Im at my tipping point

[Sisterluv]

I've been severely depressed for a few years now. I feel alone in my own house. My parents don't understand and even though I have a younger sister she won't understand. I haven't been this sure of wanting to commit suicide since late in June. I was writing goodbye notes to my parents and my sister. Then one day my parents had some weird intervention type thing for me and all they did was yell at me. My dad called me weak and my mom said I need to grow a pair, etc. it was just them hanging up on me and i was defensive the whole time. It even made my anger worse, so their little conversation didn't help anything. My dad is retired military so he say I'm just weak minded and don't know how to cope with anything. All this really hurt because they're supposed to be helping me not making me feel worse. I just feel so angry and sad all the time. I can go days without hardly talking to anyone and my parents get angry at me. They even made fun of the whole suicide thing before. My dad said "what? Are you gonna kill yourself?" Then he started laughing like it's just nothing. I wanted to say yes because that's what I really want to do but I just said no. I know I'm not a weak person, but I just can't deal with this anymore. I feel weird talkin to my parents because they don't know how to communicate. They make everything awkward. They don't talk to me about anything. I'm 17 years old and my dad still turns the volume down on radio station commercials that talk about make enhancement pills. I'm by no means too young to hear that. He just feels awkward about that and so does my mom. It pisses me off. I have to find everything out from the internet and from people in the streets and tv etc. They can't even communicate with each other so it's pointless. I'm alone. No family to listen. No friends that actually give a crap.  I'm alone in a house full of people and I'm scared I'm really going to hurt myself for real this time.

[Bubulous]

I have been there and I can tell you that more often than not we do not want to take our lives; we just want to stop the pain.  It is important for you top find support because the more times you reach out for help and get criticism the more serious self harm thoughts become.  I hope that your aunt can help but don't stop there.  Always tell yourself:  "I'll try one more time."  

[Sisterluv]

I called my aunt even though I really didn't want to, and I'm going to try and talk to her. I just don't want to tell her this stuff in confidence and then she goes back and tells my parents everything I said.

[Sisterluv]

I

[Lovejc]

I'm so sorry you feel so alone and hopeless dear one...Jesus is near to the broken hearted & to those who are crushed in spirit, He will help you if you ask Him:) I know because He is there for me all the time, when no one else understands...call on His name & He will rescue you out of the pit of despair! He loves you & wants a relationship with you that is greater than any in this world. He will give you the love your heart longs for, just like He did for me:) Jesus is real and He came to give life...He is only a prayer away. Read the gospel of john in the New Testament of the bible if you have one...I hope you do:) He gives grace & mercy to the humble hearted...He will never let you down...I know, He has never failed me:) He loves & accepts you right where you are...praying for you dear one! X o x o

[nursegirl6572]

Aw sweetie, I'm so sorry you're hurting and your parents not only don't understand, but they've made you feel worse.

Depression has NOTHING to do with being weak minded, that's a very closed minded, ignorant frame of mind.  You definitely need to seek professional help for how you're feeling.  Is there another trusted adult you could turn to that could help you do that?  A grandparent, aunt, uncle?  I really think that's the key to you addressing the way you feel, and who knows, one days, maybe your parents will be able to attend a therapy session with you, so the therapist can educate them about what depression is, and how they're brand of "help" is anything but.

Harming yourself isn't the answer, hon.  I know it feels like things are hopeless, but I assure you they're not.  If you feel you may hurt yourself, seek immediate help, go to the ER, or call 911, whatever you have to do.

Please look for a support person to help you find a mental health professional.  Don't focus on your parents for now.  I know it hurts that they aren't supportive in a way that you need them to be, but that's not your job to fix them.  Hopefully, at some point, they will come around.  Talking to them only frustrates you, so again, I would encourage you to find someone else to turn to.

Please keep us updated, okay?

[Byrdmama]

Here's the deal, my 15 year old daughter suffered from depression. I know for a fact that if you are suicidal at any point, you have the right to call 911 and let them know you need help . No parent can stop them from coming out and helping you. Also, you are so close to being of age, soon you will be able to pick and choose the people in your life who will love and support you, it won't be like this for ever.Your parents may never "get it"...but this world is so full of people who do!  I am not sure if you have tried medication and therapy, but these things are available to you, they have saved my daughter's life !

