Intrusive thoughts/images/scenes and depression over girlfriend's sexual past
I am 21 and my girlfriend is 18. We have been dating almost 7 months. She has had one boyfriend; the only person she has had sex with prior to me. She has told me (because I had already found out bits from elsewhere) that she has had 3 other guys that she has performed sexual acts with. Two of those were when she was in 8th grade. I had already know about her boyfriend and the other guy (a prior friend) which was recent
I have spent 6 months constantly being stressed, anxious, and depressed. Constantly having intrusive thoughts that are sometimes triggered and sometimes not. They are always looming over me. My mind races and I end up crying a large amount of the time. I know some details of what happened in these encounters, so the images/scenes are quite vivid and devastating. As time went on, the thoughts still persisted majorly but were occurring less frequently. I only found out about her two encounters in 8th grade a few days ago. I feel like everything has just been renewed. Any progress I had made vanished.
I would say that my brain always "wants" to be sad. It throws every negative thought at me that it can possibly think of. It finds crying desirably/therapeutic in some sense.
I exercise regularly. I have gone through therapy. I have taken many meds (Xanax, d-amphetamine, Lamictal Cymbalta, and Wellbutrin). I was taking 90 mg of Cymbalta for several months, and I never noticed any changes or improvement. I then switched to Wellbutrin. I have been on 300 mg for well over a month with no results. Just today my new psychiatrist bumped me up to 450 mg. I have low expectations. He also started me on Lamictal 3 weeks ago, and I am on 50 mg (increasing 25 mg every 2 weeks). The ONLY times I have felt relief we in the initial euphoric periods of taking d-amphetamine, which quickly wears off.
Are there medications better suited for me?
Why have mine not helped?
What course of action could possibly help me get better?
i have struggled for like 5 months with horrible thoughts....mine are irrational thoughts that i get it can be from feeling guilty about smoking weed and keeping it from my parents to having nasty thoughts about hurting people...i would never hurt noone but like you said my mind tends to find ways to try and trick me...it makes me feel like my minds wants to sad....i have rejected to take meds because i dont think they are for me....i have been taking my therapist advice and i do meditation to ease my mind...slowly i have been able to control my thoughts a little more each day! i reccomend you to try it.....your meds can be very helpful but it can also help alot to naturally learn to control your mind it will help alot!!! try it
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