Aa
I'm depressed but have no reason to be
Really I have a very good life and am unbelievably grateful for everything I have (family, friends, so on) but sometimes (usually at night when I'm alone) I start to cry and then I can't stop. One night, I was at a party and got really drunk and then when it was over I went to my friends house with her because I was sleeping over at hers and then I started crying and crying and crying and she tried to comfort me and hug me. Partly I pushed her away and partly I hugged her back. I was also saying a lot of bad things about myself and basically putting myself down. My friends foot was hurt and her mother (we're kinda close) asked me to make sure that my friend doesn't stand so much. I did take care of her a little bit but not enough. So while crying I said things like "I'm a horrible friend, I'm so sorry" and then just generally "I'm a ****** person, everything I do is worthless" and so on (I'm sure you get the idea). I layed down on the sidewalk and just continued crying. My friend asked me what was wrong and then I said it hurts and pointed at my body. She asked me again later and I said the same thing again and again. It took me a long time to stop and even though I don't remember a lot of that night (my friend told me after I asked) I do remember the feeling of this pure physical and mental hurt all over my body as if it extended in every single cell of my body. I'm scared of this feeling because a little bit is inside me all the time. Just sometimes its like its released and then I can't put it back. Even though I hate it when its happening, sometimes during the day I want to let it out. I've had a long journey of mental health starting then I was about 10/11 (I'm 16 now) but mainly it's all about self-worth. I feel like I've hated myself all this time and when I was in 7th grade I wanted to kill myself. I stood at traffic lights and thought about running onto the street. I did confide in certain people in my life but I felt like I was troubling them and it did get better eventually and so I stopped talking about it and my family stopped talking about it. I called it my "depressed phase". After I was obssessed about losing weight. I started a "diet" were I basically replaced as much food as I could with tea. I was at a birthday party and started running laps after eating chips. I feel like this is all very typical teenage whatever but I don't know what to do. I could say more but honestly, I'm sure everyone knows the kind of things I'm talking about. (I also have brutal nightmares occacionally- mass shootings of my friends etc.) I just don't know what to do and I want it to end. I don't deserve to feel bad because there is nothing horrible enough happening to me for me to feel this way. Please just tell me what you think, thank you.
I know exactly how you feel
I'm 15 and I feel like life is just pointless, I drown at night in so many sad songs
Smoke a lot nowadays, losing friends because they feel I'm a drag, things like that you know
I'm 15 and I feel like life is just pointless, I drown at night in so many sad songs
Smoke a lot nowadays, losing friends because they feel I'm a drag, things like that you know
Depression is a reality that should be addressed. It has nothing to do with what you possess or what your interests and activities are. A lot of people suffer depression for no reason at all. A proper counselling session would be enough to tackle your problem. Cheers!
Depression isn't a reaction to anything -- you're confusing sadness to depression. Nobody knows what causes depression or anxiety or PTSD. A hundred people can go through the same thing and only one might suffer a chronic emotional reaction to it. People are just different, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you need help, you need help. Your history suggests something in your life has left you feeling insecure. Nobody can tell you why unless something traumatic happened that you aren't remembering, but you don't have to continue thinking that way. You can learn to think differently. Good luck.
Obviously you have low self worth sometimes. If you look at your life and compare it to others there is always going to be a problem. I am a veteran and when I returned from Iraq I had PTSD but didn't know it. Even when I was experiencing symptoms of it and my life was going to HE11 I would not allow myself to accept it because "I had not seen what other soldiers had seen." A lot of soldiers come back who have seen some tragic things but won't admit they have a problem because we compare ourselves to other soldiers thinking "well this guy had it worse" or "this guy killed a lot of people" and they are fine so there can't be something wrong with me.
I learned after I finally gave up and went to the psych hospital that it isn't just the ones who see and do the most horrific things who suffer from PTSD. I met soldiers who had horrible stories, yet they had a family, a job, and none of it seemed to bother them. I also met soldiers who just saw once incident and were totally messed up.
The point is- I don't care how perfect your life seems. There could still be a need for you to seek treatment because not only are all of us different, depression and mental problems are genetic and you could have received things like depression, bipolar, and so on from either your parents, their parents, their parents and so on.
There is a movie I would like you to see if you have not already. It is called "It's a funny story."
I believe you could relate to that and that movie would touch you. I am not going to tell you the whole thing but it is about a guy who has a great life but is still suicidal and depressed. It is noticed by his family and he is checked in to a mental institution for a week or so. Mental institutions have a stigma on them because of movies like "One flew over the cuckoo's nest" and others but a lot of them are not bad at all and can really help. Also seeing a therapist has a bad stigma but you should never be afraid to talk to one. Maybe even your guidance counselor. If this troubles you enough to come on here and tell us then it is a problem and unresolved problems do not go away, they get worse.
