Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

I want to die but I worry about my daughter

My father killed himself years ago and I was half way around the world away from home and never blamed myself but now I just broke up with my wife and I just don't want to go on anymore. I worry that my adult daughter might blame herself for my choice. She know that my wife was cheating and there is no chance of fixing the marriage and I have filed for divorce based on adultery. We have been apart for a couple of months but I see myself going downhill fast. I have not been to work for the last two weeks and now I don't want to go outside because I don't want to tell another person why my wife is not with me. I did talk to a shrink last week but only felt worse after I left the office. My daughter lives in another state and it's just not doable to live closer but she wants me to move close to or even in with her. I am afraid if I follow my dad and I stop my pain what does it do to her. She does not know how my father died as I always told her it was an accident but if I can't stage the perfect accident she will know that my death was not an accident. She calls me every day and sometimes two or three times a day. I think she suspects I am tired with life and I want to quit. Funny part is I miss my wife so much and going to bed without talking or touching is the worst time of the day
6 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Please don't hurt yourself friend. There is still so much to live for. Your daughter does love you so much.
Helpful - 0
1551327 tn?1514045867
I do not know whether this story ended in this person ending their life and it hurt me to read this after waking up.  Jmurf,you have no obligation to let us know you are ok but I hope you do and I hope you are.
For anyone else reading this I hope you understand that you are allowed to feel weak but don't let yourself believe that you are weak.  If you need help just ask for it and you will find it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Jmurf, please don't do anything or make a decision now. I know what it's like to want to stop the pain once and for all. You don't have a therapist or a good psychiatrist right now. Here are numbers you can call to talk to someone that cares and will listen without judgement....that's all they are there for.  You don't have to feel better right now...just reach out for help.

Call 1-800-SUICIDE / 1-800-784-2433 
Call 1-800-273-TALK / 1-800-273-8255
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Another crappy night and this morning is hard to get going. I have always solved everyone else's problem and I can only see one way to fix this one. She will get the house and her boyfriend will be sleeping in my bed but I will be over her at last. I do not want to hurt anymore and this is my choice. I do thank you for giving me a place to voice my pain and the offers of help but I am tired of crying all day so hard I make myself vomit. I just want the hurt to go away. I will not be posting anymore here. Goodbye one and all goodbye
Helpful - 0
1551327 tn?1514045867
You really need to get out some and don't let yourself be a prisoner to the house.  One of the main things that is bothering you is the absence of that affection and I know how hard it can be at night.  I went through the same thing a few years ago and I lost a wife and two young kids all in the same breath taking moment when I found out she was cheating on me.
For me it ultimately took going to treatment.  Doing this forced me to be around other people and allowed me to open up and deal with my problems in a safe environment.  If this is not an option for you or you refuse to do it then I hope you have a support system in your life that you can turn to.  A mentor or group or anyone that you can talk to.  For now at least keep checking back here and it is a safe place for you to open up but stop thinking of hurting yourself.  I did attempt it a couple of times and it didn't work, I am glad.  You may not be as lucky as I was.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
start talking venting checking in with me you need a hane and someone to not let you fall over the edge

think of your daughter what it would do to her!!

think of the people you think dont care but in reality they care more than you think and then they say

i dont push or ask religion

but when i have had those thoughts i remember where im going if i do that

do you have city or other parks near you if you do go to one without people

sit in the grass feel life around you listen to relaxing music

if you got a bike just get on it and go for a couple hours towns then back home

if its a home you share stay with a friend relative or hotel

my exwife screwed the town i think

then had her boyfriend and 3 others ambushed me while her boy toy beat me with a steel bar the other 3 just made sure i didnt fight back or they would jump in he beat me good i got permanent shoulder damage from that

i have been there it hurts how could that b#@ i treated like a queen do that to me

so much hurt so much where did i go wrong or could have done better

its them not us

and im here and will be forever if you need someone whose been through it

the forum has more who have been through it and can help you

focus on the good no matter how hard it is to think anything positive at this point

good luck
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Depression Community

Top Mood Disorders Answerers
Avatar universal
Arlington, VA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.