Im feeling so depressed about so many things

Im so depressed at the moment and all alone with my two fighting children with no end in sight.  The kids always fight they never listen to me and I do not know what to do anymore,,Ib starting to get to the point were I cant handle things anymore and need immediate help.  My husband is a lier and a cheater and helps  me in no other way but providing a roof over my head.  I have no support system and am sick all the time because of my Fibro and many other little health problems.  HELP what do I do I need help and dont know where to start.  

[pinklady42]

HI FIBRO I SURE CAN RELATE BUT ALL MY KIDS ARE OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW THANK GOD I KNOW THAT SOUNDS MEAN BUT ALL THEY DID IS FIGHT TO SO WHEN THE LAST TWO TURNED 18 WE TOLD THEN THEY HAD TO LEAVE BECAUSE I WAS GETTING SO STRESSED OUT AND NOT WANTING TO GET OUT OF BED SO I DO UNDERSTAND WHAT U ARE GOING THROUGH. AND AS FOR UR HUBBY GET RID OF HIM I KNOW THAT SOUNDS MEAN BUT IF HE IS NOT THERE FOR U AND NOT HELPING U WITH THE KIDS KICK HIM OUT U CAN DO IT I KNOW U CAN. ALSO DO U WORK AND HAVE U TRYED TO GET SSI BECAUSE U CAN GET IT I HAVE IT AND I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH ALL THIS FOR 25 YEARS NOW. SO IF U NEED TO TALK LET ME KNOW, LISA

[fibromama]

Thank you for responding back.  I do have SS/DI but cant make it on the amount I get.  At times I thik about just leaving my kids here with there dad until I can get on my feet and in better health, but will miss them wayy to much to do that.  I sit here all day with just the kids,no friends,no family and I really dont know what to do about it anymore.  Gping out to do things is hardly an option because I feel soo bad all the time,,its like a catch 22 situation Im damned if I do Im damned if I dont.  I stopped smoking for a while but started it back up like no other because of the stress and the klonopin prescribed to me is of no use,,its not helping AT ALL.  I wanna break and dont know how to gain that fantasy.  Thank you for the friendship its really needd right now.  

[fibromama]

sorry my fibro fog has my writting in dissaray,,,a common happening when depressed

[extrmeski]

Oh my goodness sounds like you and I have some things in common anyway. I as well suffer from depression, and my life is just one big prison sentence.  Because of this that happened, I moved from Ohio to Arizona, where I do not know anyone, I'm in cronic (chronic) pain due to a back injury that is pusing my disks into my spinal column. I feel hopeless and trapped.

[888mom]

How old are your children?  Do you have a job or are you a stay-at-home mom?  You could look at the other forums with children and see if you can get solutions there... if you haven't already.  Do you work?  Do you have to work?  Can your husband support you if you stop working?  Or are you a stay-at-home mom who would rather go back to work?

I am a stay-at-home mom with an autoimmune disease (connective tissue disorder that they are thinking is lupus, though I've been rediagnosed several times depending on which rhumatologist I see, so at one point they thought I had fibro).  Anyways, I know that if I stayed at home without doing activities with my daughter, I would go nuts.  She is a late talker (diagnosed with pervasive development disorder) and most of the time screeches, whines, or drags me around by the hand.  Unless of course we are outside playing, and then she is thoroughly happy and stops annoying me (the high pitch screeching has been really getting on my nerves and she does it because it bothers me).  

I like being outside as well so going outside makes her happy, which makes me happy.  I also get bored "playing" in the house.  We go to the parks a lot.  When it rains or is too cold, we go to the toy store.  And I of course get followed around by the store clerk getting the evil eye while my 2 year old plays with every single  electronic toy that you can press buttons in the packaging.  I go anyways.  Maybe I'm rude.  I don't  know.  I'm just tryign to keep my sanity.  Spring/summer/fall are wonderful times of the year.  Wintertime... with all the cold and snow... well, I like the warm play outside type of weather.  If your kids are old enough, kick them outside to play.  

I joined MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group 2 years ago.  It's run through various churches, though you do not need to be part of the church or even Christian  to join.  They meet during the school year, but usually groups will have activities over the summer at homes, like play dates and stuff.  Twice a month during the school year, they have meetings where other people watch your kids while you get 3 hours to socialize, listen to a speaker, or do arts/crafts.  Frankly I think some  of the speakers and arts/crafts are stupid, but being able to have the babysitting and socializing with other moms is still  worth it.  Mothers and  More is an organization  for moms as well, and  that is also for moms with older children who are school aged.  I'll p robably join it when  my daughter hits school age.

YMCAs generally have family activities and activities for the kids, or they will offer baby sitting while you go to their gym and work out.  I know for me, getting exercise with my joint issues is important so I stay pain free.  

