Is it normal for chronically depressed people to feel uncomfortable around happy people?

Question

You know...like the people who always have those big, dorky smiles on their faces and are so optimistic about everything. I know that sounds horrible, but I've been through so much misery that I feel sick when I'm around people who are so happy. They just make me feel extremely uncomfortable...they're like the total opposite of who I am. I want to be happy, too, ******, but after trying nearly a dozen different meds with little to no improvement, I just feel so bitter. However, Remeron and Adderall did work, but Remeron stopped working after a couple of months and I developed a heart arrhythmia a couple of weeks before taking Adderall, therefore, I couldn't take it. If fate has decided that I am not allowed to feel better, I will no longer fight it but let it carry me to my grave.

sarnar91 · Answer

I know the feeling. It's awful - and you end up feeling superguilty for not being able to be happy and it just contributes to even more pain ontop of everything else. And faking it makes you feel like an imposter - a creep. I think the best is to retreat and tell just one of your closest friend or someone you confide in that you have a hard time being happy now because you are depressed. Just telling someone can be so liberating and a huge release - cus then you don't have to feel that you are hiding or wearing a mask. YOu can just be yourself - without feeling guilty. Cus thats what I think is the worst - the pain caused by the guilt of not being able to be the person u want to be. And know that it's not gonna last forever - you are going to get through this. And dont be so hard on yourself. Imagine that you have an inner child in you - would you judge that child for being sad? Do you jugde yourself for feeling the way you do? Or do you hold space for yourself to just allow yourself to be depressed? Hold space for your inner child. It needs your love and attention. Be your own best friend. Imagine this. If one of your friends or family member came to you with the same problem that you have - would you judge them or would you hold space for them. What would you say to them? Would you say; I understand - Im here for you" This is the way you have to train your mind.

louise65 · Answer

no one understands until they have plunged the depths themselves. i was in hospital for depression and prior to that was trying to keep a big dorky grin on my face!! i must of been quite good at it cause everyone was so shocked when i lost it, maybe some of those out there are the same. dont give up, i get suicidial ideation myself, try to ride it out, it will pass, i had one very very near miss a number of years ago and although i still get very low im glad i did not succeed, take care louise

cat9841 · Answer

me too, I just cannot stand those happy smiling isn't life wonderful kind of people who think I need to just snap out of this, they have no idea what we go through. maybe I do need some meds, any suggestions?

bgrimes86 · Answer

Thanks to everyone for responding to my post. I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one out there having these feelings.

And to xanweaner, I too am weaning off of Xanax...just started yesterday. Also, the old-school tricyclics are off-limits. I pray to God that He takes these awful heart flutters away.

Summer123 · Answer

Yes, those happy people are really weird.  It doesn't feel real to me.

JKJ · Answer

Oh yes, I can relate and I understand how you feel about being around "happy" people.  I hate to say it; but sometimes they just make me want to hurl.
Then I often wonder to myself if they are really happy or are they faking it also??

Sorry to hear about all the problems you've had with meds...I won't take meds because of all the side effects I've had and they just don't work!  I too have thought about the VNS as I know a few ppl who have that device and it works for them.  I just don't know if the VA (I'm a veteran) would pay for it.

Good luck!

lonewolf07 · Answer

Don't know if this is still in effect but in Ontario, Canada, where I am, my shrink got me meds not available in Canada that were available in the USA.  She had to fill out some forms but that was about it.  Maybe that's worth a try.  I know I'd never heard about it till the shrink told me.  You'd have to ask your drs.

PS:  Those geeky little folks that always smiling make me uncomfortable; like they're smiling so they must be up to something AND it makes me wish I was smilin' too

Hensley258 · Answer

I have already tried to appeal. They just turned it down too.

The only way I would have a chance to get them to cover it is if I hire a Lawer.

Unfortunatly I just don't have the money for a Lawer. I can always pay cash for the procedure, but that's in the range of $40,000 and I just don't have it to spend.

Don't you know that health care in this country is only for the wealthy?

It's a for profit only system, which makes getting proper care impossible for us Middle class folks.

xanweaner · Answer

Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your heart condition developing after using Remeron...what a drag! Does your condition rule out the old-school tricyclic antidepress., too?
I don't know much about VNS, but it sounds like it could be lifesaving for those who are "med resistant"...

I believe there is an appeals process that you can go through when they won't cover something. If VNS is considered a "standard of care", how can they consider it "experimental"? I wouldn't take no for an answer and try to appeal the decision.

Hensley258 · Answer

Have you talked to your doctor about the new MOA Patch?

A lot of people are having good results with it. Unlike the older MOA's that had severe diet restrictions connected to them, this MOA patch is transdermal and thus by passes the digestive system. The former risks associated with the old MOA delivery method have been eliminated, which makes this patch form a viable option for medication resistant people like you and I.

I am considering it, as my current tri-cyclic AD medication is starting to poop out on me.

I'm not positive about this patches effect on people with heart issues, but as I recall it doesn't effect the blood pressure like some other AD meds can often do. It works very differently than, say SSRI or Tri-cyclic antidepressants.

About VNS..... I tried to get approval for VNS last year, but my insurance company has refused to cover the procedure. Even though I meet all the criteria as "Med resistant" and my P-doc has also written letters to my insurance company giving approval, they still refuse. They even turned down my appeal. They say it's because it's considered, "experimental." BS is what that is, VNS has been approved by the FDA as an effective treatment for med resistant depression, yet the insurance companys still say, Experimental?

Aetna can kiss my ***! All they care about is their bottom line. They could give a damn about our suffering.

bgrimes86 · Answer

Thanks, that makes me feel a little better. I thought I was an evil person or something for having thoses thoughts. And about the Remeron, I was taking 30mg per day. Also, I developed my heart arrhythmia while taking the Remeron, so I regret ever having taken it. Perhaps I wouldn't be in the shape I'm in now if I had never touched the stuff; my heart problems have made my life a living hell as I am severely restricted in the options I have regarding medication. It seems like everything that works is off limits because of my heart flutters. It also keeps me from enjoying caffeine, too much sugar, and sadly, alcohol...It happened when I turned 21!!! I've been thinking about a vagus nerve stimulator, but I wonder if it will work. I don't deserve this.

- Ben

Hensley258 · Answer

I feel that way sometimes too. I occasionally find myself watching people that seem so happy and care free, and I think to myself, "how and the Hell do they do that?"

I wish I could feel like that. I remember when I used to feel like that and god do I ever miss it so bad.

xanweaner · Answer

Yeeeeees, I know exactly how you feel....when I was very depressed, I didn't want to talk to any of my friends because my life was so full of pain and I was so sick. Our lives were so vastly different, and the contrast made me feel even worse.

How much Remeron were you taking? That's a surprise that it stopped working after a few months...that's never happened to me on it. How much were you taking?

Don't give in, but know that it can get better. This forum is a good place to write about all of the sadness and challenges that you're currently struggling with. There are so many of us who are in pain....just open up here and the support will help you a bit...

I hope that you begin to feel some improvement soon...