Is this Depression or PMDD?

[amarni]

Ok, my story is a pretty long one with alot of points, so i am thanking people in advance if they read to the end :)

My hole life has been normal. My childhood, my school days, everything. I then got into a relationship with my first boyfriend (who i am still with). We were together for 10 months when he suddenly told me that we had to break up because of his parents disapproving of our relationship. We ended up going on a "break" for just over a week and then got back together. For the next few months after that i suffered alot. I was always sad and worried that at any minute, he would leave me again. The more time we stayed together, the more these feelings seemed to disappear...

It has now been 3 years that we have been together for and it's great! The relationship is almost perfect and we are so in love!

Now.. here is my problem... I can't really specify a time frame, but if i really think about it it probably started around the time we had our "break".
The symptoms i was experiencing led me to believe that i had a hormonal imbalance.. That was the only thing i could think of to explain my symptoms.
I was constantly feeling depressed, then i would switch to being very angry and mean, then i would switch to being overly happy (not just happy, OVERLY happy). This would continue day in and day out. I researched hormonal imbalance and found that i had almost ALL of the symptoms. I decided to go to my doctor and get tested. He tested me and the test results came back and he said to me "Your perfect. Your hormonal levels are completely normal" So, i didn't have a hormonal imbalance. So now, i am totally clueless to what i might have. I think it may be depression. Some of my symptoms are:

~ Severe mood swings (But lately i've been more Depressed and nothing else)
~ No interest in being with friends, going out etc.
~ I have no ability to be happy - it's like there's something inside me that won't let me experience joy. When i AM doing fun things like being with my bf or going to the movies, i have no interest, i just kind of walk through not paying attention to anything.
~ Over-Sleeping (This also could be due to the fact that i am on holidays from Tafe and i am just catching up on needed rest). I am sleeping 12-14 hours a day
~ Not wanting to go shopping or buy new things (things that would usually make me the happiest)
~ An all round feeling of gloom
~ Sometimes i feel like crap and i don't even know how to explain what kind of mood i am in (if that makes sense)
~ Constantly thinking about death (NOT suicide, i would never kill myself), basically just always thinking that "what's the point in having a good job or a crap job? Everyone is going to die anyway" "What's the point in being beautiful or ugly? Everyone is just going to die anyway" Things like that. These thoughts really hinder my ability to look towards the future with happiness.
~ I also used to have sudden panic attacks. For example, me and my boyfriend were sitting and eating one day and out of the blue, i lost my appetite i put my food down, i couldn't eat, my heart started beating like i had been running up 1000 stairs and i had to stick my head out the window and take deep breaths. My boyfriend got worried and asked me what was wrong and i didn't even know how to explain it... Thank God they seemed to have gone (Fingers crossed)

** The thing is, i don't know why i am depressed. I am studying, i have passed all my tests and exams with flying colours so far, i have an unbelievable boyfriend who i love more than anything, and i have a great family who love me, i have my dream car and i also have heaps of money saved up. So why am i depressed? I have nothing to be depressed about...

also had many problems with intrusive thoughts. I would have very disturbing thoughts about my boyfriend dying, i would hear things in my head telling me to kill him, things like that. If you look up "intrusive thoughts" that was exactly what i was experiencing... (They seem to have gone now)

~~ Some things that make me feel better is watching TV and really getting involved with the people on TV and thinking "how come they are happy? Why can't i be like that? Look how happy they are, it's possible for me to be like that too". Also, another thing that makes me feel better is reading about my religion and studying it and also when i read other people's stories of depression and explaining their symptoms and knowing that i am not alone and not the only person feeling like this~~

In conclusion, i don't think that the "break" i had with my boyfriend is the cause. It was so long ago and things are great now. Again, i am so unsure as to why i am feeling like this. I am too scared to go to my doctor and i am even more scared about being referred to a psychiatrist. I would love to go on medication to take these feelings away, but i have been told it's very bad to be reliant on anti-depressants and they often have side effects.


