre nothin like me (im really akward, im wierd, im actually loud but im so shy i seem quiet. im not like anyone else in my school or anything. im different) and one of them thinks im always being mean to her, and im truthfully not sure where shes coming from.

this doesnt have much to do with my other entries, but it does. like in gym, im really not athletic, i always mess up. then when they walk away i keep thinking i hear my name and all. but when i mess up i dont care that i messed up, i FREAK OUT because they sdaw me. and i love to draw, once i was doodlin and i ended up with a drawing of the girl thats really nice that i like. she saw me, asked if she could have it, and i was really messed up. i felt so akward. but the things with that is i went home wanting to DI E or hurt my self or something, etc.

i need help with so many things

my ADHD meds help, kinda. well, when i dont take them i feel HORRIBLE, which makes me think it works cuz im fine when i have it. ill post later, bye!

[OTuathal]

When you are older you will understand what I am about to tell you: being your age is the worst part of being alive!  High school and the pressure to be cool rots. At your age everythin matters way too much. It's doesn't help when you feel you are the biggest geek in the school, or the fact that you are new. Here's a clue: everyone else is just as worried about looking stupid to everyone else--it's a huge cosmic joke. One you will get over as you mature. For right now it feels like death everytime you think someone saw you doing something less than cool. you need to push past your fear and try to make some connections. play to your strong suit: you are artistic--join, or start, the Art club at your school or in your community.

the last post (coolwithit) gives some good advice: exercise is the best way to ward off depression (and it helps you become more coordinated!). As for your meds: if what you are taking is making you feel worse, absolutely talk to the doc. There are all kinds of meds you can try. But Coolwihtit is right; they don't cure anything. Depression meds are for evening out the highs and lows while you work on your issues in therapy. Therapy is what works. I know this as a therapist-in-training and a patient!  Anytime you have concerns about your meds, ask; it's your right as a patient to have all the information.  

[pickleperson421]

im not in high school, im in middle school. im going to be in eighth grade next year.
i go to a private school, and my entire grade consists of 21 people (1 class, 21 people in the class). everyone is really close, and every1 has friends (even my friend from our other school. shes new this year too).
       i'm (almost) coordinated, but when im nervous and i feel under lots of pressure i    spaz and forget stupid rules to a game, making myself look like a fool. my gym teacher will be like "well, if you had run, you might have made it" and when we played capture the flag and i was jail gaurd im really bad at it. ive HEARD people say, after id just messed up, she needs to pay attention. when i htought tyhere was someone behind me.
  I dont wanna be cool. im an individual, i take wierd as a compliment, etc. i have lots of friends like that too, but i have my own issues. i dont know what to say now, so ill just wait and see if anyone else posts. maybe ill start going to the gym again.

O ya: i am fat, but i am not overweight. im at a very good weight for my height. but i feel uncomfortable in anything i wear, especially nice clothes. i wear boys clothes because i feel uncomfortable in girls ones, they dont fit me or look good on me etc. ill be back later to check on this. bye (for real this time)!

[OTuathal]

you have some good resistance going. I'm going to try one more time. Your age is tough. everything is taken far too seriously. it will get better as you get older and are more willing to own who you are. which I see signs of you struggling to do already. exercise will help to "ground" you: keep you attached to your body and to the "here and now" --so you can stay focused on where you are and what you are doing. I wasn't suggesting that "cool" was a goal for you to reach, my point was: you feel everyone is judging everything you do--first, that's how everyone feels at your age (which is why they'd have to pay me billions to be your age again); second--you're not that important! and what I mean by that is, relax, no one will remember that you messed up the volley ball game a month from now, and if they do: they're the horse's behinds, not you.

right now it sounds like you are just very uncomfortable in your own skin--that's typical for your age. (I don't know if it helps to hear you are "normal" and going through some really very normal stuff???)  again, play to your strong suits when it comes to making connections: be artsy, be you--don't go out of your way to be weird just to be weird--work on being genuine and you'll never go wrong. remember to breath when you get flustered.

as far as the therapy, did anything I say about the process make sense to you? that you need to push through the fear, because the pain and fear are gatekeepers leading you to (keeping you out of) the truth of you. this truth is your power--have the courage to work with your shrink and get your work done while you are young!  what an amazing life you'll have if you face these fears and deal with them now!

and work out the problems with your meds, too!

[pickleperson421]

i dont mean to be saying you are not helpful you are. and im not trying to "resist" im gonna stop posting from now on, since i obviosly dont know what to say or how to say it. goodbye.