I think i am depressed. TIRED OF TRYING

[bloochick]

i dont know where to start. i have been feeling down since February, which is when my boyfriend/bestfriend went off to basic training for the army. My weight drastically changes, some time is cant stop eating other times i wont eat at all, my hair is falling out, my head hurts non stop, im always sad or angry, and i dont sleep. I hate feeling like this! I hate constantly being in my room shutting myself away from everybody because they make me angry. And i hate being angry at my family, specially my mom. And the crazy thing is, i dont understand why i get so angry at her which makes me cry. And to figure im only 18! Just graduated high school, hoping to get in to a University and turns out i cant. im not "qualified" for any of the 7 i applied for which broke my heart in ways you couldn't believe. It feels like my whole family is disappointed in me which makes me even more disappointed in myself. I try to get my self back on track by attening a technical college in 3weeks to earn 30 credit hours and a better GPA so i will be able to hopefully start at a University in 2011 spring or summer but that was also a fail. On the course placement test i thought i did so well, but failed everything. Which sets me back alot, so i wont be able to start a university until fall 2012. I dont know what is wrong with me, why am i so stupid? People say you are smart you just didnt try hard, but I DID!!! im just sick of trying and making my mother and family disappointed in me. I cant do any thing right. im almost 19 and havent had my first JOB! and i have been trying to get one since 15. all my life i hear the same thing "IM SORRY BUT YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED".i wish i was more like my best friend Mariah, she has everything i want, the brains, the looks, the parents, EVERYTHING. and everybody is so proud of her and my brother told me i should be more like her. i hate my self so much, everything i do is wrong and im always 3 steps behind. Only time I feel relieve is when i talk to my boyfriend or see him. But after next month i wont see him for a year because he is going to Iraq (question: if they said they  are pulling troops from iraq why are they still sending them?). But i just want an alternative, or some help, a shoulder to cry on, a hug or something! I feel so alone because it seems like no one has anytime for me to just listen to what i feel. And i am afraid to ask because i dont think any one wants to hear my problem when they might have some of their own. I wish i can go talk to and psychiatrist but money is a big issue in this house. Please, someone just talk to me.

Thank You.

[alvaa]

Amanda is right. I work in a low-income mental health center. They are out there. I, too, am having a bout of depression right now and I know how you feel, like nothing is good in the future, etc. As far as the school situation. I flunked out of college right out of high school. I was a sub-par C student in high school. I took on some pretty low jobs and eventually went back to school and earned my bachelors degree in computers. When it comes to that, don't be in a rush. I didn't graduate until I was 31 years old.

[amanda714]

"I wish i can go talk to and psychiatrist but money is a big issue in this house."  I may have some good news for you.  There are many organizations that offer psychotherapy for free or at low cost for those of low income.  I suggest you try researching for such organizations within your area.  Also, now that you are in college, schools usually have a psychologist and psychiatrist on campus for students.  At the college that I attended, meeting with the school's doctors came at no charge because the fees were already covered under the tuition and service fees that you pay for school admission.  You can definitely discuss topics such as: emotional eating, loneliness, anger and aggression with a mental health professional.  I hope you are able to find the help you are looking for.

[edwardcullen114]

The reason that you can't stop eating is due to someone you love or are very close to is not with you so you eat a lot to fill the empteyness in your heart.