Is it Depression?

[ms_sally1974]

About 5 months ago, I was told by two different doctors that I probably have some sort of depression.  One of which actually gave me a script for wellbutrin which I've not had filled. I thought I could control it myself, with diet, exercise, mediation etc.....well I'm still not feeling well, and it's been progressively getting worse again.  I feel like I've always suffered from some type of anxiety or depressive disorder, since high school. I'm now 39.

My symptoms sort of come and go, but there's always an underlying sense of sadness and lack of self worth.  I have little to no self esteem, I have a hard time looking in the mirror most days. And I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, however, I do have times when I think I'd be better off dead. My husband thinks it's all in my head and I do it to myself, so he's no help at all.  And unfortunately, it doesn't take alot to get me into a full blown breakdown... I function okay most days, but I do have days where I'm very weepy.  I'm always very easily agitated and I find myself being withdrawn from family and friends. I've not been to a councilor or psychiatrist.  Should I go on the pills and see if they help?  If I chose to do this, how long before I can tell whether or not it's working?

I guess I'm wondering what I should do now?

[sara12345]

Thanks so much for checking in again to tell us how you are doing.  We do care about you, since many of us have been through very difficult times ourselves as I discussed about myself.  I too am sorry that you had a bad weekend.  That is part of the depression.  The medication can take a month to work, or maybe much sooner.  So don't give up on it yet.  You take care.  Sara

[4Maddie44]

I am so sorry you were bad last weekend.  Hopefully when you have been on the medication a little longer, you will feel a lot better.  Keep us updated as to how you are as we all worry about each other.

Take care.

[ms_sally1974]

Yes she told me to wean myself on it doing 1/2 (150mg) for 1 week then increasing to a full (300mg) dose.  She also told me that if I felt like I needed to go off of it, to use the same process, drop to 1/2 for a week and then go off.

I'm starting to notice I have more energy and my thoughts are a little more focused.  But, on the other hand,  I had a major breakdown over the weekend, so I realize it will take time.  

[4Maddie44]

Yes of course you must do what your doctor advises.  I am sorry I suggested otherwise.  Sara is right.  

I do hope you will feel better soon.

[sara12345]

To Maddie's suggestion, when I also questioned the fast increase of Wellbutrin, it said that increasing it that way WAS the normal way to dose it.  I would go with what your doctor recommended, especially since it can take a while to work.

I too fought depression for many, many years with no success until I was finally suicidal.  This was before all the newer anti-depressants were on the market.  When I stopped working full time and stopped living a full life, the suicide went away, but that's no life to live either.  And I was still very depressed.

[4Maddie44]

Hello.  I do hope you feel better soon.  Once the medication has kicked in, which takes 4-6 weeks, you should feel better.  Perhaps you could stay on the lower dose for the moment and see how you go.  Upping to a higher dose after only 7 days seems rather fast to me.

Do please let us know how you get on.  Thinking of you.

[ms_sally1974]

Thanks, I guess I feel that I fought so long to stay off the meds that it was like giving up.  But in reality it was admitting that I'm human and sometimes you can't do it alone. Admitting that I deserve to have a better life and that I'm not meant to live this way.  I've been this way for so long, I'm not sure what normal might feel like, but I really want to know for my sake and my family.

[sara12345]

That's great.  Glad to hear that you started an anti-depressant.  I don't know what the doctor told you, but typically it can take about a month to take effect sometimes.  And there are other anti-depressants as well for you to try. Unfortunately there is no way to pick the one that works best for each person.

The only thing that bothered me a little bit was that you "gave in"--lol.  You should instead be congratulating yourself for taking the step to help yourself.  This can help with the sadness, weeping and your anxiety.

You take care.  Things will be getting better for you.

[ms_sally1974]

Okay I gave in and started the Wellbutrin SR.  I'm on day 7 of 150mg, I'm supposed to go to 300mg today. So far I don't know that I've had any side effects, but the last few days have been very hard.  I've been super stressed because of the holidays.  But this is not new.  I've been very weepy which really isn't new either. I'm hoping that when I increase the dose that I will start to feel a difference.

I also think that I have a biological reason for my depression, and I'm going to talk to a therapist, but I'm not sure if it will help any.

[sara12345]

The answer above may be helpful to some people, but you would certainly need a therapist to achieve it.  There are people like me who have a biological cause to our depression.  I went through many years of therapy which did me no good whatsoever.  Telling people that all depression can be cured by "releasing inner hurt" can be the same as telling a diabetic person to will their blood sugar to be right.  And if you do have "inner hurt", it helps people to access it better when they have their minds back from anti-depressants.

I'm wondering if you are considering getting any help for your sadness, etc.  Let us know.  We care about you.

[SMcGregor]

Although many people are treated with anti depressant drugs, these medications do not cure the underlying hurt or sadness that is the true cause of the depression. When the medication is taken away the depression usually reappears. Even though it can take longer and requires greater insight and courage, a depressed person can either release the inner hurt or reprogram it.

Learn to overcome depression by understanding and practising:

The conscious ability to relax and release stress any time, anywhere.
The ability to focus the mind.
The ability to neutralise or reprogram subconscious “hurt memories”.
The ability to develop mind/body exercises to overcome depression.
The ability to develop new responses to current experiences.

[sara12345]

I completely agree with Maddie.  And Nursegirl also makes some good points about the depression not being your fault and educating your husband.  It's too bad that with the symptoms that you were experiencing that the doctors didn't think of depression and treating that.  But it was hardly a bad thing that your thyroid was not impaired.  Don't dismiss the medical profession over them investigating your thyroid and finding it okay.  Get some treatment for your obvious depression.  Good luck to you.

[nursegirl6572]

Hello there.

From what you've described, it does sound like you're dealing with depression.  It's important that you seek professional help for this.  There are many ways to treat depression, medications, therapy, etc.  You don't have to just settle for the way you feel, you can improve your quality of life.

There is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.  LOTS of people have depression, it's not something you can help, and it's certainly not "in your head" or something you're doing to yourself.  

It's sometimes very hard for our loved ones to be compassionate, because if you've never experienced something like depression or an anxiety disorder, it just doesn't make sense to them.  Once you get started in therapy, I would recommend talking with the therapist about your husband attending a few sessions.  That way the therapist can educate him a little bit, and explain to him how to be more supportive.

Best to you, let us know how you're doing!

[ms_sally1974]

At the time that I saw these two doctors I was convinced that I had a thyroid problem, and after going to three different doctors for this and have test after test and that not being the answer to my symptoms, I was very let down with the diagnosis. Neither of them actually suggested I go to a therapist, however, I was upset with the diagnosis myself, something I just didn't want to face, and I stopped going to the doctors.  But then the more I thought it through, I realized that yes they were probably right.

[4Maddie44]

Yes go on the pills, and after 4-6 weeks you should be feeling a lot better.  It can be difficult to deal with depression without medication.  Has your doctor suggested you see a therapist?  You may find that helpful too.

Take care, and let us know how you get on.

[violet_genration98]

I found it helps if you go to a councillor rather than go straight to medication and talk it through with a stranger who doesn't know much about you. I find it helps a bit that way.
I hope everything goes well for you...