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Is my depression affecting my 4year old son?
When I was out of school for my 1st year,during college,my doctor said I had stress and anxiety disorder.I would break out in cold sweats and black out sometimes without warning.He put me on some anxiety meds.Later after my mom had past he put me on Deprozan. I had begun cutting myself and one morning around 1am,I had a bath and left my house walking because I needed to clear my head. I ended up in town and my brother had to call a taxi to come and fetch me to take me home. At the beginning of this year another doctor I had been to see while employed had put me on Valium. I don't feel any of this worked as I was still constantly having these bouts of sadness.The cutting had stopped after finding out I, who was unable to conceive, was pregnant with my son.I was never suicidal though. I had a very traumatic pregnancy as the relationship with my sons father and I was complicated to say the least.I almost lost my son twice due to the stress and harrasment from my ex boyfriend. I got through it and had a healthy 4.3kg baby. He is my life now and I honestly feel he saved me from the alcohol and drug induced life I had begun to live. I still constantly feel sad.Even when I'm happy,there is this nagging feeling underneath it all that just makes me sad.With my sons recent behavior and the depression I have been going through lately,I am just concerned that perhaps my depression is affecting him. I have random moments whereby one minute I will be happy and the next I'll be walking around the house sullen and close myself off alone in the room.I cry a lot,never knowing exactly what for because there are so many reasons I could be crying for.During this time,my son somehow senses this and though I hide, or try to hide the fact that I am crying..he will come to me and just hug me for ages.Kissing me and telling me he loves me.This makes me sadder because he's a little boy..he's only 4yrs old.My greatest fear is that he will grow up constantly worrying about me and if he's going to find mommy crying when he gets home today. I do not want this for him.But I don't know how to stop it. Most times I don't even know when it is going to happen.As I said,everything will be fine and the next minute the slightest reminder of some past hurt and I am morbid.Is my son feeling my depression? And if so,how do I stop whats out of my control? I don't want my son to feel what I feel.Its dark and ugly and painful.
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My lovely daughter in law suffered post natal depression after her first child was born six years ago.
With the help of medication she manages a very high profile job two days a week and care of her children, with my son's help. We talk about our mental health problems, as I too am on anti-depressants. She tried to stop, but was advised to continue on the medication.
Are you on medication? Are you seeing a doctor or psychiatrist? I feel you need professional help. I know my two grandchildren are happy.
You have a lot to contend with. Bringing up a child is very stressful. Do you have family who can have your son for a few hours now and then to give you time to yourself? Have you friends who you can talk to?
You have a lovely little chap who obviously loves his mum to bit. Share time with him, read to him and play with him. Try to hide your depression when you are with him. I did a lot of that when I looked after my daughter's children when they were growing up. She was a single mum. I would collect them from school, take them to swimming, football, etc, and all the time I would wear a "mask" so not to show my depression. I don't think anyone suspected how very ill I felt.
We have to find the strength to face the world, and people. Not easy, I know, and I hope I am not suggesting anything you find impossible to do. I do so want you and your dear little son to enjoy each other.
Let us know how you get on.
With the help of medication she manages a very high profile job two days a week and care of her children, with my son's help. We talk about our mental health problems, as I too am on anti-depressants. She tried to stop, but was advised to continue on the medication.
Are you on medication? Are you seeing a doctor or psychiatrist? I feel you need professional help. I know my two grandchildren are happy.
You have a lot to contend with. Bringing up a child is very stressful. Do you have family who can have your son for a few hours now and then to give you time to yourself? Have you friends who you can talk to?
You have a lovely little chap who obviously loves his mum to bit. Share time with him, read to him and play with him. Try to hide your depression when you are with him. I did a lot of that when I looked after my daughter's children when they were growing up. She was a single mum. I would collect them from school, take them to swimming, football, etc, and all the time I would wear a "mask" so not to show my depression. I don't think anyone suspected how very ill I felt.
We have to find the strength to face the world, and people. Not easy, I know, and I hope I am not suggesting anything you find impossible to do. I do so want you and your dear little son to enjoy each other.
Let us know how you get on.
