there is a pain in this world far worse than most people can imagine. Looks like you feel thatpain. The feeling of worthlessness, like you have never been, and never will be any good to anybody. Trust me, I have it too. It's like hell. I don't know much about hell but i'm sure it's something like this. The only thing I know is i'm not going to kill myself, as much as i want to, I know i'm not. I'm too much of a *****. but god it sounds good doesn't it?
I have not felt your pain... but, I know (and love) someone whose pain sounds just like yours. So, I know what I'm talking about when I say... people like you are better people than you give yourselves credit for. There is a place for everyone... you do belong.
You wrote what many people think but are too afraid to post.
From what you wrote it sounds as though you have borderline personality disorder.
Have you seen a psychiatrist and/ or a therapist and do you have a diagnosis?
Proper diagnosis and treatment can make all the difference.
If you're interested you could look up the dsm-iv for diagnostic criteria of bpd.
It also sounds as though you may be depressed.
You posted because that little healthy part of you wants help and wants things to be better. You did the right thing by posting.
I think you should strongly consider talking to a health professional about how you feel. Feel free to ask questions and post comments here.
You and your life are worthy, and you need to recognize this. You need to get professional help, as it is the only way. Suicide is not the answer, and not the end, but maybe the beginning of something much worse. You say you have desires, it's never too late to start focusing on these. So what if at the moment you feel you have nothing going for you, it's not to late to get started on something. You can't move forward if you're still hanging onto the past, you need to let go of anything negative in your past, it's over, you can't change it. But you do have control over today and the rest of your life. Never allow others to make you doubt yourself, but most of all, you must not doubt yourself. You were put on this earth for a reason and it's not to feel the way you do. We all make mistakes in life, and do all thru life, but we must learn from them and move on, and not allow them to make us feel worthless. You sound very bright, and I feel you do want to live and be happy. You just need some guidance, all of us here have been thru this period when it all feels like too much, but it doesn't have to be this way. Please seek help, I know you are strong and can do this. We are always here to listen and share our experiences, so know you're not alone. Take care.....
My sweet girl, That it the depression talking, please be aware of that. Believe me I have felt like that. Do you have friends or family that you can talk to about how you feel? Have you had professional advice? Please, please don't do anything to harm yourself. You are a unique person who deserves to live. You must stay on this site and let it all out, I know it helps. Write it all down for yourself somewhere. Let all that anger and frustration out. You may find that when you look back on that in a few months time, you will wonder how you could feel like that. Life is difficult, it is not easy for any of us.
Why are you sorry you signed up? Aren't you looking for some support? I don't believe you would have written here if you weren't looking for some reassurance.
Please let us know how you are. I worry about you. I care about you.
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