It gets 10x times worse when i'm expecting my period. I cry and cry for no reason (i might just see an add on TV or watch a TV show where there's a person crying, and i'll just start to cry aswell, for no reason). I get very paranoid, i think about death alot more, if i have a fight with my mum or someone else i will feel so guilty and want to go and make up with her (when any other time i would just ignore her and let the silent treatment run it's course). My intrusive thoughts get much more frequent, i have sudden urges to tell people things that they don't know that i want them to know but don't know how to tell them, I feel so so much more guilt over small things like leaving a lamp on when i know my mum is trying to save money on our electricity bill. I get scared to go to sleep at night because i'm scared that once i turn off the light and it's dark, i'll feel even more depressed. Sometimes i'll have an urge to go and sleep in my mum's bed with her because i don't want to be alone in my room. I start having more paranoid thoughts like "what if me and my boyfriend don't end up getting married?" "What if we both marry someone different?" (Thoughts like that usually never bother me because i have so much faith in our relationship and i have such faith that we WILL get married). I'll be overly scared, i'll have the urge to prank my boyfriend and wait until he answers the phone then i'll hang up just so i could hear his voice and know that he's ok). Sometimes i'll feel so smothered by being at home that i'll have a sudden urgency to get out of the house because i feel like i'm suffocating and i need to interact with other people. Then other times i will be out somewhere and i'll have a sudden urgency to go home straight away because i feel suffocated and scared of the world and my home is safe and also because that is where my mother is and i want to be near her from fear of something happening to her if i'm not there. I get extremely paranoid if my boyfriend goes to work or drives. Also, if i have a fight with him i will also have a sudden urge to make up with him too.

[NonConventional]

Please see this link below which ends:

In conclusion, disturbance of thyroid function may be accompanied by psychological disturbances which can mimic other psychiatric syndromes. Hence, early detection and treatment of the thyroid disturbance, as well as appropriate attention to the emotional and psychological condition of the patient, cannot be overemphasized.

http://www.thyroid.ca/e10f.php

[bbaggins]

Sounds like bipolar disorder.

Check out this video, it will help you understand:
http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/lifestyle_lifestyle/watch/v886025aS7FC2dd

[amarni]

THANKYOU everyone! I am sitting here almost crying because i feel like crap for no reason. I just came home from seeing my boyfriend. When i was with him i was totally fine but as soon as i left him i started feeling severely depressed again and now i want to cry...

Please everyone.. keep reading i need advice!
And i was referring to the severe form of PMS that women experience when i included PMDD in the title.. that's what i meant.. I hope that's it's actual name :)

[runitskat]

Your whole post sounds exactly like me. I had every single one of the symptoms like you. I went to see my doctor over a year ago because I thought something was wrong with my thyroid. She told me I had major depression and prescribed Zoloft. I was so not ready to accept that so I threw the pills away and went on with my life. Getting more and more depressed. I had something really bad happen to me in October that just made it so much worse. I got on birth control and stopped having my period which helped so much with the depression I had around my period.

I had a break down a few months ago over various thing and decided it was time to get help. I went to a psychiatrist who put me on Wellbutrin and Zoloft. I'm going back this week to possibly be put on a mood stabilizer because he's pretty sure I'm bipolar.

My point is you need to see someone. You need to talk to someone. You need to accept that medication can help. It's not a crutch, it's a piece to the puzzle or an ingredient to a recipe. There are so many medications out there so you can find the right one for you with the least amount of side effects and really work on getting better.

A year ago I was against any sort of mental medication. I hated the idea and swore I would never take them in any form. But then it got to a point where I had to stop pretending and lying to myself. I had to get help and I think you really need to consider doing the same.

[ribst01]

Just wanted to note on the title of your post... I have been diagnosed with PMDD.  It's just a type of depression and treatment can be similar to general depression.  You should definitely talk to your doctor about going on an SSRI to help with these symptoms.  My general doctor prescribed them to me.

[lmosall]

In short, after only reading about half, I noticed myself...you may just have what is called major depression, bordering bi-polar episodes...this is a disease like any other where medication wil be most helpful in regaining optimum health.  Seek out a good qualified psychiatrist (MD) and psychotherapist/psychologist.  the MD will prescribe meds that will restore the seratoninin imbalance that causes most major depressive episodes.  i was on meds for 10 yrs, and in therapy along withit.  I went of the meds and have been off for about 10 yrs now.  it is not esy, but with practice yo ucanlearn how to deal with the episodes.  Most times in my life are also triggered by life-events as well.  On top of that, just about 2 months ago I was diagnosed with Graves' Disease.  Although the deppresive episode I thought I was having was severe enough to throw me back into the therapy mode again.  Instead of having therapy for the major depression episode, I am nowlearning how to deal with the raging hormone/thyroid imbalance which is causing a depressive episode.  

DON"T WAIT to call someone!!! find help now!!!  You will be thankful in the long run, and remember...depression is just like any other disease/illness.  with medication and monotoring you can become well again...good luck