Glad to hear that your son's behavior seems better, but children can hide their feelings, especially if they think that they can upset their mother. I hope that you will seek help for your mood problems. Children have an antennae to know better than even adults about how other people feel. So please don't excuse your problems with noting that your son seems better. And you deserve to feel better as well. It will make a world of difference in your life. You take care.
sounds like you are taking nursegirls advice. she is very wise. it sounds like things are much better. I am so proud of you. you always have friends on here to talk to. everyone on here is sweet and v ery understanding. I will be here anytime you need an ear. mandy876
My sons behavior seems to be improving. He still has his upset days,but those are just tantrums that I'm used to. I have noticed his change back to "toddler",but I just wish I knew what was causing it so that I could keep doing it or exposing him to it. For now,I'm just happy he's being a kid again. Thank you so much for the advice and I will keep you updated.Hopeful that I will have no more negative reports where he's concerned.
Thanx again..I really do appreciate it. God bless
Thanx again..I really do appreciate it. God bless
what sara said is the best advise advise anyone could give you. it does sound like your meds are not working. there are many drugs and the doctor will work with you until you find the right meds. god bless you and your little boy. mandy876
Yes, of course your behavior is affecting your son. You know this. He can grow up to think that the world is a bad place. With your symptoms, you definitely need to see a psychiatrist who would be best able to treat you. Since Deprozan is not available in the US, I'm not familiar with it. But I would think that you need to try another anti-depressant or perhaps a mood stabilizer or maybe both. But a doctor would know best. From the way you describe it, it sounds like your behavior is beyond your control or you wouldn't be acting that way around your child. Definitely get help for this. Wish you the best.
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You definitely need to address all of the issues...from your history of addiction/alcohol abuse, to the depression and anxiety. Find a good psychiatrist, who will not only help to manage your medication regimen, finding the "right" fit for you, but also encourage and oversee therapy, which is crucial. In therapy, you can ask for pointers on how to handle this with your son.
Most professionals will recommend a direct approach, explaining to the child that Mommy has some things she has to take care of to get better, and that anytime you see Mommy sad, or down, it has nothing to do with you. A young child of 4 isn't old enough to process complicated info, but it's okay to share some basic info that will help him understand a little better. Saying nothing is not good, because then the child is left to try to figure it out himself...which of course, like I said, means he will come up with a reason it's HIS fault.
On top of getting professional help (which is a BIGGIE), you're going to have to work hard on your own. I'm not going to lie, it isn't easy. Depression takes away so much of our motivation and desire to do things....but if you push yourself to do more and more, you'll both benefit. The more I push myself to do things and get engaged in life, the better I feel.
You could start with signing up for a "Mommy and Me" type of class. That would do wonders for BOTH of you. Get out, take him to the park, or out for pizza and a movie. Play games with him at home, plan a movie night. Some days you won't feel like it, and you'll want to wallow in self pity....but you'll be amazed at how much better YOU will feel by getting engaged in life with your son.
You also need to lean on your loved ones for support...family, friends. Confide in them, tell them what's going on, keep them in the loop. That increases your accountability. The more people who know you're working to manage your depression and anxiety, the harder it is to isolate yourself and stop trying. Plus, they can be resources for you. When you're having an extraordinarily bad day, they can take your son for a while while you do something to help yourself...even if it's bawling your eyes out and screaming.
It's very hard to live a "normal" life when you have to contend with anxiety and depression, but make no mistake about it, it's absolutely 100% possible, and SO much of your success will directly depend on how much work you're willing to put into it. The harder you try, the better the outcome. It takes time too, so you have to be patient. There will be days where you've promised your son you will do something with him, and you'll feel like doing anything but...but it's important that you keep those promises made to him (again, increasing your accountability and putting roadblocks up to wanting to isolate). You will realize that it gets easier and easier, and once you find yourself enjoying those things...you will start seeking out more.
I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to take this very seriously and do whatever you can to start turning this around. Children are molded into who they will become based on everything little thing we do, say, don't say. If you continue to allow him to see you depressed, anxious, when he cannot understand it, he himself will most likely become anxious and depressed himself. Children need to know that their parent(s) is/are okay. If they don't think their parent(s) is/are okay...it changes their world entirely.
Very very best to you and your son. Please update us when you can...let us know how you're doing. You're among people here who understand and care.