Is this a disorder

I know I have a subtle depression issue, but I have one deep issue that I don't know if it is a disorder or not. Ever since I can remember I have the lowest, poorest self-image ever. I was never happy with the way I look. Even if I were to go get a makeover, put on some nice clothes or do my hair, as soon as I would step foot out the door, if I saw anyone who I deemed better than me, I start to feel ugly and depressed. I am constantly depressed over myself. I pick apart everything about myself constantly, and no matter what I do, I just in general think I am an ugly, disgusting person. Is this a disorder? I am deeply insecure, and I always need some kind of validation from my partner to feel some kind of esteem. I try so hard to love myself, but the media and people around me make that hard. Some days i don't even want to leave my house. I just don't like me. What do I do? Like I said before, I have felt this way from being a very small girl. How can I be confident? what can I do to look at myself and think of myself as beautiful? Any advice would be helpful. I start giving up on me alot.

[Shari4444]

I don't know if there is a name for how you feel about yourself. Other people on this forum are much more knowledgable than me on that issue. Basically, I just wanted you to know that someone was out here caring about you. You, definantly, do sound depressed. Have you discussed these feelings with your doctor and the possibility of him/her prescribing an anti-depressant for you?

Don't give up on yourself. It took strength to post your questions here, on the forum, and that says a lot about your courage and your want to help yourself. You mention a partner......This person, obviously, finds you desirable. Therefore, you MUST have some if not all the qualities you perceive yourself as lacking. Really, look at yourself. There must be at least one thing you feel you have accomplished. Take that one or more and build from it. This is probably not something you can do on your own. You have nurtured these negative feelings about yourself for a loooong time....it will not turn around, over night. You may need the help of a therapist. Don't give up, though. YOU are worth the time and effort to forge a friendship with yourself and to start appreciating yourself!

Good luck, honey.

Hugs,
Shari

[ParamedFlorena]

Hi,

I wouldn't say a disorder, at all. I would rather say that it is a very common side-effect of living. Where we all start as we grow up and become adult, is to look at who we are. You're 2 years younger than me. I doubted myself and who I was too. I still do. I constantly find errs and wrongs and things that needs a tune-up.

We have this habit of looking at all the negatives in life - we look for things that we have to do something about and maybe correct a little bit. It's easy to get caught up in that. Like Shari444 says, it is always a positive about someone. You might be the very best friend someone has? You're understanding? You're maybe the best co-worker at your job?

The place I started when I came to MH was to read up in one of the expert forums. It prooved to me that I was very normal too.
I should of course have trusted my psychologist in the first place - she kept saying that only I could take the first step of changing my life.
I started with the things I knew I could change. Gained confidence bit by bit. I started working out at the gym and that was how I felt better about my appearance. I'm maybe a little bit broad over my shoulders now but I don't mind!

Stay in touch,
~Florena

[cupcake12]

My heart aches for you... jeepers life can be so hard.   I went through the same thing as you darlin and it's been a looong road for me at one time I even got the gun & decided I couldn't go on like this anymore but then I thought about my 2 little girls and decided if I couldn't do it then I had to do something to straighten myself out,  now 99% of the time I think I'm terrific in every way,  there are tons of books in the library and the one I started with was I'm ok You're ok,  it was the beginning of life for me from then on I started brain washing myself about how I was ok and then found some classes to go to etc etc until here I am today on antidepressants but love who I am.  Keep your chin up darlin and know it's just as easy to see yourself as great as it is to see yourself as a nothing.