[Sisterluv]

Thank you...I did want to go see a therapist but my parents got angry. My dad said ok at first then yelled at me seconds later saying stuff like I need to be talking to them, and he doesn't know why I don't talk to them.
I feel more comfortable talking to complete strangers than my own parents and that's saying something. I haven't talked for 2 days now and my parents are all at work. They'll see me being like this and they just ignore me and think it's just another "moment". Since I've been this low before. So I have a feeling if I keep feeling like this I'm just going to get bashed and screamed at again. All I can do is sit there and take it. Because if I try to defend myself I end up being disrespectful to them. They both gang up on me and all my anger and pain comes out in crying and a raised voice. They just think I'm being a baby.

[Mdeadstar]

I had horrible parents growing up. I was the baby, but my brother who is a year older got all the attention.  No matter what I did I was wrong. He could lie and I was punished. My parents didn't care, my dad was an assistant that if one of his kids showed promise he had to end it. I was asked to skip second grade and go into third... my dad made them hold me back to repeat first. In high school I was asked to be moved to gifted I dad had them put me in the SLD classes. I tried suicide at 12 for attention.  It worked for a week then it went right back.at 22 my first son was born. I was happy. I loved him at first  sight.  My now ex, then explain that she got pregnant on purposes.  She stopped pills and ruined Condoms.the 12 weeks after her c-section she said the way I acted then, I did everything, is what she wanted from me. She ,got to do what she wanted and I had to take care of baby, work, get up with baby to night, go to college,  and do all house and yard work . I was mad but I loved my son. One day while watching tv.. enjoying the time as my son napped on my chest she came home and was pissed. how could I watch TV while he slept. I should have done nothing or found chores to do so before my 10th our work day started, then 5 hours of school, I should have used that time so that after  grueling 3 hour shift she could do nothing.  I spend an hour of her using my son to trap me as she hit me with broom hanndles qnd whatever else.My life had hit a low... I loved my son but I was done. I got a razor. I cut my chest for one side to another. Blood was everywhere, I felt my life drain and it gave me joy to no end to know I was about to end it all. I closed my eyes and made a few practice attempts for my artery... it was at this point my life changed. To spare a lot of details. 8th ours later I woke in the  bathroom  with a blade at my neck. Yet so much was clear to  me. Suicide was not going to fix anything. My ex wouldnt, and may family was a useless as ever. I made  vow that I am not my pst. I am not what I was taught.  I will learn from it. Today I am happier than ever, my life has been work but once I realized that I choose me. I choose who I am, what I am, and where I am going I found help where before none exisisted. I learned from my past. Sure the emotional abuse as a child could hurt me, watching my parents snort all the money to fix our house so I grew up in a home with no walls, seeing my parents fight and berate me.. all could have been wasted. I could have said hey I had a bad childhood let me do drugs.. people would understand .. but no I did not want to be what I hated. I was no going to waste the horrible parenting they did... I learned from it. I learned how not to act. What not to do. I found the good ND focused on that.
your life means a great deal. You will do great things, and by not living it you will miss them al. True love, true friendship,  true family.. blood is not family. Family is support when you need it, caring when your sad, help even though you don't ask, support when you fail even if you created it all. Help to move on  and the love and guidance to lead you to your dreams... I do not know you, but I do care. If u took your life the world looses a person  who could do anything. Dreams go unfulfilled and the lives you bless or would bless go empty. I know it all seems bad now. Hope is gone, and everyone you feel that a should care doesnt. I promise that you can make a better life. You can have true family, and you will look back at the thought of this and say.. my god.. I could have lost this alll. You will loo, back and  enjoy happy you choose life. If you need I will talk with you, or I will find someone else you feel comfortable talking to.where your safe, it's free, and no matter what you say u won't end up committed... please be smart,, I'll litsen, I'll help.. contact me at ***@**** or through here..