I was molested as a child and my mother still doesn't believe me

[iris986]

When i was 8 yrs old my step-father started molesting me,it continued until i was 17 yrs old. I was a shy kid. The last time he tried i finally had the guts to hit him square between the eyes and tell him to get the **** out of my room,my mother had just gone into her room so i knew she heard me,she didn't even bother to help me.

My sister and I told my mother at the end of the school year that year,she didn't believe us and to this day she still doesn't believe what he did to us. He recently died on July 18th,2009 and he took it to his grave with him and never admitted the truth to my mother. My mother calls me crying because she lost her husband and i have no sympathy to give to her.I sit and listen and it makes me sick she can grieve over a man that has caused her children so much hurt. My life has been hell because of him. Emotionally i am a wreck. I have been to counseling 3 times but it doesn't help.

My mother and i have been in so many fights over this,today she calls me and starts putting my husband down because he won't say he sorry she lost her husband, I told her he is protecting me and he doesn't have to say anything to her. She asked me some of the details of what happened to me by my step-father and i told her the details,she couldn't even tell me she was sorry but she made a point of telling me the only way she would believe me is if i took a lie detector test,I am her daughter i shouldn't have to. Why would i lie for 29 years? I am 46 yrs old and it makes me sick that my own mother doesn't believe me. She doesn't even remember the right time i told her she said it was after i ran away and it wasn't.

My step-father was a abusive man he not only did he beat us but molested me and my brother and only touched my sister and her friend once. My brother left and went to live with my real dad because of my step-dad.

[mammo]

Hi, my God it's like you are writing my story!  I went thru the same thing with my father and oldest brother.  I never went to my mom, I think I knew she wouldn't believe me.  But she had to wonder where he went in the middle of the night, and had to have known.  I left home at 17 to get away from all 3 of them.  My mother never had a good thing to say about me, and I couldn't stand the thought of looking at my dad.  When I was 25, my younger sister came to me, and told me that my dad was doing the same to her.  Before I had a chance to say anything, my mom called to tell me that my sister had told her.  She also thought my sister was lying and was actually angry at her!  I told my mom, "well, you need to believe it, because he did it to me!"  She hung up on me.  The next night, both my parents died in a car accident.  I was sad about my mom, but didn't understand why?  After going to therapy I found out that I was not grieving for my mom, but rather for "what might have been".  So long as she was alive, I had this hope that someday we could be close, but with her gone, knew this could never happen.  It made sense to me, and my grief ended.  I was told by my therapist to go to the grave sites and curse them both for all they'd done to me.  I went, felt absolutely nothing, and decided they weren't worth my time.  I came to the conclusion that none of this was my fault, and my dad was a sicko.  I decided that I would not be a victim any longer, and not allow them to cause me any more pain from the grave.  It was over and done with, I couldn't change it, it was their problem not mine.  You and I had no choices as kids, but as adults we do, and we can choose to allow what happened make us miserable, or accept that we did nothing wrong, and move forward.  My husband is glad he never met my parents, and would have acted even worse than your husband.  Kudos to him for sticking up for you!  Your mother will never accept or believe this, and has made a choice of who and what she wants to believe, and is putting you and your sister second in her life!  I'd kill someone that messed with my daughter, as I'm sure you would also. A lie detector test????  I can't believe she would say this to her daughter!  I think your relationship with your mom is a toxic one, and not doing you any good.  Maybe it's time you take a break from her.  How can she expect you to feel bad over someone dying that killed your childhood, and put you thru hell?  Maybe tell her you love her, but are very hurt by her attitude, and not believing you, and that until she can accept what a monster her husband was you don't want any contact.  I know it's hard, but she is keeping you upset, and it's time for you to have some peace.  She loved/loves this man, and maybe only time will make her see the light, if ever.  Do what is best for you, and don't allow that scum of a step-father to have any more power over you!  You did nothing wrong, you were a victim, choose not to be one any longer, and take back your power.  You're in a difficult situation with your mom, and only you know how much you want her to be a part of your life.  I hope you can do what is needed so that you can finally have peace, and happiness in your life.  I know all the feelings you've endured, and how lousy it can make you feel.  I used my parents as examples of how I didn't want to raise my children, and I raised 3 wonderful kids.  I now look back and it feels as if I was never a part of them, I have no anger, no bitterness, just nothing.

[iris986]

I don't know why i find it so hard to let go! I want my mother back as i keep telling her. I want a relationship with her.