I am not saying you are batsh1t crazy but you may need to start seeing a therapist for a little while so that you can understand what is going on with you.
Anyway, if you get a chance watch that movie. I promise that it could change your life.
I learned after I finally gave up and went to the psych hospital that it isn't just the ones who see and do the most horrific things who suffer from PTSD. I met soldiers who had horrible stories, yet they had a family, a job, and none of it seemed to bother them. I also met soldiers who just saw once incident and were totally messed up.
The point is- I don't care how perfect your life seems. There could still be a need for you to seek treatment because not only are all of us different, depression and mental problems are genetic and you could have received things like depression, bipolar, and so on from either your parents, their parents, their parents and so on.
There is a movie I would like you to see if you have not already. It is called "It's a funny story."
I believe you could relate to that and that movie would touch you. I am not going to tell you the whole thing but it is about a guy who has a great life but is still suicidal and depressed. It is noticed by his family and he is checked in to a mental institution for a week or so. Mental institutions have a stigma on them because of movies like "One flew over the cuckoo's nest" and others but a lot of them are not bad at all and can really help. Also seeing a therapist has a bad stigma but you should never be afraid to talk to one. Maybe even your guidance counselor. If this troubles you enough to come on here and tell us then it is a problem and unresolved problems do not go away, they get worse.
I am not saying you are batsh1t crazy but you may need to start seeing a therapist for a little while so that you can understand what is going on with you.
Anyway, if you get a chance watch that movie. I promise that it could change your life.
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I can almost feel how miserable you are in your writing. I'd like for you to know that there is help out there and discussing these issues with a health care professional and maybe, perhaps taking some meds might be able to put things back into the proper perspective.
A lot of what you described about how you often feel is how I felt for so long of my life. Honestly, it was years wasted and useful time simply ignored. I had real physical pain and real pain in my head because of this.
Depression is no joke. Right before I reached out for help, I was discussing matters with my closest friend. I told him "I think I am depressed". he laughed in my face and said, "I was depressed once" and added "what do you have to be depressed about?"
Depressed once? Nope, not the way it works unless you want to call the 44 years I was depressed. Depression is every day or nearly every day, and its typically all day. Some of us muster the strength to plaster on a fake smile and somehow drag ourselves through the day and some are not even that lucky.
You mentioned alcohol use. I'm not going to lecture you on that. I used when I was 16. What I will say is, it really does affect the way you feel about yourself and your situation.
You also mentioned that you've thought of suicide before in the past. Do you think you are capable of hurting yourself now? If so, I would strongly urge going to a doctor or even the emergency room and just putting all of this out there. There is something going on inside and you have every right to be depressed. Life is sometimes a series of train wrecks but, it doesn't have to be.
Get back to me if you need. I'd like to talk to you.
A lot of what you described about how you often feel is how I felt for so long of my life. Honestly, it was years wasted and useful time simply ignored. I had real physical pain and real pain in my head because of this.
Depression is no joke. Right before I reached out for help, I was discussing matters with my closest friend. I told him "I think I am depressed". he laughed in my face and said, "I was depressed once" and added "what do you have to be depressed about?"
Depressed once? Nope, not the way it works unless you want to call the 44 years I was depressed. Depression is every day or nearly every day, and its typically all day. Some of us muster the strength to plaster on a fake smile and somehow drag ourselves through the day and some are not even that lucky.
You mentioned alcohol use. I'm not going to lecture you on that. I used when I was 16. What I will say is, it really does affect the way you feel about yourself and your situation.
You also mentioned that you've thought of suicide before in the past. Do you think you are capable of hurting yourself now? If so, I would strongly urge going to a doctor or even the emergency room and just putting all of this out there. There is something going on inside and you have every right to be depressed. Life is sometimes a series of train wrecks but, it doesn't have to be.
Get back to me if you need. I'd like to talk to you.
Dreams are meaningless, so you can ignore them.
I can't diagnose you but it seems you could benefit from someone who you can talk to who is a professional, in order to figure what is bothering you.
Have you ever had therapy, how old are you and if a student can you see the school counselor?
A lot of what you describe seems to be just overthinking things, so you might be surprised at how much better a therapist can make you feel just by pointing out some suggestions.
I can't diagnose you but it seems you could benefit from someone who you can talk to who is a professional, in order to figure what is bothering you.
Have you ever had therapy, how old are you and if a student can you see the school counselor?
A lot of what you describe seems to be just overthinking things, so you might be surprised at how much better a therapist can make you feel just by pointing out some suggestions.
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