I think about suicide at least once a day

[HouseAtreides]

why cant I get these thoughts out of my head. I feel like an idiot I feel useless. I cant work because I am in so much pain. I can barely walk I cant pay my bills and yet social security tells me I am not disabled I am taking so much pain meds that are prescribed to me but I still cant get any relief. I truly think I would rather be dead than in pain and useless. I don't go outside for days on end because walking is so hard. The things I did enjoy I cant do. I just want this to stop, so please give me one that's all I need is one reason to continue with this torture that my body and my life has turned into.

[feffy53]

I wish you could get help. Pain is horrible to have to live with. I do not know what to tell you. I have back and leg pain and all the doctor say is it will be better if you loose weight and exercise. Okay maybe I could exercise if I was not in pain. I take Bayer back and body and do lots of stretching when I can. Take care

[butterfly_2014]

You need to have faith that things will get better. Its easier said than done but that's all I can offer... You need to find a DR that is really going to investigate the pain and the issue so you can be given the appropriate solution. Don't give up.

[krisnile]

Hi there sweetie, omg I've been were your at!!! One good reason ( get wright with god ) are you on any depression meds? If so what kind? If your not you need to talk to your doctor about getting on them! And way are you in so much pain?

[nursegirl6572]

Oh, buddy...I'm SO sorry you're going through so much!  It sounds dreadful!  

I could give you many many many reasons that suicide isn't an option, but I bet you already know what they all are.  Life certainly can deal us a crappy deck sometimes, but that doesn't mean your situation is forever, even though, in the moment, it sure feels that way.

If I may ask, what is your pain from?  Do you have a more permanent way to address it, like surgery?  Pain pills really weren't MADE for chronic, severe pain, mainly because of the issues of tolerance and dependency.  And actually, chronic use of opiates (especially at high doses) can actually cause you to feel MORE pain.  It's a condition called opiate induced hyperalgesia.  Do some reading about it.  Here's just one article I found:

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/765277_2

If you google it, you will find all kinds of information about it.  So, in essence, the very treatment you're relying on to help you may be causing you MORE problems.  That isn't to say that you could go without the opiates, but it CAN mean that you may need a different medication regimen.

I know you're in a deep dark place, and who would blame you?  You're getting kicked while you're down!  However, just like any other kind of problem solving....you need to make a plan, and start addressing the issues one at a time. It's hard to take the emotions out of it, but that's kind of what you need to do.  Handle things in a FACTUAL, logical manner.  

***It goes without saying that the number ONE thing on the following list should be seeking EMERGENT help should you really be concerned you may harm yourself.  Don't take any chances...err on the side of caution if you're not sure.***

1.  Income.  Obviously, you cannot function and live without an income.  Your pain issues are making work impossible (what do you do?).  Are you still currently employed?  Have you talked to your employer about a modified duty kind of job, until your pain is better managed?  

Have you talked to a lawyer about helping you apply for SSI?  I've heard that getting SSI isn't easy, and it often takes several attempts, and having a lawyer handle it for you may yield a much better (and quicker) outcome.  There are lots of attorneys who specialize in SSI cases, do some searching in your area, and set up a few consultations.  Most times, lawyers will offer a free initial consultation to discuss your case.  You will probably have to show him/her your medical documentation, so if you haven't already, you would want to obtain all of your medical records.  So, get the ball rolling on that for sure.

2.  Pain.  Your pain isn't being properly managed, obviously.  I'm not sure of the NATURE of your pain, but like I said above, the fact that you're on high dose opiates may be a BIG part of the problem.  Do you see a pain management doctor?  I would recommend having a discussion with him/her about your pain level...and also seek out consultations with specialists who may offer you a fresh perspective regarding treatment options (depending on your condition....you would want to look into seeing a surgeon, orthopedist, neurologist, etc).  Once you can manage your pain better, your quality of life will drastically improve.  If you can manage to function on a much lower dose of your pain meds, that will help your overall mental state as well, as opiates cause a lot of roller coaster ups and downs with mood, sleep, etc.

3.  Mental health.  Even if you feel you don't need URGENT help (ie being suicidal), you still need to seek out professional help to start tackling all of the stress, and depression.  You're going through a lot...you need the guidance and support of a professional who can help you cope better day to day, while you're working on the other issues.

We're here for you...keep talking to us, okay?  I sincerely hope you start making some headway on these issues.  As you DO, you'll start to feel more hopeful.  NO ONE is a hopeless case.  Some cases are just more difficult than others.  Unfortunately, you've got more than ONE hurdle to overcome, which makes you feel very overwhelmed.  That's NORMAL...as I said, who WOULDN'T feel the way you do going through what you're going through?

Please keep in touch, okay?  And again, PLEASE seek help ASAP if you're in danger of harming yourself.  It isn't the answer, I promise.  You're in my thoughts and prayers.