Getting a network  of friends, or failing that, acquaintances (I don't really have friends currently, but I have a lot of other moms that I hang out with in various clubs/groups/church I belong to) is important to keep your sanity.  

Do you have family nearby?  You don't necessarily have to have the best relationship to ask them for help.  Having them watch your kids for even a few hours a week, once per week, might help you get some sanity back.  

I know it's hard having fibromyalgia.  I have something similar.  Your body aches all the time.  Your joints hurt or your muscles hurt.  And you have chronic fatigue  that is quite debilitating.  And no one else seems to understand or thinks you're just being melodramatic. And for some unexplained reason, you seem to get sick a lot, and don't have good immunity towards anything.  People will say things to you like "just get over it" or "toughen up" or older people will say things like "you're more than half my age, what's wrong with you?!"  Or you try to do activities with your kids, and by the time your husband gets home, he wants dinner on the table and the kid(s) screaming and all you want to do is go to bed, too tired to take your clothes or shoes off your body.  

Just try to ask for help.  It's hard.  Especially if you don't know who to ask or have no one to ask.  Finding your network is a chore in and of itself.  I am about to move, and my network that took me awhile to set up I will have to reestablish.  I won't have family where we're going.  But, I've already gone on to the web and found a couple groups.  My husband wanted to go to a church that didn't really have kids activities at it and didn't have many members.  I stood my ground and said that our church had to have kids' sunday school by age, and have family groups to interact with, and be not too far of a drive from home.  I am not sure if he's still mad at me for putting down all those rules.  But that's what I needed.  We had several weeks of debate.  We haven't moved up there yet, but it was based on a couple visits when he interviewed and then we house hunted.  And visiting web sites.  I also found the town's "Newcomers" group which has a subgroup for moms.  

Also there might be a fibromyalgia support group where you are.  I know there are lupus support groups.  You might get ideas from other moms who have fibro, and what they are doing to cope or what they did if their kids are older.  I don't know if you have two cars or not.  my husband and I did with one car for so many years, but when my daughter was 1, I needed a car for myself since public transit around here is unreliable.. .and where we are moving, there just are not public buses.  

[lonewolf07]

As much as I love my cats and dogs, I think it is incredibly bizarre that they receive better pain management than humans do.  Sharing the pain does help but sometimes we just need practical help to do the day to day things many people take for granted.

Life shouldn't be this hard.

[fibromama]

isnt that the truth

[fibromama]

I went to a NA meeting just for the companionship and to be around others,,I didnt know what else to do.  It was nice getting out of the house but now that Im home again I think "now what"  my husband is still not home from  work (huh) wonder were he could be.  13hr days and hardly the money to show for it,,what does that prove.  How in the hell do I get out of this feeling and hy did it happen to fast.

[katy71]

Hi - I would agree w/ 888mom to find a support system so you don't feel alone.  It's hard road sometimes but you'll get there!  Sorry about your kids fighting.  It's not fun :( Well, cherish the time together and moments if you can.  Hope you are well there.  Hugs.

Namiste, Blessings.
Katy

[fibromama]

Thank you,,I will give the number a call and find out if there is any support groups inmy area,,thanks for the number.  I guess kids will be kids mine are not the only WILD ones lol.  Thanks much

[fibromama]

I feel a little better today but still have that icky feeling,,I start to dread the day ahead,,I sit here and think ok what do I do tomorrow the same thing I did today,,NOTHING,,I feel like Im wasting my life away sitting here doing nothing,,especially nothing for myself,,I have 2 kids who wont listen to a word I say,,I get no break have no family my friends are all far away.  Im truly by myself in this world and somtimes cant bare it anymore.  Medication doesnt seem to help all that great Im in pain all the time even though its not as bad as it used to be,,its still there.  I feel like a sickly person who cant enjoy life or my kids.  How in the heck do I get myself out of this rut,,I want to start living my dreams not just dreaming them.

[Melissa70817]

I'm so sorry you are going through this...why didn't you tell me it had gotten this bad.  I feel so bad that you didn't tell me and I wasn't there for you!!!  Please email me anytime you feel like this or tell me to get on yahoo messenger or I will give you my phone number.  Don't be depressed all alone, I'm here for you!!!  

[fibromama]

Thank you so much Melissa,,I sent you a message.   You know what,,you are a wonderful person.  TTYL :)

[bell24]

hi fibromama,bell here ,well this is what  you do first bang both there heads together ,then bang your husbands with frying pan,and wake them all up , tell them your not well and to cut it out ,no, no, im only joking just thought i would bring a smile to your face ,we have a help line here in my county for moms when it gets to much to cope with ,its very good because your phoning them straight from you home when the  kids are  carrying on ,you could see if there is one were you live ,not much left to say everyone else has said it ,all i can say now is good luck and take care ,bell,