Is it shock?

[suzi-q]

Hello, I am asking your help regarding my second cousin.  My cousin, (her father), passed away last night.  It was not expected.  He went in for routine Open Heart Surgery 3 weeks ago and needless to say, he never came home.  Mary(as I will call her) has had many psychological issues including OCD and depression and has been in and out of therapy for the past ten years.  She was cottled by her father who did EVERYTHING for her..since his divorce, he always felt the need to overcompensate..She is 21 and he did all her college homework on-line for her, he bought her a new car every time she messed hers up.  He would even have to rub her back before she went to sleep.  She was not kind to her father at all.  She would carry on when she did not get her way like a spoiled 5 year old.  Well, here is my question.  When her grandmother went home and told Mary that her father had died, her answer was "oh, but why is everyone so upset?"  She is currently on prozac, but I know that no anti-depressant can make you that numb...I am on Paxil and I didn't react any differently when my dad passed away...Has anyone ever experienced this type of odd behavior either in themselves or in someone they know when someone so close to you has died?  A person with whom you relied on for EVERYTHING????

[Idab]

Or could she be relieved!  Perhaps there is something more and she is not telling...  This story does not sound like a child/teenager who has just been spoilt.  A 21 year old girl, still having her father rub her back before she goes to sleep is not considered normal in my books.  The fact that she has been on anti-depressants for over 10 years! already poses a question for concern and in my opninion needs serious further investigation/intevention.  Sorry that is my personal opinion.  Let her see a child psychologist to rule out any of the nasty's life so often throws us.
Good Luck!

[suzi-q]

I know that it sounds "that way"...but it truly isn't.  she has been under the care of therapists for the past 10 years or more.  I will admit that my cousin had faults and I used to reprimand him myself for what he used to do for her, but he never ever ever would do anything like "that" to her.  You would have to know him....

I know what you are saying and usually people would be in denial if "that" was happening and make excuses....but not my cousin...

She does have a boyfriend and has been in therapy for a very long time.  She has been on many medications...Her mother, who she does not talk to, always called her terrible names growing up.  She is very heavy  and her mother used to call her fat and ugly and stupid and all things like that.  After her parents divorced, my cousin went to live back with his mother becuase he could still be close to his children.  That is where he lived and soon after both his daughter and then his son came to live with him at his parents' house because they couldn't take their mother anymore....It is a very long story.

But thank you for your reply.  I, being a teacher, would have thought the same thing and a red flag definitely would have gone up also.

[suzi-q]

I know that it sounds "that way"...but it truly isn't.  she has been under the care of therapists for the past 10 years or more.  I will admit that my cousin had faults and I used to reprimand him myself for what he used to do for her, but he never ever ever would do anything like "that" to her.  You would have to know him....

I know what you are saying and usually people would be in denial if "that" was happening and make excuses....but not my cousin...

She does have a boyfriend and has been in therapy for a very long time.  She has been on many medications...Her mother, who she does not talk to, always called her terrible names growing up.  She is very heavy  and her mother used to call her fat and ugly and stupid and all things like that.  After her parents divorced, my cousin went to live back with his mother becuase he could still be close to his children.  That is where he lived and soon after both his daughter and then his son came to live with him at his parents' house because they couldn't take their mother anymore....It is a very long story.

But thank you for your reply.  I, being a teacher, would have thought the same thing and a red flag definitely would have gone up also.

[Idab]

Thank you! You have assured me somewhat.  Nevertheless, is seems 'Mary' has been through the mill and either way she just needs continuous support and perhaps rehabilitation to cut back on any medications.  I am most sensitive to family issues as I have experienced my sister being raped and strangled at the age of 13 by a 'friend of the family'.  I have also experienced her survival through this, with only 5% vision in one eye, she is now 45 and has excelled in her life and her career.  I also believe that 'Mary' will find her path as she ages and starts to appreciate the beauty of being able to control one's life. As mentioned in my previous message, some of life's nasty's, especially in childhood/teenage years can be rough on the soul at the best of times. My sincere condolences to Mary's father.  Take Care.

[suzi-q]

Thank you so much for your post....yes, she will have to find her way, and she has a great support system to help her through...she fell apart a little over the weekend during the wake and funeral....I think it was a great breakthrough...maybe some feelings are getting through and therefore, healing can begin....

i am so sorry to hear about your sister and what she went through ...she is a true survivor and may God bless her and your whole family.

Thank you for taking the time to post.