I can't have a relationship with my real father not after what he said to me when i was 32 yrs old, see i was raped by a guy from a club that was supposedly taking me out to breakfast,this was 1 month before i met my husband now that i have been with for 14 yrs and my father sent my step-mother to come pick me up at the hospital, when we got home he wouldn't even touch me. the next day he told me it was my fault and that i better not press charges. My step-mom stood up for me and told him he needed to keep his mouth shut that i had done nothing wrong. It severed our relationship and i haven't talked to him in a long time. The guy got 10 yrs probation and 10 yrs rape counseling and 500.00 he paid the state and i got nothing to help me thru it.

Can you believe molested, abused by husband #1,and raped and thyroid cancer. Whats next?. And they say god never gives you anymore than you can handle.

[Hensley258]

What a horrible thing for you to endure. Too bad that jerk isn't still alive because then perhaps with your sister as a witness you could bring legal action against him.

Sounds like he is exactly where he needs to be right now, "Hell."

Your Mother is probably just in complete denial. Only you can decide if you want to keep relations with her any longer. If it was me I probably would not ever talk to my Mother if she did not beleive me about such a serious sublect.

I hope that you have been able to find good therapy so you can talk out some of your past trauma.

That is a lot of trauma for a young girl to handle.

While were on the subjet...... There is an older man that lives a couple homes down from me and I just know he is molesting two very young girls in the neighborhood, I just can't prove it.

My other neighbors have seen "fishy" things too and we all agree that he is absolutly molesting these girls. Problem is that we just can't prove it.

I tried to talk to one of the girls mothers at her house about the subject, but her mother didn't even sound like she cared! She just lets this poor girl (9 years old) just go anywhere at any time of the day or night with no question.

I want to bring it to the police, but I just can't prove it and the girls aren't talking.

I have a daughter of my own and I want this scum bag to be exposed for what he really is.

[mammo]

If I were you, I'd contact the police and tell them of your suspicions, and the one girl's mother's attitude.  CPS may investigate her home, and the police will keep an eye on this man, even question him to determine if is a convicted pedopfile.

[mammo]

I truly understand, and life can seem so unfair!  Unless you can accept that your mother will probably be in denial for a long time, if not forever, you've got to let either what happened go, or your mother.  The two don't mix.  You trying to convince your mother of what happened is not working, and is only hurting you more.  It sounds like you are doing all the reaching out to her, she needs to be reaching for you.  Her children are all she has, and yet she chooses to treat you this way?  Sometimes the more we try to have a relationship with someone, the more the person pulls away (thinking you will always be there).  She needs to realize that you have been deeply hurt, and she has some fences to mend, and you're not going to wait around.  This will give her time to miss you, and do some thinking.  No matter what she has allowed to happen to you, and with all her denial, you are still there and trying. She knows that you desperately want her in your life, and she has no reason to be in any hurry to resolve these issues.  I hope you can get some therapy and get past the anger, as these men are still making your life miserable, and they should not be hurting you any longer.  I wish you luck with this.

[iris986]

I stopped talking to my mother for 2 years and it that time it didn't change her mind at all. She would talk bad about me to my sister and tried her hardest to turn my own child against me. They have my daughter so convinced it didn't happen that she formed a tight bond with him and was there at his death bed with my mother when he died.

Only recently has my daughter started telling me she is sorry for the way my mother treats me.

Today my mother has called twice already and i am going to keep ignoring the calls, I have decided i don't need her in my life. She is a constant reminder of what happened and that she didn't protect me.

I think i am going to change work fields and go into child psychology.Maybe i can help more kids try to deal with the after effects of what has happened to them. It is a field that i have thought many times over the last 14 years i would get into but never had the time to do it,maybe now is the time.

[mammo]

Your mother has some major problems, which are not your's to solve.  You have made not only a big decision, but a very good one.  It sounds as if she is never going to change, and will only continue to make your life miserable, and appears to thrive on your misery!  I think you would make a good child psychologist, as you have been there, and will understand.  I wish I had the opportunity to do this myself.  But instead I come on these blogs and try to offer support in any way I can.  I suspect your mother's next step will be to try and put you on a guilt trip for cutting her out of your life, don't allow her to do this.  SHE has cut herself out of your life with her selfish actions.  Good luck in your endeavors................

[iris986]

Thank you for the support, this is a time when i really need it. Tears come to often and it hurts my husband to see me this way. I wish my sister and my brother would stand up to her and tell her what happened to them but they just want the past to go away so they just deal with her.

I have recently started going to church again,but everytime i go i end up crying at church. I don't understand why i do.